What to do about mother who blows everything out of proportion
I’m 19 and have a very stubborn, very argumentative mother who I feel enjoys making a big deal out of everything and also blaming me for everything. I thought this was the type of issue I’d stop complaining about after I turned 15 but I guess now that I’m mostly at uni, coming back home to this every other week drives me mental.
This afternoon, my mom told me to order pizza and have it get here ASAP. Delivery options ranged from as soon as possible and then after that, specific times. She literally lost her sh**, yelling at me for not selecting a specific time, I couldn’t even derive any proper reasoning because she was being so nonsensical.
I don’t see her as much nowadays and I’m tired of arguing. So I apologised.
Bit later on, she asked me to find her a blue suitcase from the basement. I told her we didn’t have a blue suitcase. She went downstairs and showed me a green suitcase. I told her; it’s green, not blue (fair enough she doesn’t speak good English and often confuses her colours). She went MENTAL, saying that I was disrespecting her etc.
I apologised. She told me I was being rude. For apologising. But I still said sorry
Just now, my mom asked me if I was going to shower. I told her I would after my dad (who is back from work in about 30 mins) took a shower first. She then went in the most sarcastic, snappy tone “is 30 minutes not enough for you?” I told her that I need to take my time and she literally stomped down the stairs muttering about how I am “so difficult.” There was literally... no issue? I just said that I’d take a shower after my used the bathroom, that was it.
This is just one day. I’m here for the next TWO WEEKS.
Do I just let this happen? Or say something?
This afternoon, my mom told me to order pizza and have it get here ASAP. Delivery options ranged from as soon as possible and then after that, specific times. She literally lost her sh**, yelling at me for not selecting a specific time, I couldn’t even derive any proper reasoning because she was being so nonsensical.
I don’t see her as much nowadays and I’m tired of arguing. So I apologised.
Bit later on, she asked me to find her a blue suitcase from the basement. I told her we didn’t have a blue suitcase. She went downstairs and showed me a green suitcase. I told her; it’s green, not blue (fair enough she doesn’t speak good English and often confuses her colours). She went MENTAL, saying that I was disrespecting her etc.
I apologised. She told me I was being rude. For apologising. But I still said sorry
Just now, my mom asked me if I was going to shower. I told her I would after my dad (who is back from work in about 30 mins) took a shower first. She then went in the most sarcastic, snappy tone “is 30 minutes not enough for you?” I told her that I need to take my time and she literally stomped down the stairs muttering about how I am “so difficult.” There was literally... no issue? I just said that I’d take a shower after my used the bathroom, that was it.
This is just one day. I’m here for the next TWO WEEKS.
Do I just let this happen? Or say something?
Your mum is dissatisfied with her own life and she’s taking it out on you. Do you think she’s unhappy/frustrated? Take deep breaths and try not to react because it really has nothing to do with you. I know that’s little consolation.
This literally happened to me today.
I'm 20 but i live with my mum and i work a full time job.
This morning started out well, i woke up to my mum coming in while I'm half asleep to tell me stuff that was exciting her. I humoured her and tried to be engaging while I'm still dozy, and then she said she's thinking of getting my favourite dinner tonight.
And i was excited for that because it has been more than a month since i last had it, but as she talked it was clear she wanted me to come with her and to have me buy for it myself.
Which, ok i can put up with that i guess. Despite literally making a decision the day prior to not spend money on things on non essentials until my next pay.
But she's driving to the place where they sell my favourite meal and wanted me to come so i did.
My day plans flown out the window.
Got to town, i had my headphones with me to listen to music and such. Whether they're playing music or not they're a source of comfort for me. And i often, if not always have them wrapped around my neck whenever i go somewhere.
My mum immediately told me to leave them in the car and i said no, that i didn't want to.
Mind you I'm 20, i should be fully in my right to do what i like.
And the next thing i know she's blowing up at me.
And suddenly i was told that we were going straight back home.
Which, fine, saves me money.
But then she changes her decision and says i now have to get home myself and take the bus and that she's going to do her own shopping before heading home by herself leaving me behind miles from home.
Which, f you, so i walked off because i wasn't going to stand there and take that kind of behaviour.
I fortunate was able to come to some form of truce and go back home with her but we haven't spoken since and it has been 7 hours now.
Mind you, weeks before this i discussed with my mum about my adhd behaviour and symptoms (as while not diagnosed i tick all of the boxes), borderline autistic by my own mother.
I talked with her about special interests and hyperfixations as whenever i get invested into something new she calls it a addiction while i call it a obsession.
And i told her how it gives me comfort and joy when i indulge in it.
