need help with sister (she was a heavy drinker) and she's ignoring it and me
It's really hard for me to be open about my experience with alcohol and drugs. Basically, I have experimented with both but not anything I consider serious and I have spent time in a Rehabilitation Unit but I don't think (from what I can gather) it was because of my 'experimentation'.
Here's my story (as a word of warning for anyone who may be naïve to drugs like I was). I hope it makes sense and helps you understand my situation however I am kind of apprehensive because a lot of responses are a bit immature on here - oh well, here goes.
I started at a leading Catholic high school with really good results. I was into Cricket and stuff. Then one day a boy asked me if I wanted to go smoke some cannabis and I said "yes" because I felt I had to, I couldn't say no because of my autism, sometimes words just pop out. Anyway, we went to his brothers flat or something in a run down area of town and smoked cannabis. I don't think I was trying to impress anyone, this was because I had said yes because of my autism. After this I took up guitar and in school it was clear some people had used drugs (I was about 14). As fate would have it the people in school who were good at guitar lived near me and smoked weed on the weekend so this was pretty much a social thing until year 11.
It was done out of fun as something to do in the evening and I was too young to see that it might impact my future. We also hung about in town and I had what amounted to about 60 pills over 5 years and mushrooms once and cocaine about 10 times. I felt and feel I lack or lacked mental capacity in making the potential decision to take drugs and hang around with that group.
When university came it was a bit of a mad rush but I was happyish and I stopped hanging with that crowd. I went clubbing because I had an impression (probably due to ill mental health that I am still recovering from) that something was happening and I had to be in my home town to meet her. This was just me being an idiot I think. In the first term of university I went out 10 times in my parents town and 5 times in London drinking modestly/heavily each time. That ended then.
I left university for some reason or other... and some would call it dropping out but there was no way I (or anyone human) could have continued with such ill health (I was offered a bed in a hospital which I declined because I was scared). Since then I did a foundation year and got drunk 7 times in week one and not really again (freshers can be a bit mad).
My dilemma started here: I drank hardly any (4 cans of beer once, 3 pints at once and a couple of pints every year) for 3 years and since then I quit drinking because its really mad. I haven't had a drink in 3 years because of this: everyone keeps saying 'alcoholic' 'it is what it is - 'alcoholic' and 'well you do drink a lot don't you will'. Including (and this is the most bizarre thing my sister has mentioned it 3 times but forgotten about it - typical defence ahah.
I did drink about 2 small beers a week (5% small bottle) 15-18 but not every week and with dinner under my father's supervision. I have found it really intimidating - it was at the residential rehab they said these things and I think my sisters situations is just mindblowing.
She drank heavily from 14-19 and continues to but she's hiding it from me and my mum. She is a qualified teacher for little kids and I wonder what on earth I can do to make her more aware of the impact she might have had on me and my mum and my father before he passed away.
I am sober all the time because I just can't fathom why these things have been said. I hope me being me has made sense I just think people are trying to wind me up...
Here's my story (as a word of warning for anyone who may be naïve to drugs like I was). I hope it makes sense and helps you understand my situation however I am kind of apprehensive because a lot of responses are a bit immature on here - oh well, here goes.
I started at a leading Catholic high school with really good results. I was into Cricket and stuff. Then one day a boy asked me if I wanted to go smoke some cannabis and I said "yes" because I felt I had to, I couldn't say no because of my autism, sometimes words just pop out. Anyway, we went to his brothers flat or something in a run down area of town and smoked cannabis. I don't think I was trying to impress anyone, this was because I had said yes because of my autism. After this I took up guitar and in school it was clear some people had used drugs (I was about 14). As fate would have it the people in school who were good at guitar lived near me and smoked weed on the weekend so this was pretty much a social thing until year 11.
It was done out of fun as something to do in the evening and I was too young to see that it might impact my future. We also hung about in town and I had what amounted to about 60 pills over 5 years and mushrooms once and cocaine about 10 times. I felt and feel I lack or lacked mental capacity in making the potential decision to take drugs and hang around with that group.
When university came it was a bit of a mad rush but I was happyish and I stopped hanging with that crowd. I went clubbing because I had an impression (probably due to ill mental health that I am still recovering from) that something was happening and I had to be in my home town to meet her. This was just me being an idiot I think. In the first term of university I went out 10 times in my parents town and 5 times in London drinking modestly/heavily each time. That ended then.
I left university for some reason or other... and some would call it dropping out but there was no way I (or anyone human) could have continued with such ill health (I was offered a bed in a hospital which I declined because I was scared). Since then I did a foundation year and got drunk 7 times in week one and not really again (freshers can be a bit mad).
