How&#x27;d you react to living with someone who said they were disabled who looks fine?

OP

Original post by kiss_me_now9

My best friend from primary school has ME - she's had it since she was 11, she still relies on a wheelchair etc. to get around and can't leave the house really :frown:

I would say just explain it, tell your halls mates when you get in and as long as you're not an arse about it (which it doesn't sound like you will be!) then I would have no problem helping you if you asked.

I'm really sorry to hear that! :frown:

I take it she isn't going to uni then? I bet she's really grateful to have a best friend that's stuck by her (mine did too :smile:

but I know some people haven't been so lucky) Thank you, haha I don't know if I can be an arse about it? I'm really short so if I'm with people I don't know (particularly guys) I tend to pretend that my petiteness equates to patheticness rather than actually having a disability because I don't like telling people.

Reply 3

Democracy

20

Original post by xfirekittyx

So I guess what I'm asking is, what would your reaction be to living with someone like me in halls? If someone looks fine, do you take that at face value and won't believe anything to the contrary?

Well I'm smart enough to realise that:

1) Disability isn't exclusively physical.
2) Not all physical disability is immediately visible/discernable.

So it wouldn't be something I'd judge you (or anyone else) on at all. I'm not arrogant or prickish enough to decide on your behalf how your health and state of well-being ought to be classified, and then to treat you differently for it :smile:

Reply 4

Can I suggest that you ask the ME support people for some leaflets that you can give to your flatmates

Most people will be nice but they will find it easier to support you if they actually know what the issues are/could be

Reply 5

funsongfactory

11

There are always dicks in the world unfortunately, but if you just explain it to your flatmates then hopefully it will be fine. I know I wouldn't treat anyone any differently because they have a disability, whether it's visible or not, and I'm sure your flatmates will be happy to help you out if you're suffering :smile:

Good luck at uni OP!

Edit - why the hell has this been negged!?

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 6

aspirinpharmacist

20

I'd probably believe them if they told me. Besides, not all disabilities are physical, and sometimes you can't always tell. My best friend's autistic and I swear you'd just think she was shy. We never even knew until she told us. But I think you should explain to your flatmates, and like you say, the equipment in your room will probably give you away anyway, so they won't think you're lying. :smile:

It wouldn't make me treat my flatmate any differently, it would just be like remembering not to cook with eggs or something near them if they had an egg allergy. It's absolutely ridiculous to punish someone for something outwith their control. I'm sure most people wouldn't mind giving you a hand if you need it. :smile:

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Democracy

Well I'm smart enough to realise that:

1) Disability isn't exclusively physical.
2) Not all physical disability is immediately visible/discernable.

So it wouldn't be something I'd judge you (or anyone else) on at all. I'm not arrogant or prickish enough to decide on your behalf how your health and state of well-being ought to be classified, and then to treat you differently for it :smile:

Unfortuntely not all people are as mature as you! But I'm hoping I'll be living with atleast one person with your attitude :smile:

Reply 8

OP

Original post by TenOfThem

Can I suggest that you ask the ME support people for some leaflets that you can give to your flatmates

Most people will be nice but they will find it easier to support you if they actually know what the issues are/could be

That's a good idea, but who are the M.E support people?!

Reply 9

Rybee

2

Original post by TenOfThem

Can I suggest that you ask the ME support people for some leaflets that you can give to your flatmates

Most people will be nice but they will find it easier to support you if they actually know what the issues are/could be

Honestly if somebody I ever lived with started giving me leaflets about their illness I'd be so offended and genuinely would do my utmost to avoid them.

How patronising.

Reply 10

Original post by xfirekittyx

That's a good idea, but who are the M.E support people?!

Dunno ... I assumed that you might know

Reply 11

linkdapink

15

My friend had a similar problem with people not believing that she had a disability (not ME though) and she just had to explain to people what it was and why she needed the extra things that she did. Everyone was nice about it (other than some shop owners, where she had used the disabled toilet) but some people just thought she was "putting it on" especially around exams (she got extra time), but her friends and people that knew her would stick up for her. Unfortunatly, its a case of getting to know people, and letting people know you... otherwise people tend to jump to conclusions :/

Reply 12

Original post by Rybee

Honestly if somebody I ever lived with started giving me leaflets about their illness I'd be so offended and genuinely would do my utmost to avoid them.

How patronising.

Really?

Well it takes all sorts

If I were living with someone with a disability that I knew nothing about I would want to know

Reply 13

Dorito

15

I agree that the leaflet idea is terrible.

Just tell your housemates, you're at university now people are a little bit more mature than at school. Just make them aware of it and just tell them that they should feel free to ask you anything about it if they want too.

Reply 14

blahblahblah1

12

Just be upfront and honest with people, tell them about your condition and let them ask questions, that way they should understand M.E a lot better and shouldn't have anything negative to say about it. I'm sure people will be very understanding.

Reply 15

hobnob

Original post by TenOfThem

Really?

Well it takes all sorts

If I were living with someone with a disability that I knew nothing about I would want to know

I'd want to know, but I wouldn't necessarily want that person to hand me a leaflet about it at our first encounter. Would you? :erm:

Reply 16

Dorito

15

Original post by TenOfThem

Really?

Well it takes all sorts

If I were living with someone with a disability that I knew nothing about I would want to know

Well ask them about it or Google it.

Giving leaflets out is a bit weird and try hard.

Reply 17

OP

Original post by aspirinpharmacist

I'd probably believe them if they told me. Besides, not all disabilities are physical, and sometimes you can't always tell. My best friend's autistic and I swear you'd just think she was shy. We never even knew until she told us. But I think you should explain to your flatmates, and like you say, the equipment in your room will probably give you away anyway, so they won't think you're lying. :smile:

It wouldn't make me treat my flatmate any differently, it would just be like remembering not to cook with eggs or something near them if they had an egg allergy. It's absolutely ridiculous to punish someone for something outwith their control. I'm sure most people wouldn't mind giving you a hand if you need it. :smile:

Hi you

thank for the reply! I have facebook now btw!
You're think though as if they were you (who seems to be a nice person from all our chats) not everyone is so empathetic! Some people might not think, oh ok she got equipment from student finance it must be legit but rather, 'omg what a faker and she's using hard working tax payers money to pay for free stuff!' The thing is there are people out there who don't see it as, 'oh wow it's unfair on this person that they have to overcome these problems' but 'omg she doesn't have to do x and get's y it's so unfair on the rest of us!'

Reply 18

CocoAndPeanuts

1

Good luck getting DLA. Your in for a long battle...I will tell you that for free.

Reply 19