What do I do? She broke up with me and now I'm stuck in Germany in her room.
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She text me last night asking "How are you doing? and if I had eaten."
I responded with The internet cut out half an hour ago, and I hate just ate. I would like to talk about our relationship when you come over tomorrow before we go out.
She never responded to it though, I have wrote down what I want to say to her, as she was acting like a friend yesterday I don't want to be her friend. I want to work through this, but I will give her space. I know she's decided on her decision but if she feels she can give me another chance as I know now what I was doing was completely wrong. I will be willing to work things through as well.
I responded with The internet cut out half an hour ago, and I hate just ate. I would like to talk about our relationship when you come over tomorrow before we go out.
She never responded to it though, I have wrote down what I want to say to her, as she was acting like a friend yesterday I don't want to be her friend. I want to work through this, but I will give her space. I know she's decided on her decision but if she feels she can give me another chance as I know now what I was doing was completely wrong. I will be willing to work things through as well.
Original post by Anonymous
She text me last night asking "How are you doing? and if I had eaten."
I responded with The internet cut out half an hour ago, and I hate just ate. I would like to talk about our relationship when you come over tomorrow before we go out.
She never responded to it though, I have wrote down what I want to say to her, as she was acting like a friend yesterday I don't want to be her friend. I want to work through this, but I will give her space. I know she's decided on her decision but if she feels she can give me another chance as I know now what I was doing was completely wrong. I will be willing to work things through as well.
I responded with The internet cut out half an hour ago, and I hate just ate. I would like to talk about our relationship when you come over tomorrow before we go out.
She never responded to it though, I have wrote down what I want to say to her, as she was acting like a friend yesterday I don't want to be her friend. I want to work through this, but I will give her space. I know she's decided on her decision but if she feels she can give me another chance as I know now what I was doing was completely wrong. I will be willing to work things through as well.
I also wish I could of gone home days ago, I feel it would of made things better. As me staying has probably pushed her away.
It seems she never replied to my text as I said yesterday that I didn't want to discuss it today. I felt I needed to say it just before as I didn't feel I got chance to say everything
Jesus do you have no self respect, you kicked you gf out of her own room 
get a hotel! and get a grip!
get a hotel! and get a grip!Today she came over and I sat her down and told her everything I wanted such as I'm sorry, that I don't want to be friends, that I love her and that I know she cares but she doesnt have to say anything. She was crying and so was I. But I felt like I said everything I wanted. But then as she mentioned before she wanted to go for lunch and to show me around. Which that is what we did but I didn't mention anything relationship wise or touch her hand or anything. We had a nice time. And as I went for the train I went to hug her and she said thank you for the nice time. And then I told her I love her and she did aswell and we kissed.. properly. Then said bye. She waited until the train left while she waited I mouthed I'm sorry, she mouthed back its fine and we said bye and waved. But I can't take much from it. Just try to move on and give her the space she needs now and improve myself. I kinda hope when she comes back from Germany. But we will see
I know no one cares now about this thread. But just slowly coping now. Thanks the people with the positive advice.
Jesus Christ how did you even begin this relationship?
Stop bringing up **** about all your issues, she doesn't want to hear it. If she doesnt try to talk about it then don't ****ing talk about it!
Stop endlessly apologising; it's embarrassing me through the internet and makes you sound like a little bitch.
Stop bringing up **** about all your issues, she doesn't want to hear it. If she doesnt try to talk about it then don't ****ing talk about it!
Stop endlessly apologising; it's embarrassing me through the internet and makes you sound like a little bitch.
(edited 11 years ago)
She seems to be a good girl, but you aren't a good guy. Your problem lies right here:
Why did you change, why did you feel you need a change? Hah? She is testing you to see if you are a man to be able to stand up to yourself. You act like a ****ing pussy and apologise for what you have done. You haven't done anything wrong, you've got works, she's got works, you are busy, she is busy. Why would you put much effort on Skype. If you are able to send a frank and cold message:
- Hey baby, I tell you this once and only once, you are becoming a real bitch and demanding a lot more than I can afford. I have spent that much time with you because I do care for you, but you should know I am also very busy, if you can't understand. I am afraid that we have to separate for a while.