My dilemma started here: I drank hardly any (4 cans of beer once, 3 pints at once and a couple of pints every year) for 3 years and since then I quit drinking because its really mad. I haven't had a drink in 3 years because of this: everyone keeps saying 'alcoholic' 'it is what it is - 'alcoholic' and 'well you do drink a lot don't you will'. Including (and this is the most bizarre thing my sister has mentioned it 3 times but forgotten about it - typical defence ahah.
I did drink about 2 small beers a week (5% small bottle) 15-18 but not every week and with dinner under my father's supervision. I have found it really intimidating - it was at the residential rehab they said these things and I think my sisters situations is just mindblowing.
She drank heavily from 14-19 and continues to but she's hiding it from me and my mum. She is a qualified teacher for little kids and I wonder what on earth I can do to make her more aware of the impact she might have had on me and my mum and my father before he passed away.
I am sober all the time because I just can't fathom why these things have been said. I hope me being me has made sense I just think people are trying to wind me up...
I am sorry to hear all this. It seems like you have lived a very difficult life. As someone who is also autistic, I understand how you would have felt comfortable with drink and drugs in a social setting. For people who struggle with social situations, doing whatever everyone else is doing helps you fit in and be in control of your surroundings. People with autism are more likely to develop some kind of substance addiction at one point in their life.
Mental health issues such as alcoholism also get passed along in a family. If you think your sister is an alcoholic, and it seems you were close to being one too, it isn't far-fetched to determine that someone in your family would be or would have been an alcoholic. Could be a parent or a grandparent, but someone familiar enough to you in the family that it has influenced you and the rest of your family's lives.
Your sister may be deflecting her insecurities and issues with alcohol onto you. Unfortunately, people who do drink a lot don't end up being very rational people, I fear it's unlikely your sister will feel any remorse or reflect on you and the family's situation. Very worrying that she is in this condition and is regularly working with children.
It would of course be best for you to navigate this with a therapist rather than through advice on TSR. It clearly would be a good idea for your sister through rehabilitation. Although it seems like she would be open to the idea, it does not always help in the long term.
I hope you and your family find a way around this situation!
Mental health issues such as alcoholism also get passed along in a family. If you think your sister is an alcoholic, and it seems you were close to being one too, it isn't far-fetched to determine that someone in your family would be or would have been an alcoholic. Could be a parent or a grandparent, but someone familiar enough to you in the family that it has influenced you and the rest of your family's lives.
Your sister may be deflecting her insecurities and issues with alcohol onto you. Unfortunately, people who do drink a lot don't end up being very rational people, I fear it's unlikely your sister will feel any remorse or reflect on you and the family's situation. Very worrying that she is in this condition and is regularly working with children.
It would of course be best for you to navigate this with a therapist rather than through advice on TSR. It clearly would be a good idea for your sister through rehabilitation. Although it seems like she would be open to the idea, it does not always help in the long term.
I hope you and your family find a way around this situation!
Original post by Anonymous
I am sorry to hear all this. It seems like you have lived a very difficult life. As someone who is also autistic, I understand how you would have felt comfortable with drink and drugs in a social setting. For people who struggle with social situations, doing whatever everyone else is doing helps you fit in and be in control of your surroundings. People with autism are more likely to develop some kind of substance addiction at one point in their life.
Mental health issues such as alcoholism also get passed along in a family. If you think your sister is an alcoholic, and it seems you were close to being one too, it isn't far-fetched to determine that someone in your family would be or would have been an alcoholic. Could be a parent or a grandparent, but someone familiar enough to you in the family that it has influenced you and the rest of your family's lives.
Your sister may be deflecting her insecurities and issues with alcohol onto you. Unfortunately, people who do drink a lot don't end up being very rational people, I fear it's unlikely your sister will feel any remorse or reflect on you and the family's situation. Very worrying that she is in this condition and is regularly working with children.
It would of course be best for you to navigate this with a therapist rather than through advice on TSR. It clearly would be a good idea for your sister through rehabilitation. Although it seems like she would be open to the idea, it does not always help in the long term.
I hope you and your family find a way around this situation!
Mental health issues such as alcoholism also get passed along in a family. If you think your sister is an alcoholic, and it seems you were close to being one too, it isn't far-fetched to determine that someone in your family would be or would have been an alcoholic. Could be a parent or a grandparent, but someone familiar enough to you in the family that it has influenced you and the rest of your family's lives.
Your sister may be deflecting her insecurities and issues with alcohol onto you. Unfortunately, people who do drink a lot don't end up being very rational people, I fear it's unlikely your sister will feel any remorse or reflect on you and the family's situation. Very worrying that she is in this condition and is regularly working with children.
It would of course be best for you to navigate this with a therapist rather than through advice on TSR. It clearly would be a good idea for your sister through rehabilitation. Although it seems like she would be open to the idea, it does not always help in the long term.
I hope you and your family find a way around this situation!
thankyou for the reply so much! i guess some people on my mothers side drank heavily. and it is worrying she works with children; i'm glad someone shares the same view as me.
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