Adult learner starting Uni
So, I'm Mike, I just turned 33 and I've decided to embark on a new challenge of Uni for the first time. I am posting here because I'm quite anxious (sat at 2:15am typing this out because I'm not sleeping great) about what is going to happen this year, apprehensive ; Unsure about the makeup of the class I'll be entering E.g Whether there will be other adults (which I highly doubt).
I'm due to start my course on Tuesday and since my previous level 3 course was filled with peers half my age, I presume (probably naively) it'll be much the same again and I'm really not sure how to interact with them without feeling like a parental figure, I struggled a lot with this during the Extended Dip since it was only a class of 7 and I generally ended up being isolated and kept to myself as a result. Obviously more in common with the tutors than the peers didn't help things.
So I'm looking for advice from any of you who're a little older, how did you manage to integrate or is it something that I'll have to grin and bear for the foreseeable?
just to put a few answers out there pre-emptively;
Living at home (I have my own place so no need to move into halls)
I drive so I won't be commuting with anyone to have casual chit-chat.
Interested to hear from people.
Thanks. M
I'm due to start my course on Tuesday and since my previous level 3 course was filled with peers half my age, I presume (probably naively) it'll be much the same again and I'm really not sure how to interact with them without feeling like a parental figure, I struggled a lot with this during the Extended Dip since it was only a class of 7 and I generally ended up being isolated and kept to myself as a result. Obviously more in common with the tutors than the peers didn't help things.
So I'm looking for advice from any of you who're a little older, how did you manage to integrate or is it something that I'll have to grin and bear for the foreseeable?
just to put a few answers out there pre-emptively;
Living at home (I have my own place so no need to move into halls)
I drive so I won't be commuting with anyone to have casual chit-chat.
Interested to hear from people.
Thanks. M
hi there. that sounds really exciting! I understand the preemptive anxiety you’re feeling, it must be an anxious time right now.
i haven’t actually gone to uni yet, im thinking about perhaps doing a degree in the future, but I have considered some of the challenges you’ve mentioned.
I think firstly, congrats and well done for putting yourself up for this!
There are loads of ‘mature students’ out there, but you’re right in that your class will likely be mostly 19/20 year olds.
Have you considered reaching out on your Unis Facebook page, or local pages to see if any mature students would be interested in meeting up outside of classes? Others are probably feeling isolated too, so that would be my go-to idea.
In terms of your other classmates, I think the age difference does make it trickier to connect with them, especially when you’re sort of outnumbered amongst them. That being said, if I was a 20 year old in a class with a mature student, I’d just be friendly and polite and hope they would be too. I think being open to conversation, but not forcing it, is the best way to go. It’s a new experience for everyone!
A trick I think works in these situations as well is to ask a question to someone around you (something concrete like, ‘oh what was the assignment title again’). IMO it makes others more comfortable around you because you’re making yourself more vulnerable, makes interacting with them in the future easier!
Lots of love, and take it easy the first few weeks, let yourself be scared!
i haven’t actually gone to uni yet, im thinking about perhaps doing a degree in the future, but I have considered some of the challenges you’ve mentioned.
I think firstly, congrats and well done for putting yourself up for this!
There are loads of ‘mature students’ out there, but you’re right in that your class will likely be mostly 19/20 year olds.
Have you considered reaching out on your Unis Facebook page, or local pages to see if any mature students would be interested in meeting up outside of classes? Others are probably feeling isolated too, so that would be my go-to idea.
In terms of your other classmates, I think the age difference does make it trickier to connect with them, especially when you’re sort of outnumbered amongst them. That being said, if I was a 20 year old in a class with a mature student, I’d just be friendly and polite and hope they would be too. I think being open to conversation, but not forcing it, is the best way to go. It’s a new experience for everyone!
A trick I think works in these situations as well is to ask a question to someone around you (something concrete like, ‘oh what was the assignment title again’). IMO it makes others more comfortable around you because you’re making yourself more vulnerable, makes interacting with them in the future easier!
Lots of love, and take it easy the first few weeks, let yourself be scared!
In my experience of uni there were a handful of mature students on the course and they were friendly and fitted in with those who were younger, no one really cared about the age difference. Some courses will likely have more mature students than others.
I think it's good to get involved in plenty of societies. Having that common interest can help facilitate more 'fun' conversation and making friends with anyone regardless of age. There will be other mature students to meet through societies too if you wish to have some support and advice from such a group as well.
Basically if you are friendly and respectful of them you will fit in.
I think it's good to get involved in plenty of societies. Having that common interest can help facilitate more 'fun' conversation and making friends with anyone regardless of age. There will be other mature students to meet through societies too if you wish to have some support and advice from such a group as well.
Basically if you are friendly and respectful of them you will fit in.
(edited 2 years ago)
I get you, I was in my 30s when retrained and did find that my college C&G Diploma course was more youthful and at times immature. But it was def different when I moved to Uni, far broader range of ages (I was far from oldest) and tbh the few younger clowns tended to drop off over the 1st term.