Trust me, after you do this, go silence. She will be much happier and trust you more even though she may get upset at first. If you do everything like what she wants, she will be very upset, she is upset not because you didn't make enough effort to be on Skype with her, but because you are not man enough to tell her to adjust her behaviour.
Your relationship seems to be damaged beyond repair, I sense that a break-up will ensue, either she actively cut you off, or she cheats on you.
The situation goes as, We went out for 11 months before she had to come to Germany for a year studying aboard. The first few months were fine, until after new year where she said I wasn't making enough effort. Which I wasn't. I didn't take it serious enough then, and not long after we had an arguement about it.
This arguement consisted of me having to change my attitude of the LDR. As I was trying to keep busy and be cool with our relationship. But she wanted me to put more effort in and not miss skype calls and such. This caused me to go 180 degrees on the situation, I started messaging her constantly whenever she was on she was to some extent ignoring me. It felt she switched aswell, but she says it's because she gained a life while in Germany.
This arguement consisted of me having to change my attitude of the LDR. As I was trying to keep busy and be cool with our relationship. But she wanted me to put more effort in and not miss skype calls and such. This caused me to go 180 degrees on the situation, I started messaging her constantly whenever she was on she was to some extent ignoring me. It felt she switched aswell, but she says it's because she gained a life while in Germany.
Why did you change, why did you feel you need a change? Hah? She is testing you to see if you are a man to be able to stand up to yourself. You act like a ****ing pussy and apologise for what you have done. You haven't done anything wrong, you've got works, she's got works, you are busy, she is busy. Why would you put much effort on Skype. If you are able to send a frank and cold message:
- Hey baby, I tell you this once and only once, you are becoming a real bitch and demanding a lot more than I can afford. I have spent that much time with you because I do care for you, but you should know I am also very busy, if you can't understand. I am afraid that we have to separate for a while.
Trust me, after you do this, go silence. She will be much happier and trust you more even though she may get upset at first. If you do everything like what she wants, she will be very upset, she is upset not because you didn't make enough effort to be on Skype with her, but because you are not man enough to tell her to adjust her behaviour.
Your relationship seems to be damaged beyond repair, I sense that a break-up will ensue, either she actively cut you off, or she cheats on you.
(edited 11 years ago)
You're an arse and will hopefully learn from the experience.
You went from not taking things seriously and missing calls to hounding her everyday and getting annoyed when she doesn't talk to you for long enough or doesn't Skype every day (when in America...)?
No wonder she is pulling her hair out.
Plus, you went through her diary. What part of you thought that was a good idea?
The contact thing was what used to get to me in an LDR. Some days I'd want lots of texts and long phone calls and other days I'd want to watch a movie, play games or go out with friends without being in constant contact. I'm fairly free and easy. I don't like it when someone doesn't reply to a direct question but I don't need someone to be available all the time. I can handle a few hours or even a day or so without hearing from someone as long as I don't think they're doing it out of spite. Needing to be in constant contact (lots of texts and messages every day) gets to me after a while. I think quality of communication is more important than quantity.
Sometimes things are just too broken to fix. Feelings have changed too much and the repairs can feel very forced. I'm sorry you're having a crappy time.
No wonder she is pulling her hair out.
Plus, you went through her diary. What part of you thought that was a good idea?
The contact thing was what used to get to me in an LDR. Some days I'd want lots of texts and long phone calls and other days I'd want to watch a movie, play games or go out with friends without being in constant contact. I'm fairly free and easy. I don't like it when someone doesn't reply to a direct question but I don't need someone to be available all the time. I can handle a few hours or even a day or so without hearing from someone as long as I don't think they're doing it out of spite. Needing to be in constant contact (lots of texts and messages every day) gets to me after a while. I think quality of communication is more important than quantity.
Sometimes things are just too broken to fix. Feelings have changed too much and the repairs can feel very forced. I'm sorry you're having a crappy time.
Original post by Foo.mp3
TL;DR but I vote: poop in her bed 
Seconded, purely for the hilarity of the statement.
