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Has the relationship run its course?

I'll try to keep it short:

We got together about a year and a half ago, the first 6 months were well, then I started to act like a douche. I was distant, and wasn't putting in enough effort and she was started to get very upset but stayed in the relationship and kept trying. I eventually started to improve, but this was after she had enough and told me to change or else it'd be over. She left on holiday for 6 weeks and I started to miss her a lot during this time. I thought a lot about our relationship and figured out that she was definitely the one for me. Someone who sticks out the relationship for this long is not worth leaving. I told her this during her holiday and she was happy and we got back together. She then started to have family problems on the holiday and I also had problems at home, we started to argue more and more because of this as well as the distance. A few days ago an old friend of hers (who isn't really into the *relationship* lifestyle like her or I) came back to see her. Two days ago she took her out doing god knows what and yesterday she told me that she wanted space between us and for us to "work on ourselves". I kind of overreacted and called her a quitter and then cut communication. I hoped that she would have called me or something but she said done absolutely nothing.

Now I'm miserable as ****, sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. Lost motivation to look for work, stopped exercising and I'm just sitting in bed all day thinking about her. I just know she isn't doing the same.

I'm trying to figure out why she wanted space. The friend of hers used to get her to make out with random guys when she was 14-15, and although I trust my (ex?) girlfriend completely I don't really trust her friend. Perhaps the day they went out she saw the potential guys there and just wanted space from me to do what she wanted for the remainder of her holiday, or perhaps the arguments were too much for her and she had enough of me. I don't know.

Should I contact her or should I just leave it completely? I don't really know what I want anymore. I was planning to get married to this girl, now I have no idea what I should do. I never wanted a relationship where someone needs space, I don't see why she needs it but you never hear of couples who "need space" then get married etc.

I was planning to let her contact me, then tell her that I might not be here if she wants to spend 4 weeks needing space, because I don't think it's fair on me at all as I have absolutely no one else, I don't have anyone else to talk to this about and my life just feels empty now.

Any advice please.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hello sorry that you're having such a rough time.
I think that you should just tell her straight out how you feel. If you love someone you have to expose your vulnerabilities to them and have them accept you for how you are. I think most of the time relationships fail because of a lack of communication, people tend to try to one up each other "I can go the longest without messaging you" kinda thing. It's not healthy, you need to be honest with this girl about how you feel and figure out yourself what you really want from her. It's ok to take some time to figure things out just let each other know thats all it is and if you both decide you want to be together then what you have is real and lasting, if not then I'm afraid to say you haven't met the person you are meant to be with yet as when you are with the person you truly want to be with for the rest of your life you will have moments of doubt but you will always find your way back to each other as they will be irreplaceable in your life and you in theirs.
This isn't some mumbojumo stuff I'm talking, I don't believe in soul mates I believe in people finding someone compatible to themselves and in order for a relationship to last it doesn't have to be perfect all the time (thats impossible!) you just need to both be dedicated and work at it.
If I was you and knew I wanted to be with this girl I would tell her i want to meet her (if she refuses to meet or you are too eager then email her) tell her how you feel, that you know she has put more effort in at times and that you will only ever want her so you really want to work things out as she is an important person in your life.
It's also not fair if she wants to string you along not knowing how she feels so give her as much space as you can if she doesn't reply just let her know after a few days that as much as you want to be with her you need to know if she feels the same or not and ask her to share her feelings with you.
Hope this helped