Personally, one bonus I found to being in my 30s for this stuff was that I'm quite happy to remain somewhat aloof. I'm already content in my social circle and simply don't have the same angst to fit in as teen me did. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you might have more in common with the staff either, it can come in v handy tbh. All in all I was far clearer about why I was at uni, there was no 'finding myself' stuff to worry about.
I was the same btw, stayed in my own out-of-city place and commuted, so missed a lot of casual interactions but *shrug* meh? I've had enough stale commuting chitchat to last a few lifetimes.
Personally, one bonus I found to being in my 30s for this stuff was that I'm quite happy to remain somewhat aloof. I'm already content in my social circle and simply don't have the same angst to fit in as teen me did. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you might have more in common with the staff either, it can come in v handy tbh. All in all I was far clearer about why I was at uni, there was no 'finding myself' stuff to worry about.
I was the same btw, stayed in my own out-of-city place and commuted, so missed a lot of casual interactions but *shrug* meh? I've had enough stale commuting chitchat to last a few lifetimes.
Original post by StriderHort
I get you, I was in my 30s when retrained and did find that my college C&G Diploma course was more youthful and at times immature. But it was def different when I moved to Uni, far broader range of ages (I was far from oldest) and tbh the few younger clowns tended to drop off over the 1st term.
Personally, one bonus I found to being in my 30s for this stuff was that I'm quite happy to remain somewhat aloof. I'm already content in my social circle and simply don't have the same angst to fit in as teen me did. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you might have more in common with the staff either, it can come in v handy tbh. All in all I was far clearer about why I was at uni, there was no 'finding myself' stuff to worry about.
I was the same btw, stayed in my own out-of-city place and commuted, so missed a lot of casual interactions but *shrug* meh? I've had enough stale commuting chitchat to last a few lifetimes.
Personally, one bonus I found to being in my 30s for this stuff was that I'm quite happy to remain somewhat aloof. I'm already content in my social circle and simply don't have the same angst to fit in as teen me did. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting you might have more in common with the staff either, it can come in v handy tbh. All in all I was far clearer about why I was at uni, there was no 'finding myself' stuff to worry about.
I was the same btw, stayed in my own out-of-city place and commuted, so missed a lot of casual interactions but *shrug* meh? I've had enough stale commuting chitchat to last a few lifetimes.
See I did that in my first year of college and honestly because it's a creative course I'm doing, I found it really difficult to create that rapport with them.
As a result group critique sessions were brutal and in the end, I had to stop participating because there was this one young lad who would always get upset if I said anything about his work even if it was a valid point, (The tutors would say the exact same things to him and he'd accept it with no issue) So I don't know if it was an issue of delivery or something else but it made me feel very uncomfortable, I was actually thankful to finish the 2nd year in lockdown with the remote learning as it eliminated those interactions.
I'm probably not looking to socialise much outside of classes, my personal friends are much older have families and full-time jobs and my primary reason for the career switch is due to a car crash a few years ago which I'm not able to fully recover from so I'm trying to expand my options longterm and increase my employability, As a result, I know what my goals are and I'm laser-focused on getting them, for me It's more whether I can manage this gulf between me and my peers to extract the most from the environment without it becoming toxic and make the most of this opportunity I've created for myself.
Original post by 19EightyEight
I'm probably not looking to socialise much outside of classes, my personal friends are much older have families and full-time jobs and my primary reason for the career switch is due to a car crash a few years ago which I'm not able to fully recover from so I'm trying to expand my options longterm and increase my employability, As a result, I know what my goals are and I'm laser-focused on getting them, for me It's more whether I can manage this gulf between me and my peers to extract the most from the environment without it becoming toxic and make the most of this opportunity I've created for myself.
I think there needs to be a balance with this. It's fine to feel comfortable in your own social circle, and I think the points StriderHort makes about not having that terrible angst about 'not finding a social group and maybe not fitting in' is reduced to the point of irrelevancy when you're a mature student with your own life and plenty of experiences behind you. But equally, aloofness can be offputting to people, and can quickly turn into haughtiness. I'm not saying you will do that, but there's something to be said for mucking in and getting involved as much as you can - and not making yourself 'different'. I know mature students can sometimes find striking this balance difficult, and it does depend on your personality and goals to some extent. If you're happy being aloof and 'the old person', then that's fine: but it does come with some disadvantages when you come to group or peer work, as you have discussed:
As a result group critique sessions were brutal and in the end, I had to stop participating because there was this one young lad who would always get upset if I said anything about his work even if it was a valid point, (The tutors would say the exact same things to him and he'd accept it with no issue) So I don't know if it was an issue of delivery or something else but it made me feel very uncomfortable, I was actually thankful to finish the 2nd year in lockdown with the remote learning as it eliminated those interactions.
My take on this is that you were the older, wiser, and more mature student and therefore had a degree of 'authority' about you - particularly if you were near the age of some of your lecturers. It doesn't take much for a standard-age student, particularly if they're unconfident or have a bit of a chip on their shoulder, to misinterpret this as somehow being 'talked down to', or 'why's he acting like academic staff; he's just a student like the rest of us'. I"m not saying you've done anything wrong here, but I'm trying to offer a possible explanation of why this particular student acted in the way he did to your (well-meaning) intention to help him.