Just another update to waste time. I know you are seem to be saying it's beyond repair.
Today was pretty ****ty, She was on facebook a lot of the day when she wouldn't normally be (or would appear offline) so it's strange. She also has changed her FB picture and posted one with her going sun bathing and a picnic with her friend. Part of me is thinking she wants me to talk. Other says shes moving on. I'm hoping when she comes back from Germany maybe there will be a chance due to the change in environment (no LDR).
Today was pretty ****ty, She was on facebook a lot of the day when she wouldn't normally be (or would appear offline) so it's strange. She also has changed her FB picture and posted one with her going sun bathing and a picnic with her friend. Part of me is thinking she wants me to talk. Other says shes moving on. I'm hoping when she comes back from Germany maybe there will be a chance due to the change in environment (no LDR).
Original post by Schmokie Dragon
Plus, you went through her diary. What part of you thought that was a good idea?
Plus, you went through her diary. What part of you thought that was a good idea?
I realized it made her react as I felt she wasn't listening to me. So it felt like a way to being listened to. But I know now it's was ridiculous thing to do. I wasn't thinking straight.
Original post by Anonymous
Just another update to waste time. I know you are seem to be saying it's beyond repair.
Today was pretty ****ty, She was on facebook a lot of the day when she wouldn't normally be (or would appear offline) so it's strange. She also has changed her FB picture and posted one with her going sun bathing and a picnic with her friend. Part of me is thinking she wants me to talk. Other says shes moving on. I'm hoping when she comes back from Germany maybe there will be a chance due to the change in environment (no LDR).
Today was pretty ****ty, She was on facebook a lot of the day when she wouldn't normally be (or would appear offline) so it's strange. She also has changed her FB picture and posted one with her going sun bathing and a picnic with her friend. Part of me is thinking she wants me to talk. Other says shes moving on. I'm hoping when she comes back from Germany maybe there will be a chance due to the change in environment (no LDR).
Ahhh dude. It sounds like you're swinging wildly between two sides of a pendulum, in more than one way too. You've got to learn stick to a happy middle ground. Yes, make an effort to speak to your girl, but don't make that effort all the time. When you want to talk about how you feel, do it at an appropriate time and don't be so full on. You two should have a good understanding of each other by now and so it shouldn't be how much you say or how emotional you get, more what you say, how you say it and how much you mean it.
This kinda stuff will only come through experience. Perhaps it's too late to salvage this relationship, perhaps not. It depends on how she feels and how you can find a happy medium. I think that everything you've done has been of the best intentions... put it this way...
If I were to fight you, I could swing wildly and do some damage, but it's not as effective as waiting for the right moment to throw one devastating blow.
If I were you, I would do a few things between now and when she gets back.
1) Think about what got you together
2) Think about what's taking you apart
3) Work out whether the things you find in 1 are still relevant to you both
4) If 3 is a yes, work out what's been the root cause of 2. Is it simply distance, you or her being overly needy, a level of mistrust between you or something else
5) Work out how you can both work on the answer to Q4.
Edit: I don't need to know the answers for 1 - 5, nor should you be able to answer me in the next day or so. You need to really think about this.
If things are looking positive by the end of 5, try take things back to the start. Before the stress, before the arguments, when you were happy. If that means just meeting up for dates, then so be it. If you guys are going to stay together, then by starting afresh may well remind you both of how much you mean to each other. If you then start your relationship properly again, you need to both agree to tell each other any small niggles before they get out of hand again.
If however, by the end of 5 it's not looking good, then end it. Simple as. Not all relationships work. As we grow up we change in many ways. As Scroobius Pip once rhymed:
See we got together so young,
before our real lives had begun,
but flowers don't grow up as one,
each finds its own way to the sun,
and that's exactly what we've done.
I hope that whatever happens works out for the both of you for the best. Just don't get to a point of resentment. It ain't nice for either of you.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by mikeyd85
Ahhh dude. It sounds like you're swinging wildly between two sides of a pendulum, in more than one way too. You've got to learn stick to a happy middle ground. Yes, make an effort to speak to your girl, but don't make that effort all the time. When you want to talk about how you feel, do it at an appropriate time and don't be so full on. You two should have a good understanding of each other by now and so it shouldn't be how much you say or how emotional you get, more what you say, how you say it and how much you mean it.
