My boyfriend hasn’t invited me to his family meal for his birthday?

Like is it a normal thing it’s my first relationship so I’m currently not too sure like Is it normal? I just feel like abit upset about it. Also Cause he talking about Sunday what his friends are planning for him , Saturday he says his family are going out for a meal with him which I even booked his birthday and next day off and he’s not even bothered to try invite me to it. He has said a while back his parents know about us but whenever I’m on the phone and I can hear his mom he has never said like example if I could say hi to her or something. I understand it’s his birthday and he can choose what he wants to do with it. But I don’t know something just feels really off. When he heard I was abit upset on the phone he then said he’ll try leave mid day on his birthday to travel back home to spend it with his family and next day with his friends. I want to hear it how it is guys please?

Yes, this is normal. It doesn't sound like he's ready to take that next step in integrating you into his family life yet and you should try to respect that.

Even if you were closer with his family, these things shouldn't be expectations. It's nice to be invited of course but that's up to them.

Reply 2

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

Like is it a normal thing it’s my first relationship so I’m currently not too sure like Is it normal? I just feel like abit upset about it. Also Cause he talking about Sunday what his friends are planning for him , Saturday he says his family are going out for a meal with him which I even booked his birthday and next day off and he’s not even bothered to try invite me to it. He has said a while back his parents know about us but whenever I’m on the phone and I can hear his mom he has never said like example if I could say hi to her or something. I understand it’s his birthday and he can choose what he wants to do with it. But I don’t know something just feels really off. When he heard I was abit upset on the phone he then said he’ll try leave mid day on his birthday to travel back home to spend it with his family and next day with his friends. I want to hear it how it is guys please?

Depends... you ever thought it might be an issue on his side, and not with you?

When I was growing up, romance, boy/ girlfriends etc. was never really discussed in our family (it was all about the grades lol).

Still when we were all grown up, I remember my sister introduced her (then) boyfriend to our family, and my mum really liked him, and thought he would make a great son-in-law one day (and father when the time comes). Anyway, they split up (she dumped him ) and my mum took it really badly, and was practically begging my sister to take him back. Things went from bad to worse (I won't go into the details), but it ended up with my dad requesting that they (my parents) didn't meet any of our partners unless we're seriously considering getting married. They'd know about them, but just not meet them.

I'm not saying this is the case with him, but my point is that there's always certain things that go on in the background that you never know about. There may be some very good / valid reasons why he hasn't invited you. On the other hand, would you really want to meet his family for the first time at something like a sit-down meal? Lots of chances for either an awkward silence to develop or someone giving you a Spanish Inquisition.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Depends... you ever thought it might be an issue on his side, and not with you?

When I was growing up, romance, boy/ girlfriends etc. was never really discussed in our family (it was all about the grades lol).

Still when we were all grown up, I remember my sister introduced her (then) boyfriend to our family, and my mum really liked him, and thought he would make a great son-in-law one day (and father when the time comes). Anyway, they split up (she dumped him ) and my mum took it really badly, and was practically begging my sister to take him back. Things went from bad to worse (I won't go into the details), but it ended up with my dad requesting that they (my parents) didn't meet any of our partners unless we're seriously considering getting married. They'd know about them, but just not meet them.

I'm not saying this is the case with him, but my point is that there's always certain things that go on in the background that you never know about. There may be some very good / valid reasons why he hasn't invited you. On the other hand, would you really want to meet his family for the first time at something like a sit-down meal? Lots of chances for either an awkward silence to develop or someone giving you a Spanish Inquisition.

ahhh I get it now, thank you for using ur family example, it’s true it might be an awkward sit down meal with no talking. But like you said ur family would know about them but won’t meet them but I feel like his family doesn’t know about me or he must have said we are just friends. Because she never seems to ask about me? And when I told him about it just a couple minutes ago he was bringing excuses like I never thought about introducing her to u on the phone or in person, then he said he hasn’t got a close relationship with his mom which is a complete lie then he also said how it’s difficult since their different schedules and it’s far for me to travel. And even after I have mentioned to him all he said was sorry just that. And a funny thing is that one time when he was at work a girl passed her number to the security to give to him and he told his mom about it, this was when we was talking and I heard his mom on a 2 way call as I had gone on mute while he spoke to his mom she mentioned about the number saying did u try see about the girl that passed her number to you. Then instantly he cut the call of with me. This was a month before we got into a relationship which shows he knows how to talk to his mom about girls and also shows his mom even though he knew we was getting serious back then he didn’t feel the need to mention me to her because if he had she wouldn’t have asked that question.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 1582

Yes, this is normal. It doesn't sound like he's ready to take that next step in integrating you into his family life yet and you should try to respect that.

Even if you were closer with his family, these things shouldn't be expectations. It's nice to be invited of course but that's up to them.

But what I’m confused about is that his sister was going to invite her boyfriend to his birthday meal but he doesn’t want to integrate me with his family yet. I just feel which I have told him that he doesn’t see a future or want to take me serious enough which is why he’s acting like this. Because even if he didn’t want to integrate me with his family, why is it whenever I’m on the phone to him his mom will walk in he’ll go silent on me and after a couple minutes end it but apparantly his mom knows about me and our relationship but the reason she doesn’t ask about me is because he doesn’t want to tell her his business ?

Reply 5

Old Skool Freak

20

Not gonna lie... reading your last two posts, IMHO it does sound like there's something he's possibly concealing.

Question is, how do you feel about the whole situation? How old are you both? How long have you been dating him? Do YOU see a future / LTR with him? How important is total honesty to you? Have you ever talked about plans on doing things together (e.g. a weekend away somewhere)? Family apart, how much of his other personal affairs does he disclose / discuss with you?

Reply 6

H8Courtship217

10

i assume your BF was the one who asked you out, started the interaction with you

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Not gonna lie... reading your last two posts, IMHO it does sound like there's something he's possibly concealing.

Question is, how do you feel about the whole situation? How old are you both? How long have you been dating him? Do YOU see a future / LTR with him? How important is total honesty to you? Have you ever talked about plans on doing things together (e.g. a weekend away somewhere)? Family apart, how much of his other personal affairs does he disclose / discuss with you?

We broke up, I assume he didn’t take me as serious , or wanted me in his future. As I told him to fix his life stop his current lifestyle of being lazy but he decided it’s best to break up. He has always been like this and I’m just done

Reply 8

artful_lounger

Universities Forum Helper

21

Original post by Anonymous

We broke up, I assume he didn’t take me as serious , or wanted me in his future. As I told him to fix his life stop his current lifestyle of being lazy but he decided it’s best to break up. He has always been like this and I’m just done