muslim girl with bf
I got caught with my muslim boyfriend after speaking to him 6 months and we have been friendsd for 2 years. In the heat of the moment my parents were against him however then said they were happy to meet his parents and we could get engaged in a year. He agreed to this however said he doesnt want to tell his parents about us as it is too early and hes not ready. Eventhough he said i was perfect and the one.
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To add, my parents say i should cut him off if he doesnt want to tell his parents about getting engaged in a year, with marriage after 3-4 years. He doesnt want to tell his parents and idk how to convince him, please help.
I got caught with my muslim boyfriend after speaking to him 6 months and we have been friends for 2 years. In the heat of the moment my parents were against him however then said they were happy to meet his parents and we could get engaged in a year. He agreed to this however said he doesnt want to tell his parents about us as it is too early and hes not ready. Eventhough he said i was perfect and the one.To add, my parents say i should cut him off if he doesnt want to tell his parents about getting engaged in a year, with marriage after 3-4 years. He doesnt want to tell his parents and idk how to convince him, please help. I dont understand dwhy he dont wanna tell them if they wont care
Original post by Anonymous #1
I got caught with my muslim boyfriend after speaking to him 6 months and we have been friends for 2 years. In the heat of the moment my parents were against him however then said they were happy to meet his parents and we could get engaged in a year. He agreed to this however said he doesnt want to tell his parents about us as it is too early and hes not ready. Eventhough he said i was perfect and the one.To add, my parents say i should cut him off if he doesnt want to tell his parents about getting engaged in a year, with marriage after 3-4 years. He doesnt want to tell his parents and idk how to convince him, please help. I dont understand dwhy he dont wanna tell them if they wont care
Is he even serious then do you think he’s playing and using you.
Original post by Mohammed_80
Is he even serious then do you think he’s playing and using you.
Im not sure he said hed be willing to tell his parents only once we get engaged end of this year, however he told his 2 older brothers which makes me think hes serious.
Honestly, I would cut ties with him it’s against Islam to have a bf and if it’s meant to be inshallah it will, he will tell his parents next year and you will be engaged. But until then I would just carry on with my life and keep him outside of it, this whole let’s be engaged and I don’t tell my parents is bs and your parents are right to think he’s playing you. Its disrespectful, he is asking you to risk yourself without him taking In any responsibility/risk himself. Which if he truly cared he would do or just leave you alone if he can’t. If not meant to be, then at least you have protected your heart and put Allah bf anyone else, including your desires.
Original post by bimbibap
Honestly, I would cut ties with him it’s against Islam to have a bf and if it’s meant to be inshallah it will, he will tell his parents next year and you will be engaged. But until then I would just carry on with my life and keep him outside of it, this whole let’s be engaged and I don’t tell my parents is bs and your parents are right to think he’s playing you. Its disrespectful, he is asking you to risk yourself without him taking In any responsibility/risk himself. Which if he truly cared he would do or just leave you alone if he can’t. If not meant to be, then at least you have protected your heart and put Allah bf anyone else, including your desires.
My parents however have shown me a marriage proposal that im not happy with and my mom said to me i have to say yes by tommorrow to this proposal, or my BF. She said i should say yes to the proposal to keep her happiness, or go against them all and speak to my bf anf try convinve him to tell family. Im stuck because i dont like the proposal and not willing to ruin my whole life just to keep my mom happy. But i also know she will go mad when i say no to her proposal
I dont think my parents will let me wait a year for him due to them finding out and will probably try get me to marry someone else
Im unsure as to how i should convinve my bf to tell his parents, also my dad already knows his dad which makes things alot easier!! However hes reluctant to tell them and idk how to convnce him or make him feel bad and tell them. Ive done sm and gone against my whole family and no one is speakng to me bc of him however he wont tell his parents or speak on the phone.
But ive got a day to decide however even if i choose him, idk where it will go cause he wont tell his parents and mine wanna speak to his
(edited 3 months ago)
The ultimatum your mum has given you is completely unfair, If you don’t want to marry him, she should not try to force you. If that’s what is making you rush and trying to convince your current bf, I understand. But at the same time, have you told him this? If he knows and he is willing to let you marry someone else, then I think that tells you how much he is willing to do to keep you in his life.. basically nothing. I would tell your mum that you aren’t willing to marry this person but also maybe not rush into marrying this guy espec if he’s reluctant, as the saying goes ‘if he wanted to, he would’.
