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Soz, kind of a moan, but I would like advice/a slap round the face if needs be

My flatmate who I'm really close to goes out to eat a lot (Not at very expensive places, but anyway....)because she doesn't like cooking and I tag along.

The problem is that I can't afford to go out for every meal, buy mags every week and have Starbucks each day. Plus, I badly want to learn to cook.

How do I say no tactfully?

Also, I'd like to go out sometimes, but I don't feel like I can leave her on her own and she doesn't like the nightclub/bar/pub culture that's so integrated with student life. Do any of you guys think it'd be rude to go without her, or should I just tell her I'm off and go...?

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Reply 1

The_Bear

"Hey girlfriend! How about me and you cook together one night?"

Alternate washing up nights and youre sorted.

Reply 2

G4ry

Either get a job so you can have the money to go out to eat or tell her that you can't afford it or you're trying to be more healthy.

As for the going out - invite her and if she doesn't want to go; so be it. It's your life and you shouldn't let someone else impose on your opportunity to enjoy yourself.

However, saying all this i do question your first statement as if you were so close you would have spoken of these issues to her already rather than make excuses on why you can't afford her lifestyle.

Reply 3

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

What I mean by us two being close is that we talk about anything and everything.

Do you think this'd be acceptable to say, anyone?

Her: We'll go out for lunch (and/or) tea, k?
Me: I'd love to, but I literally only have a fiver (It sounds REALLY like I'm skint then) on me. How 'bout we cook *insert name of dish here* tonight?

Thanks for what you've suggested so far, people.

Reply 4

G4ry

So you're going to use that excuse every time? - It's going to get tired very quickly.

You talk about anything and everything - so just be honest and tell her you can't afford it and want to eat in.

Reply 5

Figaro123

Yeah, just say how you can't afford to do it, otherwise it'll seem like you're making excuses for just not liking her or something.

Reply 6

coni

what about "nah i feel like cooking something for myself tonight"

Reply 7

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

G4ry

So you're going to use that excuse every time? - It's going to get tired very quickly.

In retrospect, I see what you mean there.....

I want a job, but have no idea where to turn on-campus (for looking for jobs, I mean). Anyways, I'll search round and keep you lot posted.

Reply 8

FyreFight

Why not just say that you can't afford it? :confused:

I doubt she's going to be offended that you can't afford to eat out every day.

Reply 9

Mattmoy_2000

Why not suggest cooking together? It's just as sociable, and a fraction of the price. Alternatively, eat at student places, like the SU or something.

Reply 10

Mr.God

It's not like you're rejecting her company, you're not going out to dinner because you can't afford to. She can't reasonably get resentful with you not going out for dinner every night. How many students eat out every single night?

As for not going out pubbing/clubbing because of her, you can't be serious? You're going to miss out on social activities you would enjoy because you think it might be rude to do them without her? Don't be ridiculous. Tell her you're going and invite her with you. If she doesn't want to go, then simply wish her a good evening and be on your way.

Reply 11

notts

how about "i cant afford to continously eat out for every meal, it is a really un-economical way of living"

should just about do the trick.

Reply 12

IndianDiva

Just be honest... me n my flatmates used to tell each other regularly.

Everyone knows students are on a budget.

Reply 13

phoenixv

Yeah, just be honest and tell her. I tell all my friends that and they understand I can't afford to.

On the other hand, the meals I cook aren't too bad, so they put up with it haha. We have cooked meals and washed up together,and it's fun. We might play a bit of bridge or go out clubbing afterwards. I tell them I don't drink either coz no.1 I don't like the taste and no. 2 I haf no cash. lolx.

Bout the clubbing, try to persuade her to go out at least once a week. That's minimal and reasonable. Find out what kind of music she likes and bring her to places which play that type of music. The most important thing is that she enjoys it, and then she will go. No point doing something you don't like, is there?

Reply 14

DontBuyTheSun

Stop trying to accomodate your life around someone elses.
She may be your friend, but you have your own life to live and you shouldnt be forced into paying to eat out every day.

Reply 15

Ariel4

Just tell her that you cant afford it, theres nothing with being skint! i dont know anyone at my uni who can afford to eat out every night, even the ones that live at home.
If she doesnt like really busy clubs and bars, why dont you try and find somewhere a little more upmarket to go, that wont be so busy and loud, and ask her if she wants to go there. just google the town where you are, and something should come up.

I just noticed that youre at lennon studios in liverpool, try alma de cuba, its not so studenty, but is a bit more expensive than concert square. i can why some people dont like places like baa baa! as for work try gilds its a job agency, pm me for directions if you want.

Reply 16

hyper-little-mushroom-men

I'd just say that you can't afford it, and also that you want to learn to cook, to be honest. You could offer to cook for her one night... then she still doesn't have to cook! :p:

But yes, if you want to go out, I'd go out. Ask if she wants to come - and if not, then just go. (But be considerate if you're coming in at 3 AM! :wink:

)

Reply 17

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

Ariel4

I just noticed that youre at lennon studios in liverpool, try alma de cuba, its not so studenty, but is a bit more expensive than concert square. i can why some people dont like places like baa baa! as for work try gilds its a job agency, pm me for directions if you want.

Where's Alma de Cuba, and would people not like Baa Bar(sp?) because it's all loud&busy?

hyper-little-mushroom-men

But yes, if you want to go out, I'd go out. Ask if she wants to come - and if not, then just go. (But be considerate if you're coming in at 3 AM! )

No, I'll be laughing and shrieking and wake everybody up XD :p:

Reply 18

Ariel4

selbydate16

Where's Alma de Cuba, and would people not like Baa Bar(sp?) because it's all loud&busy?

Ok, its kind of hard to give directions, so ill do my best! go down bold street, and go towards the cinema, walk through the sqaure that the cinema is in, and to the end of the street, turn left, and its a white building. im afraid these are fairly crap directions, so sorry, its hard to explain! :smile:

id get a taxi, theyll know where to go!
i dont mind baa bar, they have cheap drinks, but if your friend doesnt like typical student bars, she will probably not like it. and the music isnt great tbh! its a good place to start the night in.
another place you could go, that ive just thought of, is the Bar and Grill at the bottom of bold street. its a bit cheaper than alma de cuba, but a bit more civilized than concert square!

Reply 19

DontBuyTheSun

If you want a more relaxed place to go and have a drink id recommend either..
Alma de cuba..
Baby cream
Or baby blue.
The last two are on the docks, and are very laid back but play good music.