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Issues with learning and reading math

Hello everyone, I have a big problem with math, I don t get it, I m always stuck.
I have done my A-level in math, but got very bad grade and I m want to retake it in 6 months online .
Every time I open my books I m like....I can t do it.
My problem is that I m thinking that I should understand why formula are like they are , why this divide by that ex..... and it kills me, Should I care or should I just know when to use them without thinking why they are like that? Like you know how to drive a car without knowing how it works.
I m very depressed, specially because I want to get into civil engineering later.
I know that there will be lot of mathematics.
When I m studying math, I m like reading and reading and I m so afraid of doing exercises. I feel dumb, I can t anymore do math in my head.
It takes me a while to understand concepts and theorems. I have dyslexia so perhaps it is a part of the problem.
Do you have some advices for me, like how I should study math, how I should organize myself ex....
I will very much appreciate advices
Thank you