Bereavement Help and Support

I'm currently going through grief at the moment, and one thing I have to add is that it comes and goes in waves, and the waves can be all different sizes, right up to a huge tsunami... And although it's normal to feel guilty when those waves are smaller, the rational part of my brain knows that you should look after yourself and distract yourself (if that's what helps)...

One thing that I am finding difficult is how to deal with talking to people who were closer to the person, when you are still grieving yourself - 'sorry for your loss' and the other usual things people say sound weird when it's your loss as well...

I work at an old peoples home part time -age 17. I have been in situations which some would argue I am way too young to be exposed to such as seeing dead bodies, and spending some of a residents last moments with them. I told my mum this and she's really upset and feels I've matured too quickly and shouldn't have to be dealing with these sort of experiences at such a young age. What are other people's opinions on this ? I would say I am physcologically ok and seeing those that I have supported at the end of their life laid to rest hasn't really had any negative or long term effect. ??

I lost my grandad in March. He was suddenly (over a few months), sick and died in front of me. I feel anger, exhaustion, and anxiety. There's no real logic to the process I'm going through. Daily it changes. I want to talk about everything that happened and make sense of it all, but 7 months on and I feel that people don't want to hear how I'm not coping any more.

It's tough.

I'm really sorry to hear that Who would you want to/feel most comfortable talking to? Chances are they probably want to help you and talk it through but are too worried about saying something wrong and upsetting you. If you don't want to talk to someone you know, then there is nothing wrong at all with using a counselling service, even just for one session or if that is too much, talking to me or other users on TSR How are your family doing? Do they talk about your grandad much? I hope things improve with time

I've already been to counselling throughout the summer. I think I want to talk to my friends but they've heard it all enough

How did you find counselling? I'm sure they won't mind at all - think of the reverse situation, if you really cared about someone, would you mind supporting them? 7 months isn't long at all, and no one expects you to suddenly be able to come to terms with it, never mind 'get over' it. Maybe think about who you feel most comfortable you feel talking to out of your friends and see if they would be okay with having a chat when you feel that you need to

Counselling was good. We focused on the grieving for a little while and moved onto other issues. Grief seems to strike randomly.

i have a sick feeling in my stomach that my brother's gonna off himself. Some days he's fine, others he runs away and calls us (he's abroad) screaming that he's gonna end it. I'm trying to focus on my studies... but I just can't

And this isn't extentuating circumstances so if i fail i'm out

All i can do is hope...

I feel completely odd, my grandma died about 2 months ago (im 17) and like i was upset but after a couple days i just moved on
I did the same thing with my grandad a few years ago but i was completely fine the very same day
Is that normal...i feel like all of my mates get properly upset for weeks/months on end and i can tell that theyre confused when ive completely recovered straight away

That sounds like a lot for you to be dealing with right now. Have you spoken much to him? Has he been seeking help for this? Do you think he would consider or find Samaritans or Nightline helpful? Their details can be found here: http://www.samaritans.org/ and here: http://nightline.ac.uk/nightlines. They both offer a range of different listening services. You mention that your brother is abroad, so he could email them and they will usually respond within a few hours, or Nightline even offer a 1:1 instant messaging listening service

You've said you if you fail you're out - what level of study are you at currently? There's often really helpful people you can talk to at school/University, so I can't imagine there is no support at all available for you - it's definitely something to look into

Yeah I've spoken to him, he'd calm down for like a few hours and then he just gets worse than before. He hasn't been seeking help because he thinks there's nothing wrong with him. He's only 15 btw. I'll try and tell him about them but he'll probably think I'm patronising him and it will just cause another argument.

I'm in year 13, resitting modules from AS as well as doing A2 and trying hopelessly hard to get 3 As in order to qualify for applying to medicine... I don't wanna speak to teachers or those helplines for fear of them interrogating me and phoning parents and god knows what they would do. I'm really on my own... trying to use my textbook as a form of escapism so i can be more productive but instead I'm stuck on the internet tryna get my mind off everything which is a really bad habit to be developing now...

oh well... thanks for the help

It sounds like you're doing the best you can do. Even if he thinks it is patronising, him having those helplines could make a big difference. Teachers and helplines are bound to confidentiality rules, and wouldn't speak to your parents unless you're an urgent danger to yourself, which it doesn't sound like you are, plus, if you're in year 13 I'm assuming you're 16+ too. If you're distracted a lot then it's probably a lot more productive to talk to teachers etc. about this, so you feel more supported and do better in the long run! Good luck with your A levels and application to Medicine

How do I tell someone that someone close to me (like a parent) is deceased? I'm sick of lying about my parents when introducing myself to new people but I don't want to kill the mood.