University vs. Girlfriend

I have been with my boyfriend about the same amount of time and we almost had the same issue. In the end we decided that we would rather make the right choices for us and just see if things work out instead of basing our choices on the relationship. I agree with the others, where you want to go is more important as if anything goes wrong you may regret staying at that uni and not having gone to the one you want
Hope this helps

Reply 61

YeSand

5

Original post by Anonymous

For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.

Never make your decision based on a relationship. I also highly suggest that you don't take relationships at young age very seriously. Keeping your head set on the goal is very attractive. Sacrificing your future based on a relationship makes you weak needy and clingy (almost a turn-off for most girls). I'm not saying you should be a brute heartless person but I'm saying put yourself first in these kind of things. Don't make your future self regret it. The chances are, even if you break up (i'm not saying you are), you'll meet a better girl.

Reply 62

raspberr1es

12

Go to your preferred uni. At our age, relationships are usually not destined to last. Also, freshers dude. Go out have fun, sod being tied down in some relationship.

Reply 63

Rorschach II

20

Original post by spanker

In the words of Walder Frey.

"I'll find another!"

Are you suggesting she must be killed to take her out of the equation!?!? :gasp:

Reply 64

spanker

19

Original post by XcitingStuart

Are you suggesting she must be killed to take her out of the equation!?!? :gasp:

Makes things easier.

Reply 65

Stychomythia

13

Original post by Anonymous

For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.

You say you cannot bring yourself to tell her you have chosen university Y. You suggest that she has applied implicit pressure.

You have also asked the question 'which should I do' rather than knowing or believing that you should stay with her, come what may.

None of these factors indicate the basis for a long-term relationship. If she had no doubts about your faithfulness, she wouldn't be concerned. If you didn't neither would you.

Finally it would be a mistake, would it not, to create a source of tension between you: 'If it hadn't been for you; I might have gone to University Y and had a better career, etc.'

in asking the question you have supplied the answer: you should firm with University Y if you possibly can.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 66

xBMF

Original post by Anonymous

For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

Been through exactly this, and I recommend not going to the same university as your partner. Yes it's great to have someone there with you, but it also means you don't get out as much, don't meet as many people, don't experience uni as much.

Do yourself a favour and go to the better uni, alone.

Reply 67

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Hann95

I think you should have firmed Uni Y. University is such a huge decision that you shouldn't let anyone but yourself influence. I'm coming to the end of my third year and have been in a long distance relationship the entire time and it has worked absolutely fine (no direct train, journey takes approx 5 hours, although now I drive it). If it's meant to be and she's the right person for you, distance won't matter. It's not forever afterall. It's also a fairly new relationship, and I think the fact that you're having second thoughts shows your regret. I think you need to talk to her about this and tell her how you feel. If she's not selfish then she'll realise how much Uni Y means to you and will tell you to go there

do you mind if i message you and just ask you a few things about how you managed the long-distance thing? :smile:

Reply 68

Hann95

11

Original post by Anonymous

do you mind if i message you and just ask you a few things about how you managed the long-distance thing? :smile:

Not at all, by all means message me :smile:

Reply 69

dogs4eva7

20

Original post by Anonymous

x

You have to be selfish about things like this. People are unpredictable and you can't control them, but you can control the way your future unfolds by making the right decisions. Never ever base such important decisions on feelings.

Choose the university you want, and if your girlfriend cannot understand that, she's too clingy/selfish anyway. If you're still together at the end of your degree, she could potentially be a keeper.

Reply 70

dogs4eva7

20

Original post by Foo.mp3

Head > heart

/thread

Reply 71

Davide_online

2

Original post by Anonymous

For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.

There are no guarantees in life, so whatever you decide here there is a risk of having regrets at a later stage. In other words, don't expect to find a perfect solution to your dilemma.

Most adults would say that you are too young to put a relationship first, but then there are also those (I am one of them) who would not put too much store by the so-called prestige etc of a particular university choice. You have to decide based on what makes you happy and how you want to live your life.

Imagine that you stay with the relationship, go to the same university and then the relationship ends there. Based on what you know about the university/course etc, could you see yourself making a success of your studies and getting a good degree? If so, I think that's more important than going to a more prestigious institution, but that's me.

Good luck.

Reply 72

Mutmit287

22

Original post by Anonymous

For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.

I really feel you here OP, this is a very tough decision and I see why it caused you so much confusion, I can relate.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and were currently both 19 and over 250 miles away at different universities. I chose to study medicine and got an offer from my current university and it was really a no brainer for me to go here, he is very very far away yes... but if its love (real love) you will both find a way to make it work, if not, then it wasnt meant to be.

ask yourself these questions:
- Do I see myself marrying this girl?
- Do I see myself enjoying life more at uni Y than Z?
- Is it a major difference studying at uni Y than Z?
You doubting your decision may just be a sign of confusion, not everyone knows what they want straight away and it doesnt mean that you have made a bad decision. just mull things over a little bit.
Many will say at your age you shouldnt take a relationship seriously, but thats not up to them and its up to you, I never regretted taking my relationship seriously and im glad I did now. Also remember that prestige is not everything, I am aware people your age seem to think it is but its honestly not.

God I have been through all of this, and Its hard not seeing each other for weeks at a time, but there is skype and also being at other unis allows you to meet friends and get work done without distraction. Like I said before, I believe in destiny and if your relationship is really that strong you will make it work.

Feel free to PM me if you need anymore advice about anything.