someone help me decide my future

I really, really need advice here.
I’m currently in my first year of a BSc Adult Nursing degree and when I applied to this degree, I also applied to medical school. I failed the BMAT and only got a B & C in A level Chem & Bio (but an A* in A level Psych), so I didn’t get into medical school.
A college close to me does an access course to medicine which also guarantees me an interview at my desired medical school. I don’t know whether to drop out of my nursing degree and do this.
I have a lot of issues here though with either option.
Firstly, I resent not doing medical school. I keep saying I’ll be a PA or an NP after my nursing degree…basically because I want to be a doctor and I’m trying to justify being as close to a doctor as I can, lying to myself saying I’ll be happy as a PA or NP - I won’t, I’ll envy the doctors. However, I do think I could get the grades in chem & bio (a lot of circumstances meant I didn’t first time round, namely because of me being a private candidate and working ENTIRELY from home because my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer - I was predicted two A’s but it just didn’t figure out) but my god the BMAT was something else. I just couldn’t do it, it was IMPOSSIBLE. it terrifies me!!! I just don’t think I could pass it.
Also, I absolutely love my degree. I haven’t been happy in years and since starting my degree I’ve felt genuine happiness. I am in the best place I’ve ever been, I honestly feel complete after years of struggling with my mental health. However it’s because of the people and the uni experience, NOT the subject. I hate the subject, it is taught awfully and just doesn’t feel right - I feel so so lost when it comes to my position as a student nurse…but my new friends complete me. My uni feels like home. I haven’t had friends like this in my whole life, I haven’t felt belonging like this in forever. I’ve done one placement so far on my degree and it felt wrong, I felt lost. Although, it was in a GP surgery and I know I do not want to work there, I’ve always wanted to work in a hospital.

I don’t know what to do. And if I drop out and don’t get into medical school, I'm left having wasted thousands in an access course and a year of my nursing degree and I’d probably go back to nursing and then…I’m back at square one and should’ve just stayed.

I really, really need advice here.
I’m currently in my first year of a BSc Adult Nursing degree and when I applied to this degree, I also applied to medical school. I failed the BMAT and only got a B & C in A level Chem & Bio (but an A* in A level Psych), so I didn’t get into medical school.
A college close to me does an access course to medicine which also guarantees me an interview at my desired medical school. I don’t know whether to drop out of my nursing degree and do this.
I have a lot of issues here though with either option.
Firstly, I resent not doing medical school. I keep saying I’ll be a PA or an NP after my nursing degree…basically because I want to be a doctor and I’m trying to justify being as close to a doctor as I can, lying to myself saying I’ll be happy as a PA or NP - I won’t, I’ll envy the doctors. However, I do think I could get the grades in chem & bio (a lot of circumstances meant I didn’t first time round, namely because of me being a private candidate and working ENTIRELY from home because my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer - I was predicted two A’s but it just didn’t figure out) but my god the BMAT was something else. I just couldn’t do it, it was IMPOSSIBLE. it terrifies me!!! I just don’t think I could pass it.
Also, I absolutely love my degree. I haven’t been happy in years and since starting my degree I’ve felt genuine happiness. I am in the best place I’ve ever been, I honestly feel complete after years of struggling with my mental health. However it’s because of the people and the uni experience, NOT the subject. I hate the subject, it is taught awfully and just doesn’t feel right - I feel so so lost when it comes to my position as a student nurse…but my new friends complete me. My uni feels like home. I haven’t had friends like this in my whole life, I haven’t felt belonging like this in forever. I’ve done one placement so far on my degree and it felt wrong, I felt lost. Although, it was in a GP surgery and I know I do not want to work there, I’ve always wanted to work in a hospital.

I don’t know what to do. And if I drop out and don’t get into medical school, I'm left having wasted thousands in an access course and a year of my nursing degree and I’d probably go back to nursing and then…I’m back at square one and should’ve just stayed.