Original post by Reality Check
My take on this is that you were the older, wiser, and more mature student and therefore had a degree of 'authority' about you - particularly if you were near the age of some of your lecturers. It doesn't take much for a standard-age student, particularly if they're unconfident or have a bit of a chip on their shoulder, to misinterpret this as somehow being 'talked down to', or 'why's he acting like academic staff; he's just a student like the rest of us'. I"m not saying you've done anything wrong here, but I'm trying to offer a possible explanation of why this particular student acted in the way he did to your (well-meaning) intention to help him.
I think there's probably some validity in that, Yeah I was 5 - 6 years older than the youngest graduate tutor we had and 5 years younger than our other two so it made for a weird dynamic in some of the classes which I am keen to avoid this time around.
Original post by 19EightyEight
I think there's probably some validity in that, Yeah I was 5 - 6 years older than the youngest graduate tutor we had and 5 years younger than our other two so it made for a weird dynamic in some of the classes which I am keen to avoid this time around.
It can be tricky. I've had plenty of mature students in lectures that I've given from 25-mature to 55-mature. 95% of the time, I don't really perceive any noticeable issues, and the standard-age students just treat them like part of the cohort. Mature students can also be really valuable in small cohorts as they're usually less paralysed by fear of speaking and contributing when it comes to group work and teaching like seminars . Mature students can also act as a bit of a 'wise old sage' and a 'sounding board' for standard-age students, and this can work very well.
If I were to offer any advice, I think it might be just be yourself, be open and communicative and treat the standard-age students the same as you would your own friends. I'd avoid repeatedly referring to your age, or that your friends have got children the same age as the person you're speaking to, or anything referring to 'in my day' type stuff. (I'm not for a minute suggesting that you, personally, would do this sort of thing: it's more for reference) This can be alienating and, frankly, irritating to people and it immediately marks you out as 'different'. I'm sure you'll be fine
(edited 2 years ago)
Last year I finished my physics degree at the age of 41. All my uni colleagues were 18. I was attending uni only on Fridays with a special arrangement because I was working full time compressed hours during the rest of the week. I was not feeling 'part of the gang' and of course they felt genuine respect for me as an elder. But we occasionally managed to laugh together, share pain points with our courses, we had a whatsapp chat and we were discussing various uni-related mostly things (even exchanging memes here and there). It never bothered me as they were not the people I would socialise with either (they were lovely, but too young). It is fine not to be necessarily part of their social circle. You will still have a great time enjoying the course and especially the result when you will be graduating.
Original post by 19EightyEight
So, I'm Mike, I just turned 33 and I've decided to embark on a new challenge of Uni for the first time. I am posting here because I'm quite anxious (sat at 2:15am typing this out because I'm not sleeping great) about what is going to happen this year, apprehensive ; Unsure about the makeup of the class I'll be entering E.g Whether there will be other adults (which I highly doubt).
I'm due to start my course on Tuesday and since my previous level 3 course was filled with peers half my age, I presume (probably naively) it'll be much the same again and I'm really not sure how to interact with them without feeling like a parental figure, I struggled a lot with this during the Extended Dip since it was only a class of 7 and I generally ended up being isolated and kept to myself as a result. Obviously more in common with the tutors than the peers didn't help things.
So I'm looking for advice from any of you who're a little older, how did you manage to integrate or is it something that I'll have to grin and bear for the foreseeable?
just to put a few answers out there pre-emptively;
Living at home (I have my own place so no need to move into halls)
I drive so I won't be commuting with anyone to have casual chit-chat.
Interested to hear from people.
Thanks. M
I'm due to start my course on Tuesday and since my previous level 3 course was filled with peers half my age, I presume (probably naively) it'll be much the same again and I'm really not sure how to interact with them without feeling like a parental figure, I struggled a lot with this during the Extended Dip since it was only a class of 7 and I generally ended up being isolated and kept to myself as a result. Obviously more in common with the tutors than the peers didn't help things.
So I'm looking for advice from any of you who're a little older, how did you manage to integrate or is it something that I'll have to grin and bear for the foreseeable?
just to put a few answers out there pre-emptively;
Living at home (I have my own place so no need to move into halls)
I drive so I won't be commuting with anyone to have casual chit-chat.
Interested to hear from people.
Thanks. M
Hi Mike.
I completely understand how you feel but you will probably find that at university there will be more of a variety of ages than at college. I'm 31 and just about to go into my third year of uni and I have loved every minute. The students ages vary from early 20s to 60, and we all get along well in class. Although I don't really socialise with the younger ones outside of class, there are no difficulties in class and when we are doing group projects together I never really feel like the old one, if I ever do say something that comes across as more parental as you say, I just make a joke out of it. Don't let the fact that you are going to uni a little bit older worry you, its an exciting time and I have found there is so much support for students if you ask for it. Good luck and congratulations on starting your next exciting adventure.
-Victoria
Wrexham Uni Rep
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