This kinda stuff will only come through experience. Perhaps it's too late to salvage this relationship, perhaps not. It depends on how she feels and how you can find a happy medium. I think that everything you've done has been of the best intentions... put it this way...
If I were to fight you, I could swing wildly and do some damage, but it's not as effective as waiting for the right moment to throw one devastating blow.
If I were you, I would do a few things between now and when she gets back.
1) Think about what got you together
2) Think about what's taking you apart
3) Work out whether the things you find in 1 are still relevant to you both
4) If 3 is a yes, work out what's been the root cause of 2. Is it simply distance, you or her being overly needy, a level of mistrust between you or something else
5) Work out how you can both work on the answer to Q4.
Edit: I don't need to know the answers for 1 - 5, nor should you be able to answer me in the next day or so. You need to really think about this.
If things are looking positive by the end of 5, try take things back to the start. Before the stress, before the arguments, when you were happy. If that means just meeting up for dates, then so be it. If you guys are going to stay together, then by starting afresh may well remind you both of how much you mean to each other. If you then start your relationship properly again, you need to both agree to tell each other any small niggles before they get out of hand again.
If however, by the end of 5 it's not looking good, then end it. Simple as. Not all relationships work. As we grow up we change in many ways. As Scroobius Pip once rhymed:
See we got together so young,
before our real lives had begun,
but flowers don't grow up as one,
each finds its own way to the sun,
and that's exactly what we've done.
I hope that whatever happens works out for the both of you for the best. Just don't get to a point of resentment. It ain't nice for either of you.
This kinda stuff will only come through experience. Perhaps it's too late to salvage this relationship, perhaps not. It depends on how she feels and how you can find a happy medium. I think that everything you've done has been of the best intentions... put it this way...
If I were to fight you, I could swing wildly and do some damage, but it's not as effective as waiting for the right moment to throw one devastating blow.
If I were you, I would do a few things between now and when she gets back.
1) Think about what got you together
2) Think about what's taking you apart
3) Work out whether the things you find in 1 are still relevant to you both
4) If 3 is a yes, work out what's been the root cause of 2. Is it simply distance, you or her being overly needy, a level of mistrust between you or something else
5) Work out how you can both work on the answer to Q4.
Edit: I don't need to know the answers for 1 - 5, nor should you be able to answer me in the next day or so. You need to really think about this.
If things are looking positive by the end of 5, try take things back to the start. Before the stress, before the arguments, when you were happy. If that means just meeting up for dates, then so be it. If you guys are going to stay together, then by starting afresh may well remind you both of how much you mean to each other. If you then start your relationship properly again, you need to both agree to tell each other any small niggles before they get out of hand again.
If however, by the end of 5 it's not looking good, then end it. Simple as. Not all relationships work. As we grow up we change in many ways. As Scroobius Pip once rhymed:
See we got together so young,
before our real lives had begun,
but flowers don't grow up as one,
each finds its own way to the sun,
and that's exactly what we've done.
I hope that whatever happens works out for the both of you for the best. Just don't get to a point of resentment. It ain't nice for either of you.
Thanks for the advice, and I'll try my best with it all. I understand exactly what you said at first that I need to find a happy median. It's just a shame it took for her to break up with me until I realised thats what I needed to do.
In bold you said think between now and when she gets back, She comes back in 3 months time, do I wait that long before doing anything or what?
I'm going to start thinking about answering them questions. Thanks.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the advice, and I'll try my best with it all. I understand exactly what you said at first that I need to find a happy median. It's just a shame it took for her to break up with me until I realised thats what I needed to do.
In bold you said think between now and when she gets back, She comes back in 3 months time, do I wait that long before doing anything or what?
I'm going to start thinking about answering them questions. Thanks.
In bold you said think between now and when she gets back, She comes back in 3 months time, do I wait that long before doing anything or what?
I'm going to start thinking about answering them questions. Thanks.
I'd get all those sorted in your head between now and then.