Yes thats whats making me rush, however i told him and he said to stand on my ground and straight up say no and to not worry as they cant force me into anything. Hes told me not to marry him because ofc im not happy. My mom says he has money and wealth like your typical asians but idc about that.
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yes thats whats making me rush, however i told him and he said to stand on my ground and straight up say no and to not worry as they cant force me into anything. Hes told me not to marry him because ofc im not happy. My mom says he has money and wealth like your typical asians but idc about that.
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
He initially told me to keep it on the low again when they found out, which i agreed to, but then my parents were happy to meet so i said no. So i said to him yday if u just tell ur dad this would all be sm easier, and he replied saying well i could easily say if u kept it on the low this would be easier smh.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes thats whats making me rush, however i told him and he said to stand on my ground and straight up say no and to not worry as they cant force me into anything. Hes told me not to marry him because ofc im not happy. My mom says he has money and wealth like your typical asians but idc about that.
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
His reasoning however is that weve only known each other 6 months and he needs more time to be definite that he wants to be engaged to me. Theres no rush to marry him if he did tell his dad, and we would get engaged wnd of this year and married in 3 years once wed finished uni. My moms going to ask me tommorrow whether its her proposal or my bf, but even if i do say my bf if he doesnt tell his parents it leaves me in a crap situation either way?
Thanks for the advice btw im suprised someone helps, ive no one to speak to so means alot
So he doesn’t want you to marry this other guy but also won’t stand up and say he’s ready to marry you. Girl. Please, if he’s not ready that’s totally okay but making you wait around and be in a haram relationship is crazy. Tell your mum you don’t want to marry this other guy and also don’t wait around for your bf. Also the maddest part if your mum trying to force you into this marriage, it’s smart bc she’s basically making you think you have a choice but tbh this is no choice. No mother who truly loves her kid is going to force them to marry someone they don’t and say if you don’t, you don’t ‘love me’. She is making this marriage about her when it isn’t. You need to be clear (and respectful) with your mum that regardless of how the situation goes with your bf, either way you aren’t ready for marriage espc with a person you don’t like. That’s okay sis I really hope it works out for your. Please please when your are struggling know Allah helps those who follows his guidance, do things the right way and inshallah it will work out. Nothing good can come from either marriage a forced one or a haram one.
Original post by bimbibap
So he doesn’t want you to marry this other guy but also won’t stand up and say he’s ready to marry you. Girl. Please, if he’s not ready that’s totally okay but making you wait around and be in a haram relationship is crazy. Tell your mum you don’t want to marry this other guy and also don’t wait around for your bf. Also the maddest part if your mum trying to force you into this marriage, it’s smart bc she’s basically making you think you have a choice but tbh this is no choice. No mother who truly loves her kid is going to force them to marry someone they don’t and say if you don’t, you don’t ‘love me’. She is making this marriage about her when it isn’t. You need to be clear (and respectful) with your mum that regardless of how the situation goes with your bf, either way you aren’t ready for marriage espc with a person you don’t like. That’s okay sis I really hope it works out for your. Please please when your are struggling know Allah helps those who follows his guidance, do things the right way and inshallah it will work out. Nothing good can come from either marriage a forced one or a haram one.
I have tried to pm you however it wont work im in such a difficult situation rn but i have no one to speak to, thanks for your help and may all your wishes come trur and you recieve all the blessings in the world for helping a sister out.
He doesnt want to marry me however doesnt want me to leave him and just says its upto my parents to decide now. Today is the last time to speak to him before i answer my mom tommorrow. But me and him got along so well and it would make me so sad to leave him. I dont know what to text him or how to convince him but i really want to try figure things with him. Also hes not ready but my parents if they spoke to his wouldnt do anything till end of this year anyways and would allow us to text etc as they would be aware.
Original post by bimbibap
ahh sis that’s okay! I really hope this works out for you, what ever happens, don’t let anyone force you to marry someone you don’t want to regardless. I didn’t get a pm from you? Maybe bc the accounts anonymous. What’s your @?
no they wouldnt force me which is why she gave me the choice. Any tips on how to convince him that if i say to my parents i want to get engaged to him he will tell his dad.
my account is unknownnn.12 but bc im a new user i dont think you can pm me 
Original post by orueq
I would be very cautious if I were you. If he is not willing to tell his parents he may not be taking this as seriously as you think he is. And the marriage occurring in 3-4 years is quite concerning. It's best not to put such a delay to the marriage like that especially if you are 'engaged'. Also, I'm sure you know that having boyfriends is haraam in Islaam, therefore you should cut off this relationship with him. If you decide that you want to marry him, then still keep minimal contact with him from a distance, with your father involved in this process. Know, may Allaah bless you, that if you base this relationship with him off with haraam that Allaah is angry with, then you cannot expect Allaah to put happiness and blessing into your marriage so ensure you do not keep him as your 'boyfriend'. Let me know if you need any more help.