Music is one of my special interests, I've loved music for as long as i can remember. And every now and again it becomes my hyperfixation be it through new game ost or music artist i discovered.
I told my mum when she asked me why i won't leave my headphones behind, i told her i felt uncomfortable to do it and stressed and that it gives me a sense of comfort.
Instead of understanding I got treated like a child while being threatened with extreme punishments over something that she doesn't have power or control over anymore.
I'm currently at the point where I'm waiting for a apology of sorts because how she reacted was so uncalled for.
While also trying to look up to see if this is some sort of emotional abuse or something because i feel like she's trying to make the whole thing my fault when she's the one to overreact in the first place.
She always have to be right in her mind.
Just the other day she finally realised that the university she thought my friend was going to (despite my repeated saying of the many months it being a different uni in a different place) was wrong. But instead of admitting to it, she said that it's what i told her it was.
Here's the thing though, the uni and location she kept saying my friend was at were places I've never heard of except from her mouth. I didn't even knew what or where they were.
Knowing I'm not the only one who deals with this is comforting, but is it right for us to be treated like this?
Because my own mum said that i was emotionally abusing her a few years ago for being 'passive agressive'. When ir was actually just my response to her over reactions by being numb and trying not to let her hurtful words affect me.
I love my mum, i really do.
But i can tell that her behaviour is brushing off of me and i do not want this cycle to continue. There's been many occasions where i find myself scared of myself when i find myself sounding or acting just like my mum, and not in a good way.
Anyone have a explanation??
I'm 20 but i live with my mum and i work a full time job.
This morning started out well, i woke up to my mum coming in while I'm half asleep to tell me stuff that was exciting her. I humoured her and tried to be engaging while I'm still dozy, and then she said she's thinking of getting my favourite dinner tonight.
And i was excited for that because it has been more than a month since i last had it, but as she talked it was clear she wanted me to come with her and to have me buy for it myself.
Which, ok i can put up with that i guess. Despite literally making a decision the day prior to not spend money on things on non essentials until my next pay.
But she's driving to the place where they sell my favourite meal and wanted me to come so i did.
My day plans flown out the window.
Got to town, i had my headphones with me to listen to music and such. Whether they're playing music or not they're a source of comfort for me. And i often, if not always have them wrapped around my neck whenever i go somewhere.
My mum immediately told me to leave them in the car and i said no, that i didn't want to.
Mind you I'm 20, i should be fully in my right to do what i like.
And the next thing i know she's blowing up at me.
And suddenly i was told that we were going straight back home.
Which, fine, saves me money.
But then she changes her decision and says i now have to get home myself and take the bus and that she's going to do her own shopping before heading home by herself leaving me behind miles from home.
Which, f you, so i walked off because i wasn't going to stand there and take that kind of behaviour.
I fortunate was able to come to some form of truce and go back home with her but we haven't spoken since and it has been 7 hours now.
Mind you, weeks before this i discussed with my mum about my adhd behaviour and symptoms (as while not diagnosed i tick all of the boxes), borderline autistic by my own mother.
I talked with her about special interests and hyperfixations as whenever i get invested into something new she calls it a addiction while i call it a obsession.
And i told her how it gives me comfort and joy when i indulge in it.
Music is one of my special interests, I've loved music for as long as i can remember. And every now and again it becomes my hyperfixation be it through new game ost or music artist i discovered.
I told my mum when she asked me why i won't leave my headphones behind, i told her i felt uncomfortable to do it and stressed and that it gives me a sense of comfort.
Instead of understanding I got treated like a child while being threatened with extreme punishments over something that she doesn't have power or control over anymore.
I'm currently at the point where I'm waiting for a apology of sorts because how she reacted was so uncalled for.
While also trying to look up to see if this is some sort of emotional abuse or something because i feel like she's trying to make the whole thing my fault when she's the one to overreact in the first place.
She always have to be right in her mind.
Just the other day she finally realised that the university she thought my friend was going to (despite my repeated saying of the many months it being a different uni in a different place) was wrong. But instead of admitting to it, she said that it's what i told her it was.
Here's the thing though, the uni and location she kept saying my friend was at were places I've never heard of except from her mouth. I didn't even knew what or where they were.
Knowing I'm not the only one who deals with this is comforting, but is it right for us to be treated like this?
Because my own mum said that i was emotionally abusing her a few years ago for being 'passive agressive'. When ir was actually just my response to her over reactions by being numb and trying not to let her hurtful words affect me.
I love my mum, i really do.
But i can tell that her behaviour is brushing off of me and i do not want this cycle to continue. There's been many occasions where i find myself scared of myself when i find myself sounding or acting just like my mum, and not in a good way.
Anyone have a explanation??
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