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Failing everything, lost all motivation, what do I do to get it back? Is this normal?

Hello everyone, I am sorry to the moderators, Ive put this in the right place now.

I am at my wits end here, and feel like I can't go on. I am a Law student at Oxbridge and I just can't cope. I have an essay due tomorrow, 2000 words and I haven't even started as I've felt so low that any reading I have done for it has just went above me. I hand NO ONE to talk to here, as I am from a state school and the majority of the people at my college are from independent schools and want nothing to do with an ugly little pleb like me. Worse of all, I have very limited family and have lost contact with all my friends from school. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know I have depression but am afraid to get it diagnosed by the doctor in case it effects my future employment prospect. I am also worried what will happen when I fail this essay. I can only possibly think of 800 of the 2000 words to write, and even those are rambling on. Honestly, since i've come here the isolation has caused me to fee so low that I'e lost all of the intelligence and motivation which got me here, I bet a GCSE student would get a higher mark in this essay than me. Am I going to be kicked out when I fail? I have contacted the Nightline for anonymous support, but all they can do is listen and not advise, so they can't really help me much. I'm too scared to see my tutor, as I know she'll kick me out.

Literally feeling so low that when I saw the lecturer who said 'I bet it's all gone beyond whoosh for you' in front of the whole class publicly exposing me as an idiot I was about to jump in front of a bus in his view, but he looked away and wouldn't have cared anyway. What is the point anymore? I've worked so hard from a state school to get here, yet I feel so stupid now and have NO friends whatsoever. I wish that God would spare another victim of Ebola and take me instead, as I am a worthless idoit with no future, friends or anyone who cares. I'm going to FAIL this essay, and get kicked out and my life will be worthless.

Is there anything I can do to get friends and motivation back? I don't drink alcohol, so I never go on nights out and am always in my room, reading stuff which goes way over my head. Is this unheard of for other 1st years making the transition from a sixth form where they were really liked and valued to a university where you're just an ant in relation to the big picture?

Reply 1

jadys10

Reading this makes me wanna cry.i feel for you. I'm kinda in a similar situation. I changed schools from a grammar school where it was really friendly and I could talk to anyone to being a loner at another school. Kinda have depression too. I went to see a GP and they gave me this self help link:
www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp

I've had a horrible year and loads of things has happened which has led me to drop out of school now and homeschooling/self studying on my own. I'm looking forward to uni to restart my life. I've fallen so low but I holding on strong as I know there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Only you yourself can help yourself. What would be best is for you to see the situation in a different light. Like in completing this essay, it's not just to deal with it and your supervisor/professor doesn't kick you out, it's so you can improve yourself, this is a small stepping stone for you to go into getting a 2:1. No one can take that away from you, they can't take away your intellect. They provoke you with their horrible words but it's up to you to hold back and keep calm, to control yourself, you get angry is because you got affected. I like to see them as little invisible people and I can't hear what they say, they can shout all the insults they want and I won't be affected. My brain has also somehow been able to tone out all of that now cuz I'm so used to it, I hear any horrible comment I just zone out. Put all the energy into studying, beat the other people in terms of grades and try to regain your professor's respect.

Since oxbridge is so big, there's a huge diversity of people, so try going to one of the libraries and meet other people to make friends. It's easier if you start with a question, or if you see someone there every day, invite them to lunch and then let the conversation flow. Call up you parents and ask for more advice. It's not worth throwing your life away. You're a smart, talented person that was worthy enough to get into oxbridge, I admire your strength and hard work to get in from a state school, so you must show them you're not weak. I was previously a bursary student at a horrible private school so I know how you feel, those people think they're all high and mighty, and think of state students as punt ants that are poor and worthless. Stay strong, you can always pm me if you need help.