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Do you think I should tell him? Guys, would you want to know?

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a few months now and I love him very much. But before then (around a year ago) I had a couple of 'things' with two of our mutual friends. I never think about them that way any more and I would certainly never cheat, but I can't help but feel as my partner he deserves to know about what happened. Especially as he sees both of them fairly regularly. But at the same time, it just feels like it might create a lot of tension and upset him when there's really no need. I'm also scared it might make him mistrust me around them, even though I would never do anything. They're still two of my best friends and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable if I hang out with them.

Both of them are in relationships of their own now. We see each other often because we go to the same uni, have the same interests and attend the same social/clubs etc. It makes sense for us to stay friends.

To be honest, the biggest reason I never told him is because it never occurred to me, really. It was so long ago and such a casual thing that it's never seemed a big deal. It's only now I really think about it that I feel it's something I should tell him.

I'm not sure what the right thing to do here is, what do you think?

Thoughts, anyone?

just tell him in a jokey way as if it isnt important. he should be okay with it and feel that he can fess up on things he has done :smile:

Reply 3

boba

if my boyfriend told me he had had a thing with a friend in the past I'd be much more accepting than if I found out another way like someone else mentioning it. Not telling him makes it seem like you have something to hide.

Reply 4

SnoochToTheBooch

nah don't bother. it's not like you've cheated on him so why make him paranoid? if it's not broke, don't fix it.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 5

Mankytoes

What do you mean, that there was a tense moment of attraction? If you didn't do anything, don't tell him.

If it was me, I'd just wonder why shes telling me about this.

Reply 6

username925822

I wouldnt wanna know, :holmes:

no boy wanna know your past relationships makes them jel :mwuaha:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mankytoes

What do you mean, that there was a tense moment of attraction? If you didn't do anything, don't tell him.

If it was me, I'd just wonder why shes telling me about this.

Nah it was more than that. With the first guy we sort of dated for a bit and went a bit further, but we broke it off mutually about a month in before it went anywhere serious. With the second we basically both got drunk a number of times and ended up in bed, but we agreed from the start neither of us were looking for a relationship and it only lasted a couple of weeks.

I never actually slept with either. But did just about everything short of that.

Reply 8

username47781

I don't think you need to tell him as it happened before you got together anyway

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

I am slightly worried he would find out from other means and be upset that I didn't tell him. I mean a few people know about the first guy and I never asked them (nor would I) to keep it secret, so he could find out eventually.

Would you be upset to find out your girlfriend didn't tell you something like that? Would you understand her reasons for it?

It's kind of a strange situation. Cause it means nothing to me, really. I'm just trying to figure out what the fairest solution on him is. I want to be honest with him, but also minimize his pain. I don't want to tell him if it's going to hurt him. But I also don't want to not tell him in case that hurts him.

Bleh. I don't know. Most answers seem to be leaning towards not bothering. I might stick with that for now, but maybe tell him if a good opportunity arises.

Reply 10

username47781

I may be a little weary but then think the important thing I would have to then realise is that she is with me now not the other guys.

Reply 11

katyness

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

nah don't bother. it's not like you've cheated on him so why make him paranoid? if it's not broke, don't fix it.

"Listen" to the wise words.

Reply 12

Mankytoes

Original post by Anonymous

My bad, I missed where you said it was before you were seeing him. I think telling him would just complicate things. Just make sure you are careful around both so no "moments" happen with them.

Reply 13

So Instinct

I'd personally want to know, not saying it makes it seem like it's something to hide and if I heard it from a friend first I would be much more upset/irritated than had you told me yourself.
I personally prefer open honest relationships, it's not a big deal and any normal guy should be able to accept his gf has a past.