Ugly anus after piles, ruined my confidence...

I've been struggling with IBS for a while now and as a result, I believe I've also suffered from piles. For literally as long as I can remember, I've had excess skin that literally hangs out of my anus and after passing any kind of bowel movement, it often becomes painful, inflamed and almost swollen. I've done research in the past and seen that piles often goes on its own and its only really a case for the doctors if its bleeding or causing infection, which I've not really experienced. However, it can be very uncomfortable and painful at times and it makes a very big difference when it comes to my sex life.
My previous boyfriend noticed it and I didn't even realize it was abnormal as I'd had it for as long as I could remember, that is when I decided to research the excess skin and discovered piles etc. He was never bothered by it and never mentioned it again, so at that time it wasn't too much of an issue. However, I'm now with a different partner who I've actually been sexually involved with for 2 years now and he has never seen my anus because I'm so self-conscious of it - in fact, he doesn't even know about this problem and he literally knows everything about me. I know it sounds really silly, but its something that makes me genuinely feel wrong and even disgusting. I also remember a time that I attempted anal with my ex boyfriend and I actually passed out which I'm assuming was from the sudden pain that the issue caused me.
There was another time that I was having sex with my current boyfriend in a dimly lit room and I remember he noticed it and kind of acted quite surprised and I'm not joking here - he asked me if I 'pooped' myself. I think that was the moment when I realized how obvious and large the problem was, and I just kind of laughed it off but from then on I refuse to have sex with him in certain positions or even in light.
It seems like such a small problem but I've become so insecure about it and its beginning to make such a big problem for me. There are so many positions and fun things I want to try with my boyfriend but I can't because I'm so afraid of what he would think and how it would make me feel, even though I know he wouldn't actually care if he knew. He genuinely thinks I just don't like the idea of him seeing my anus at times and that's why I ALWAYS turn the lights of f etc. but the truth is, I feel extremely self conscious due to the way my anus looks. I really want to spice up our sex life by having nights away together and trying new things, but this issue has just destroyed my confidence. Has anyone else struggled with this or know what I can do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I completely forgot to add, I've never even been to the doctors regarding this issue because I've struggled with it for so long and I'm also so embarassed :frown:

Reply 2

Mika - anne

I understand being insecure about your anus. I also have excess skin around my anus, that's hindered my confidence. I'm not sure if I have piles as it doesn't hurt, although it does bleed every now and then.
I'd recommend going to the doctor's even if it is a tad embarrassing. That's what I'd do but living with my parents, I'd be mortified if they found out So when I'm not under my parents roof I'm going to see a doctor. The fact that your current and previous bfs have been accepting has actually helped my confidence, because I didn't have sex with my ex because of this concern. This has always been a worry of mine when I think about being intimate with anyone.

Reply 3

Mush2023

I to am insecure about my hole. Not sure to excess skin but because I've had an anal fissure for years and sometimes it gets nasty. I dare not even take a picture of it because I'm afraid it will look all infected or something or discoloured. Obviously I like to experience that area but I won't let a guy rim me incase he's like ughh what the hell happened here and yet I don't even know what it looks like. I'm just worried incase it looks busted up and slack 🤣. I've never had complaints. I just want a pretty hole, well as far as pretty gets for a butt hole. If I take a picture and it looks a state, honestly I'll be mortified and I'll probably cry. Do I risk it and either be surprised it looks well or depressed it looks like something out of a horror film.