Relationship issues

Hey everyone. I am just a bit confused and so Im posting here, hopefully someone could help me out. So I met this guy last year and we have been on and off dating for about a year. we were going very well with our relationship and stuff and two months ago he broke things off . We are still good friends and even now he gives me hugs everyday, kisses my forehead, plays with my hair and does everything we used to when we were together. When we are apart though he leaves me on delivered for hours even when he's active. Ik he's active because I'm also good friends with his best friend and we have common friend circle and he answers everyone else. I understand that he doesnt have to talk to me and I completely respect his choice of needing space but it annoys me that when hes active he doesnt leave a message that he needs space or doesnt want to talk to me. The mixed signals confuse me, what should i do?

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

16

Get a new boyfriend.

In parallel with you getting a new boyfriend you should be working on yourself. As a continuous thing. Earning more money, getting more skills and experience, becoming a better person, going on more adventures.

This guy isn't that important. You will have deeper and longer relationships with other guys in your life.
Your relationship with you is more important than your relationship with anyone else.

You can't control other people. You can only - at best - influence them. With this guy it's not worth your time and mental effort to figure out a way that might influence him into messaging you more. And why devote time to getting attention from an ex when you could be devoting time to getting your next?

Reply 2

vpate49

OP

2

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

Get a new boyfriend.

In parallel with you getting a new boyfriend you should be working on yourself. As a continuous thing. Earning more money, getting more skills and experience, becoming a better person, going on more adventures.

This guy isn't that important. You will have deeper and longer relationships with other guys in your life.
Your relationship with you is more important than your relationship with anyone else.

You can't control other people. You can only - at best - influence them. With this guy it's not worth your time and mental effort to figure out a way that might influence him into messaging you more. And why devote time to getting attention from an ex when you could be devoting time to getting your next?

I totally understand where you're coming from but see as a child I've been through a lot of very traumatic things and so I am deeply attached to him. Not saying my attachment to him is right but I start tearing up every time I think about losing him all together from my life. I am working on myself and he's been very supportive throughout my journey. Weird thing is when we broke up the first time he got with someone else only to confess his deep love for me (his ex) not even three weeks into the relationship. Then after they broke up we got together again, that cycle repeats three times. What's interesting is hes know to be a fu(k boi of sorts but ever since hes been with me he has willingly choose not to sleep with anyone, whether we were sexually active or not, whether we were dating or not. I also know that he deeply cares about me because I have seen him tear up when I am hurt, he also asks whether im ok or not three billion times a day, makes sure im taking my meds, eating and sleeping properly. yk get the idea?

Reply 3

Surnia

20

Do you monitor all your friends to see if they are online and complain if they aren't talking to you? Do you tell them all that you want space? If not, why not? Why single out this one guy, ex or not, because he's just a friend, same as the rest?

If you were dating on and off for a year the relationship was not going well. You are still too dependent on him. You aren't a priority in his life and he can talk to whoever he wants whenever he wants. If what he does bothered you that much, you'd talk to him about it and set boundaries, like no kissing or hair-touching. You can't expect things to be the same between you, so start being realistic and begin to move on from him being in your life to your schedule and not his.

Reply 4

The Dean123

1

Original post by vpate49

Hey everyone. I am just a bit confused and so Im posting here, hopefully someone could help me out. So I met this guy last year and we have been on and off dating for about a year. we were going very well with our relationship and stuff and two months ago he broke things off . We are still good friends and even now he gives me hugs everyday, kisses my forehead, plays with my hair and does everything we used to when we were together. When we are apart though he leaves me on delivered for hours even when he's active. Ik he's active because I'm also good friends with his best friend and we have common friend circle and he answers everyone else. I understand that he doesnt have to talk to me and I completely respect his choice of needing space but it annoys me that when hes active he doesnt leave a message that he needs space or doesnt want to talk to me. The mixed signals confuse me, what should i do?

Why the hell are you with this person

Reply 5

vpate49

OP

2

Original post by The Dean123

Why the hell are you with this person

I genuinely don't know. I only found out this morning that he has been talking to someone else, shes also taken :|
I told his best friend that ill remove him and he was with him at the time and he said he didnt care, that he saw it coming. It's so weird they are both cheating and the girl is known to be a slut and has cheated on all her previous partners

Reply 6

Miss Shelley

3

Original post by vpate49

Hey everyone. I am just a bit confused and so Im posting here, hopefully someone could help me out. So I met this guy last year and we have been on and off dating for about a year. we were going very well with our relationship and stuff and two months ago he broke things off . We are still good friends and even now he gives me hugs everyday, kisses my forehead, plays with my hair and does everything we used to when we were together. When we are apart though he leaves me on delivered for hours even when he's active. Ik he's active because I'm also good friends with his best friend and we have common friend circle and he answers everyone else. I understand that he doesnt have to talk to me and I completely respect his choice of needing space but it annoys me that when hes active he doesnt leave a message that he needs space or doesnt want to talk to me. The mixed signals confuse me, what should i do?

He's met someone else and probably had sex with her, he's a rat

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

If you found out that he's talking to someone else, this explains why he is sometimes absent and doesn't want to talk to you.
I know you have mutual friends but I'd cut him off completely. You're obviously attached and love him. It's not fair to you to still be 'flirty friends' with someone that doesn't care about you at all. He's made it clear what he'd rather do. Don't even entertain it. Honestly girl, you deserve so much better. Good luck!

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