Was I raped?

Before I go on, are you male or female?

I'm female but I don't think that matters tbh

The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?

Well those people are overreacting. It doesn't make it right but I still don't believe that this case was rape. Were the circumstances in other threads identical to this? Because there are tiny changes that could easily turn a ONS into rape.

I think perhaps we're talking at cross-purposes. I'm not saying that that's rape.

"Got drunk enough that I essentially had no idea what I was doing, lost memory of most of the night, ended up with random unattractive girl I'd met the previous night next to me in the morning, got told by my friends that I was roaring drunk and was more or less accosted by said girl in club. I don't think incidents like that should count as rape."

If you got so drunk you didn't know what was going on and a man had sex with you in that state, would you consider that rape?

(It's unclear in your example if you did actually consent or not - sounds like it was unclear to you as well?)

A man being erect has nothing to do with consenting? If he's that turned on he's obviously sexually attracted to the girl, obviously turned on ? Otherwise he wouldn't be "erect" would he.. that just seems an illogical statement to me.

It doesn't work like that at all.

Getting an erection can be very mechanical anyway. It is possible to get an erection without wanting to actually have sex with someone or at all. Men also get erections in their sleep regardless of whether they are sexually aroused. When in puberty you can just get then completely randomly. (which was a real pain the ass)

Even if you were turned on by a girl there may be other reason why you don't want to sleep with her regardless of how turned on you are. Not wanting to cheat for example. You don't just stop being attracted to every other women just because you are in a relationship.

There is no way this logic would apply to women either. Just because a women is suitably aroused doesn't mean the man can just have sex with her regardless of whether she wants it or not. It's pretty easy for your body to betray yourself like this. It's biologically hardwired to do so. Her body is trying to get her to have sex to increase her chance of getting pregnant but she knows she doesn't want that in the long term.

1) I made that post when I was really tired so I couldn't explain properly what I meant.
2) What I mean is that in usual situations guys get turned on when they are attracted to girls and usually then will try to have sex with that girl - I've never known a guy with a hard-on to say no to sex. I've never heard of it. I'm sure it happens - but I don't think it's the norm. That's why rape stats of male against female are so high but female against male is so low.
3) How exactly is the average female supposed to overpower the average male physically enough to be able to have sex with him? She'd need to get him turned on enough in the first place (which if he was scared/upset/defensive/anxious probably wouldn't happen) and then actually overpower him enough to have sex with him.. if this happens, it's rare, because I've never heard of it. Drugging the guy and tying him up is a different story, as someone else mentioned - but it isn't the NORM,< you don't hear of it at all.. ever.. so it can't be applied to the average situation.

It obviously isn't just to do with hard-ons it's to do with strength too, and the average guy is stronger than the average girl.. it's lots of factors really..

I'm not saying that I was overpowered. I'm saying that I was too drunk to be in a state of mind to give valid consent, whether I agreed at the time or not. There is no way I would have consented if I was sober, and I guess she took advantage of the fact I was out of my mind to seduce me and trick me into sex.

But wasn't she drunk too? How could she give "valid" consent if she was drinking too? In fact, how do you know that you didn't rape her?
You had a drunken one night stand and now you regret it.. just because you're guilty doesn't mean you can cry rape. It's ridiculous.

No she wasn't drunk. I talked to her about it afterwards and some of my other friends from the party.

Find it hard to believe she wasn't drinking.
I have known oodles and oodles of people who have gone out, had too much to drink and then done something they regretted/one night stand, (have you seen Geordie Shore?!) .. their instant thought is not "was I raped" it's usually "crap, won't get so drunk again".. You're responsible for your own behaviour drunk or not.. you didn't mention anything in your post about her tying you up and forcing you into sex acts, you actually said she didn't overpower you so it sounds as if you were totally consensual and into it as much as she was. You're turning a drunken one night stand into a rape accusation and seriously, that's a dangerous game to play - you're messing with people's lives.
In my opinion, the fault is with you. You couldn't handle your drink and you got intimate with a girl you wouldn't have done sober - happens to many, many people. I think you need to turn the blame inwardly instead of outwardly.

All these threads annoy the hell out of me, regardless of gender.
If you get smashed, do stuff you regret, then it's still your own fault. This was not rape and neither was the female one I last read. Having a drunken one night stand with someone else who was drunk is not rape.
People need to take responsibility for themselves.
If you get drunk and break stuff, does that now mean you aren't guilty of vandalism?

Everyone now knows that being drunk makes you more vulnerable - to rape, theft etc.
Yes, you can try to teach guys not to rape, but how about a little realism - people will continue to steal and rape. So the best thing to do is take control and help yourself too.
I hate how saying that one shouldn't get blind drunk to help avoid rape is unacceptable, but telling someone to do the same with theft etc. is fine - it's the same situations.

All this does is take any credibility away from real rape situations.

I think the girl is the fault. Just because he is drunk doesn't mean that she has the right to have sex with him.
But I agree with you slightly. He should control his drinking somehow. Ominous things can happen during parties like this. It's worth avoiding the risk than taking it and have consequences.

Yeah I mean obviously issues like this aren't black and white they're sensitive and there's a lot of factors at play - I just don't believe for one minute that the girl he had sex with was as sober as he's making her out to be. I'm sure they were both drunk and both as silly as eachother but now he's regretting it he's making it into something it's not.