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i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now but i feel as if he's changing. he used to be really sweet to me, but now even if i make him say something he tries to avoid it.
i know i shouldnt have done this but i went on his fb too and read his messages..
i thought i'd find some nice things about me, but instead i found things that really upset me.
we're of different religions and i found him disrespecting my religion; he told his mates the stuff we get upto, things that are meant to stay within just the two of you, he's compared me to other girls and looked at other girls during the beginining of our relationship. there was another girl he liked when he realised he liked me too but i recently found out for him it was 'whoever said yeah first'
i've not confronted him about it because i know he'll turn around and make me look like the baddie even though he's said all this stuff.
i really do love him, and i've tried my best to forgive him for all that, but now i question myself, "does he love me"?
our religions and culture wouldnt allow us to be together in the future, is it worth still being with him?

Reply 1

Vohamanah

16

Original post by Anonymous

i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now but i feel as if he's changing. he used to be really sweet to me, but now even if i make him say something he tries to avoid it.
i know i shouldnt have done this but i went on his fb too and read his messages..
i thought i'd find some nice things about me, but instead i found things that really upset me.
we're of different religions and i found him disrespecting my religion; he told his mates the stuff we get upto, things that are meant to stay within just the two of you, he's compared me to other girls and looked at other girls during the beginining of our relationship. there was another girl he liked when he realised he liked me too but i recently found out for him it was 'whoever said yeah first'
i've not confronted him about it because i know he'll turn around and make me look like the baddie even though he's said all this stuff.
i really do love him, and i've tried my best to forgive him for all that, but now i question myself, "does he love me"?
our religions and culture wouldnt allow us to be together in the future, is it worth still being with him?

That's a bit of a gut-wrencher to discover, especially the part about it being "whoever said yes first". I think perhaps you need to ask yourself if you can really get over that. But do bear in mind that this was over a year ago, and people change. He's been with you for a year now, and really got to know you. Its perfectly conceivable that he's fallen in love with you over that time, and I doubt if the other girl made a play for him he'd give her the time of day. Its you he chose and has been with for over a year.

If you can forgive how you got together I think the main problem is whether he loves you now. It sounds like he has betrayed your trust, mocking your religion and blabbing to his friends. But does that mean he doesn't love you? I'm not sure. If he's not religious like you it may be difficult for him to get his head around some aspects of your life. If it was good-natured talking to his friends about your religion I wouldn't put too much weight on it, it may just be him trying to understand. On the other hand, if it was really hurtful, ignorant comments, that's another thing entirely. Similarly when lads and talkign to their mates they may get swept up in conversation into saying things they regret. If it was just talking and trying to big himself up a bit I wouldn't worry too much, but again if it was really hurtful comments I'd be more concerned.

Try and look past the messages and figure out by the way he speaks to you to your face, the way the treats you, the way he acts when you are both round other people. That's the only way you can reliably figure out what you mean to him, not by reading his messages to other people :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

He's really nice to my face, don't get me wrong. And apart from being with me he tries to be religious. He won't compromise his religion a bit like I would do for him and that worries me. He looks at everything from a religious point of view and if I tell him to look at it from another perspective he argues with me :frown:

and the thing about disrespecting my religion was only recent..
another thing that really annoys me is that he doesnt get jealous; like if another guy compliments me, or tries flirting with me, he don't really care :frown:

i've had so many guys try do this and when i tell him he jus laughs it off :/
that worries me alot; it makes me feel insecure about myself, about how i look.
i don't want him to be the over possesive kinda bf but it would be nice for him to show he actually cared abit. Sometimes i worry that he's just in the relationship for the pleasure, even though he does say he cant live without me..
i end up having to say sorry for everything, even when things aren't my fault jus so i can try make the relationship work, but he never does that :frown:

im so confused!!!!

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