If we was to get engaged he would tell his parents he says. We would only get engaged and then married in 3 years due to both being at university and us already having a busy year due to other family weddings. I need to make the decision tommorrow and let my mom know.
I dont know how to put it into words to say to him look like you need to tell your dad and if both parents are involved then we can get to know each other an get engaged .
Are you a male if u dont mind me masking, do u think 6 months is enough to know whether we want to get engaged considering we spoke all the time etc?
My parents are not so leniant as his and all his siblings had love marriages whereas all mine have arranged, which is why he views things differently to me, and his parents wouldnt care.
Original post by orueq
Yes I am a male. This type of process with 'engagement' is not too familiar with me because all I know is the traditional Islamic method of vetting out a potential spouse by asking those around them about their religious commitment and character, then the two can meet each other, look at each other and talk to each other in front of the woman's guardian (usually father). After they are pleased with each other then they go ahead with the marriage.
I don't know where the 'engagement' period fits into this and I'm concerned that this period may be problematic as you aren't really married at that point and are basically strangers (so you can't meet them alone, text them without supervision, touch one another and so on) until you get the nikaah (Islamic marriage) done. The problem is that you are saying that this would be a 3-4 year period and therefore is a serious commitment to make in which you aren't even married yet. This may inevitably lead to impatience between the two and will result in them doing dishonourable things like meeting up with each other alone, and perhaps even zinā (we seek refuge in Allāh from this). Allāh knows best.
I don't know where the 'engagement' period fits into this and I'm concerned that this period may be problematic as you aren't really married at that point and are basically strangers (so you can't meet them alone, text them without supervision, touch one another and so on) until you get the nikaah (Islamic marriage) done. The problem is that you are saying that this would be a 3-4 year period and therefore is a serious commitment to make in which you aren't even married yet. This may inevitably lead to impatience between the two and will result in them doing dishonourable things like meeting up with each other alone, and perhaps even zinā (we seek refuge in Allāh from this). Allāh knows best.
in my family engagements is a big thing and happens before Nikkah. But surely this would take the pressure off him a little if hes saying he isnt ready as its end of this year? im just very unsure as to why he wouldnt tell his parents if he says they wont care? Is 6 months to little to know someone?
I just feel very helpless in the whole situation as ill say no to the proposal and even if i say yes to him it leaves me stuck in the mud if he dont wanna tell his parents. How do i say to him look ive sacrificed sm for u and u cant even tell your parents?
I mean the only reason to come to acceptance for a marriage to be in 2/3 years is say let’s say for example because of educational purposes your pursuing of education needs to be finished off or fulfilled that’s what the girl I wish to marry is doing otherwise just like me she’s desperate to get married and I’ve waited nearly a year and a half for her to tell her parents and next year her last year of university.
Yes that's what he says as we are in education. He said he's not willing to tell his parents till we get engaged, but I can meet them if I want? Do u think I should say to him I want to meet your parents or no
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yes that's what he says as we are in education. He said he's not willing to tell his parents till we get engaged, but I can meet them if I want? Do u think I should say to him I want to meet your parents or no
Yeah but you both are in education, I’ve graduated I’ve told my mum about the girl I want to marry in the shoes of the girl it’s difficult although she’s tried multiple times in an anonymous form to tell him mum yet her mum refuses on the subject of marriage even she’s past the age she said she’d tell her mum although she’s in her final year of university this coming September I didn’t pressurise her in this sense though I made clear there needs to be some movement in our marriage talks especially this year because there’s no excuses I’ve waited nearly 2 years for her I’ve given her flexible Nikkah options and I just want to know I’ll have my engagement to her and the reassurance from her parents I have the word from her which is reassuring although her parents also just needs to give me some assurance as well although she herself said her parents ain’t marrying again and I’m marrying her and I’m grinding my socks off to fund for my half of the wedding working non stop a minimum 5 if not 6 days a week.
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