Love is amazing and yet sucks - LDR woes

Ok well basically, I guess I am finding this Lond distance relationship hard. For the first 2 and half months I guess I found it so much easier than I thought it would be, but recently I have been finding it much much harder.

I love being with my girlfriend we click so well, we can talk for hours and days about anything and everything and there is nothing that annoys me about her. With my previous girlfriends they had some sort of habit that was slighlty annoying, like being to clingy, being down all the time (or cheating on me)... and yeah it does just seem like things are perfect.

Well I guess they are not perfect and thats why i am writing this. Everything is amazing when I am with her, i forget about my worries and nothing else seems to matter. The problem is recently I have been getting a lot of shi...trouble at home with my parents. (She is at uni I am on a gap year by the way) This kinda came to a head this week when I had planned to go up to see my girlfriend but my parents said I cant (My dad is in a choir and I am being forced to watch) but said I could go up on sunday instead.. but then they changed their minds :frown:

so now I got my hopes up and they got totally and utterly smashed. Also had some other problems recently to do with job, finances and my actual gap year plan (Treking round the world) and I just feel like all I want is to be with her right now because I am a bit down.

That is where the problem lies, she is a long way away and I am stuck here. For some reason I cant seem to ring her, and none of my texts get through (she can recieve other people's texts but not mine. I can send people texts but not her) so it just seems like the thing I want most I just cant have... I dont know I just want reassurance or what I want, I have no idea.

I was looking for advise, because I think the thing that scares me most of all is the risk of losing her as she is the most important thing in my life. So the question is how hard do LDR's get? I have read this forum for a while and do know that they can work and its all about the effort you put in. But does any one have any advise about how to survive it.

Reply 1

socialist cook

Seeks

Well I guess they are not perfect and thats why i am writing this. Everything is amazing when I am with her, i forget about my worries and nothing else seems to matter. The problem is recently I have been getting a lot of shi...trouble at home with my parents. (She is at uni I am on a gap year by the way) This kinda came to a head this week when I had planned to go up to see my girlfriend but my parents said I cant (My dad is in a choir and I am being forced to watch) but said I could go up on sunday instead.. but then they changed their minds :frown:

You sound as if you're down about your gap year primarily and then because your girlfriend is some distance away that you're thinking about that because you're regretting about what you could have done this year. What you need to do is keep yourself busy and then you won't have any time to think about missing her like mad. Leave the parents mucking you around in the past, but if tell them in advance when you are going to visit her and if they kick up any fuss use the fact that you couldn't go up on that Sunday then.

seeks

That is where the problem lies, she is a long way away and I am stuck here. For some reason I cant seem to ring her, and none of my texts get through (she can recieve other people's texts but not mine. I can send people texts but not her) so it just seems like the thing I want most I just cant have... I dont know I just want reassurance or what I want, I have no idea.

You've obviously got internet and if she's got internet just email her! I'm currently in Spain 1000 miles away from my boyfriend(been going out for 2 years now) and we make sure we email each other every day-or every two days as we can't really text or call(due to expense though!). Another good thing is to start writing letters to each other, but if you keep yourself busy you will not start to worry that you may not get a reply(as she's busy too) as quickly as you might have first hoped.

The secret to maintaining long distance relationships is communication. This communication can be as simple as telling her what you've done at the weekend, how your friends are getting on... yes that doesn't mean you can't communicate soppily too but variety adds to the spice of life.

seeks

I was looking for advise, because I think the thing that scares me most of all is the risk of losing her as she is the most important thing in my life. So the question is how hard do LDR's get? I have read this forum for a while and do know that they can work and its all about the effort you put in. But does any one have any advise about how to survive it.

Just read my tips and don't over worry too much... that'll make you miss her more.

Hope that helps :smile:

Reply 2

foxiroxi

Agree with what has been said above, communication, you two can talk to eachother so do, can she ring you? How about if you call from a different phone?

I'm in a long distance relationship and it works well. and the past 12 weeks haven't been too bad. We talk daily at least :smile:

The only problem is he works full time during the day and sometimes doesn't get home till 9/10 at night :frown:

I'm around most of the day but go out most nights :frown:

But we still manage to talk daily, send eachother texts. Now and again we send e-mails to eachother! I love reciving his rambleing e-mails that mean nothing at all but it shows he took time to write something to me and thats all I care about :smile:

Try and visit your Girlfriend as soon as possible. I've had times I couldn't see my boyfriend due to me or him having commitments but we soon changed it :smile:

If it's ment to be between you two it will work :smile:

Reply 3

username47781

Long distance relationships are never easy but they can work, as the two people said above you have to communicate with each other in order for it to work.

Reply 4

Seeks

Yeah we talk every day on MSN or via Skype (Thank god for skype) and also phone for as long as my contract allows :-P. Just when she goes out and im staying in, i dont text her because I want her to have a good time...

But hey ill live and it will sort itself out. Thanks for the advise :smile:

[EDIT]Socalist cook: Gave you some rep for that. Thanks and hope everything goes ok with you guys

Reply 5

socialist cook

DaintyDuck!

Well, in this case I think, like others have said that it is actually, other problems which are making you think of the distance. As, when we are down about something, we tend to want to confide in people that we love, and trust. So I think, you maybe need to talk to your parents, and tell them that you really wanted to see her this weekend. But, personally, the problem there is that, when you are down, you will get into the habit of going to see your girlfriend and it will subsequently make it even HARDER when you leave each other.

Perhaps when Seeks feels down he could go out and see a friend, I often feel when I'm feeling down that going out with a friend for a coffee(or a beer later on in the evening!) that listening to them takes my mind off missing my boyfriend! That could break the habit of going to see his girlfriend when he's down.

DaintyDuck!

What you might need is forward planning. So, everytime you might feel a little disorientated and might need to see your girlfriend, you will know that sooner or later you will be seeing her on xyz date. That gives you hope, and excitement!

I get to see my man in three weeks. :biggrin:

DaintyDuck!

Other than that, LDR's are hard. But at least when you see each other it is special. As long as you communicate somehow, then it shall be fine!Get planning your round the world trip, and stop thinking about the little hurdles you have to cross. It always works out in the end! :smile:

Trust me it is special when you haven't seen someone in four months!! But I didn't think that my relationship should end because of the fact I had an Erasmus year abroad, and neither did my boyfriend. In fact he saw it in more positive terms, that I was going to do something that I loved and that he could boast that he was jetting off from work to Spain to visit his girlfriend. :cool:

Thank you Seeks for the rep, and I hope that soon you'll start to feel a lot better about the distance issue. For me, it's only a pressing issue if you start to make it one by over worrying or by not getting in contact.