With regards to contact, see how she feels, how much she wants and just try your best without going too far.
Just to update.
I messaged her on Friday saying:
"Hey, Hope things are okay, things are usual here. Hope you enjoy your visit next week, and your gig. I'm just getting ready for --------. See you later x. "
Her reply on Saturday was :
"Hey, things are the usual, the weather was nice yesterday. Thank you and hope you enjoy -------. "
I replied to this Sunday saying:
"Glad you're enjoying the weather, It's being strange here, rain one second, sun the next.Nothing else too tell? Are you planning on visiting ---- during your time in England?"
I think she may of read into that a bit strangely, by thinking I was accusing her of something.
She got into England last night, I text her this morning saying:
"Is it okay if I call to clear the air?"
She replied with:
" You can if you want but I don't feel like there's any air to clear, we ended on a good note right? So there's no need to worry!"
I didn't really know what to take from this, but I rang later. I asked her how her flight and stuff was, she seemed like it was fine. I made a little small talk, and got round to saying that I had being worrying that she had being thinking bad things about us, and me. She said not at all. I also said that I didn't want there to be any hard feelings between us and she said atleast there isn't for me. She carried on small chat, and she told me she was sorting appointments out and that she'll have to go soon, but she could talk later if I wanted, I said I didn't want to bother her. Which she said well if you want to talk just tell me. she then said she is having dinner with her grandparents that evening. Then it finished with her saying talk to you later.
I don't know what to take from this, I want to know if there is a possibility after Germany, I know she probably hasn't thought about it yet. Also I'm about unsure on that fact she said I can tell her if I want to talk. Nothing of her wanting to talk to me.
Thoughts? What should my next move be?
I messaged her on Friday saying:
"Hey, Hope things are okay, things are usual here. Hope you enjoy your visit next week, and your gig. I'm just getting ready for --------. See you later x. "
Her reply on Saturday was :
"Hey, things are the usual, the weather was nice yesterday. Thank you and hope you enjoy -------. "
I replied to this Sunday saying:
"Glad you're enjoying the weather, It's being strange here, rain one second, sun the next.Nothing else too tell? Are you planning on visiting ---- during your time in England?"
I think she may of read into that a bit strangely, by thinking I was accusing her of something.
She got into England last night, I text her this morning saying:
"Is it okay if I call to clear the air?"
She replied with:
" You can if you want but I don't feel like there's any air to clear, we ended on a good note right? So there's no need to worry!"
I didn't really know what to take from this, but I rang later. I asked her how her flight and stuff was, she seemed like it was fine. I made a little small talk, and got round to saying that I had being worrying that she had being thinking bad things about us, and me. She said not at all. I also said that I didn't want there to be any hard feelings between us and she said atleast there isn't for me. She carried on small chat, and she told me she was sorting appointments out and that she'll have to go soon, but she could talk later if I wanted, I said I didn't want to bother her. Which she said well if you want to talk just tell me. she then said she is having dinner with her grandparents that evening. Then it finished with her saying talk to you later.
I don't know what to take from this, I want to know if there is a possibility after Germany, I know she probably hasn't thought about it yet. Also I'm about unsure on that fact she said I can tell her if I want to talk. Nothing of her wanting to talk to me.
Thoughts? What should my next move be?
I've been in a LDR for years starting off living in separate countries now different universities. Its tough but if you both want it enough it can work. Reading your story you remind me a lot of many of the arguments i've been through. These are the things both of you in the relationship need to accept, firstly the honeymoon period is over you know everything about each other so skyping becomes more forced less of a pleasure. Secondly, this is not a bad thing as long as you love each other and still have lots in common you don't need to chat everyday all the time. I find now that the long distance can be a bonus for example my friends sometimes can't go out because of the girlfriend or just chill out on the xbox or whatever. I have most of the week to do it then when I go visit my attention is all there. This is just my experience once we both accepted that we don't have to talk all the time we became more relaxed and chatted when we wanted too and it becomes enjoyable again. Oh yea and its time to let the stupid past arguments go in the huge scheme of things they don't matter and in time you will see they were petty. Good luck whatever happens.
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