The Student Room Group

I Give up on friends

Almost into my 4th month at university and I have made 0 friends. I have people to live with next year, but we aren't friends. They all go out and don't even tell me. For example, yesterday they all went out to celebrate the end of exams (I could hear their voices outside from my room). They're not my flatmates, but we live in the same area. I've decided to stop trying. It seems I was destined to be, as reddit calls it, "forever alone". As soon as the housing situation is sorted and stuff is signed, I'm going go stop being nice, however against my nature it is. I will do no favours for anyone, or politely laugh at terrible jokes. I don't care anymore, I hate my university experience, and I have given up on it ever getting better. Ive tried to talk to these people, but our conversations in real life, via text, and on Facebook are all hugely one-sided. I guess if no one else is trying I shouldn't either.
Original post by MTMD
Almost into my 4th month at university and I have made 0 friends. I have people to live with next year, but we aren't friends. They all go out and don't even tell me. For example, yesterday they all went out to celebrate the end of exams (I could hear their voices outside from my room). They're not my flatmates, but we live in the same area. I've decided to stop trying. It seems I was destined to be, as reddit calls it, "forever alone". As soon as the housing situation is sorted and stuff is signed, I'm going go stop being nice, however against my nature it is. I will do no favours for anyone, or politely laugh at terrible jokes. I don't care anymore, I hate my university experience, and I have given up on it ever getting better. Ive tried to talk to these people, but our conversations in real life, via text, and on Facebook are all hugely one-sided. I guess if no one else is trying I shouldn't either.


Just because you haven't quite clicked with this group doesn't mean you should give up on making friends. Are there any other people you chat to regularly, either on your course or in halls? Could you join a sport or society to meet some new people?

It's so early to give up and decide you'll never have friends. I was meeting new people even in third year.
Reply 2
Original post by SlowlorisIncognito
Just because you haven't quite clicked with this group doesn't mean you should give up on making friends. Are there any other people you chat to regularly, either on your course or in halls? Could you join a sport or society to meet some new people?

It's so early to give up and decide you'll never have friends. I was meeting new people even in third year.


I'm guessing you actually had friends in your third year though. Did anyone with no friends meet new people in their third year? I would bet that over the country, less than 1% do. Not a single person has introduced themselves to me. Why should I keep trying? There's clearly something fundamentally wrong with me that makes people stay away.
Cant do sports, not sporty at all and this is a very sporty university.
Societies all have activities where you progress as time goes on so I'm behind there.
Dont get on with people in my halls, that's why I went looking for new people in the first place and found my housemates for next year.
In this state of mind right now


Original post by MTMD
I'm guessing you actually had friends in your third year though. Did anyone with no friends meet new people in their third year? I would bet that over the country, less than 1% do. Not a single person has introduced themselves to me. Why should I keep trying? There's clearly something fundamentally wrong with me that makes people stay away.
Cant do sports, not sporty at all and this is a very sporty university.
Societies all have activities where you progress as time goes on so I'm behind there.
Dont get on with people in my halls, that's why I went looking for new people in the first place and found my housemates for next year.
In this state of mind right now


I'm really sorry you feel this way, but I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. You sound very upset, and I totally understand why, but I do think you have to find a way to pick yourself up and keep trying- there are people out there who you will click with, you just have to find them.

Societies always welcome new members, and lots of people do join new societies around this time, but if that doesn't appeal then fair enough.

Have you thought about telling the one person you get on with best that you're feeling excluded, and you'd love to join in with their social activities more?

Also, actually one of the people I met in third year joined the uni from a foundation year at a partner college. She knew other people at the uni, but no-one on our course, but by the end of the year she'd made friends, so it is possible at any time.

I know it's really easy for me to suggest all these things when I'm not the person in your position, but unis are all so big, there will be like-minded people there, you just have to find them.
Original post by SlowlorisIncognito
Just because you haven't quite clicked with this group doesn't mean you should give up on making friends. Are there any other people you chat to regularly, either on your course or in halls? Could you join a sport or society to meet some new people?

It's so early to give up and decide you'll never have friends. I was meeting new people even in third year.

In a similar situation, its a long story cba to write it out again, basically can i make friends in the second term or is it too late. I barely went to uni in the first term because of lack of motivation, i met people but i wouldn't call them friends, i only talk to them if i see them so they're more like acquaintances. is it possible to progress the relationships onto friendships or is too late and how do i do it?
I'm going to attend every lecture this term which should help i think.
Original post by Lionheart96
In a similar situation, its a long story cba to write it out again, basically can i make friends in the second term or is it too late. I barely went to uni in the first term because of lack of motivation, i met people but i wouldn't call them friends, i only talk to them if i see them so they're more like acquaintances. is it possible to progress the relationships onto friendships or is too late and how do i do it?
I'm going to attend every lecture this term which should help i think.


You can definitely progress form acquaintances to friends in this situation. I do think going to uni will help, as the more you see people, the more likely you are to develop a friendship. As you get to know people better, you can try asking them to go for a coffee or something after lectures some time, or if they want to have lunch with you or study together. You will probably have to make the first move, but once you've done this a few times, if you get on well, I'm sure they'll start inviting you to places too :smile:

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