What to do in this situation?

Ok so I am with a girl in a longish distance relationship. She is definitely into me and I like her enough but she is a little bit overweight. Not so overweight that it makes me cringe but enough that without her clothes on I think it would put me off as it it might feel a bit unpleasant to get off with her with it all wobbling around.

With her clothes on its not so bad, not the best, she would look great at an everyday weight but I am fine kissing her and we have some chemistry. Facially she is actually quite pretty not quite model like but above average I would say.

Anyhow, she is trying to lose weight but it's a very slow process, it will probably take months quite possibly longer. I don't want to push the issue too much as I don't want her to freak and abstain from food altogether as that could lead to bad issues.

However, I wish to move the relationship forward but I am concerned that she might find it difficult to ever lose weight and I think I may find it hard to be in bed with a girl who wasn't reasonably in shape.

So what to do???

Do I wait till she has hopefully lost more weight until a further meeting? Or get in for a further meeting in another couple of weeks or so and leave myself wondering if she will be up to it as I doubt her weight will have changed downwards significantly enough to see much difference where I would think, 'ok I'm happy with this, this looks a goer'.

Reply 1

Surnia

You got into a relationship with her, then decide her weight is a problem? Of course it won't have changed 'significantly' in a couple of weeks, because a healthy rate of weight loss is up to 2lbs a week. At least she is trying to do something about it; what are you doing to change your unpleasant attitude?

End it with her so she can find someone who is interested in her as a personality and isn't as shallow as you. You are only bothered about how it would be having sex with her, not things like if you would enjoy each other's company, share ambitions and support each other, which are key to a relationship.

(edited 5 months ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I'm not sure why this has been taken in offence, it's merely an everyday problem that no doubt crops up. I'm pretty sure there will be other guys out there with the same problem. I'm merely putting the problem from a guy's perspective, I doubt I am alone as a guy in feeling this with probably most guts feeling the same way. Just was hoping for some more constructive thoughts on the issue as how to resolve it.

Reply 3

Ackhnologia

Original post by Anonymous

I am wondering if you would be this mean if the role were reversed. Pretty sure you would be siding with the op if it was a woman and tell her that she is entitled to her standards.
Oh well.

Reply 4

Zarek

I don’t think she will change her weight because you hope so and its likely to be a divisive issue in a relationship. Best to either accept things as they are or with these reservations to end it sooner rather than later. From what you describe it doesn’t seem like there would be a problem for her to find someone else

Reply 5

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

First, you got involved with this girl THEN you decide there's a problem with her weight - which incidentally is an 'everyday weight' for her - and you want to get involved in changing how she is when she's already doing something about it. Anyway, if she's only 'a little bit overweight' it's not going to take months.

Second, you're coming over as just bothered about the sex with her; there's far more to a relationship than that, so what attracted you to her initially and are you now not interested in nothing but the physical? Don't you enjoy her company?

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

It's important to approach this situation with sensitivity and respect for your partner's feelings and self-esteem. Here are some suggestions to navigate this situation:

Communication is Key: Be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, but choose your words carefully. Instead of focusing on her weight, express your concerns about your own insecurities and the pressure you feel about physical intimacy. It's crucial to emphasize that you care about her and your relationship, rather than making it solely about her appearance.

Encourage and Support: Instead of waiting for her to lose weight, offer your support in her weight loss journey. Encourage healthy habits, such as joining her in physical activities, cooking nutritious meals together, or providing emotional support. Frame it as a shared goal for both of you to lead a healthier lifestyle.

Patience is Virtue: Understand that losing weight is a slow process, and it requires time, dedication, and sometimes professional guidance. Patience is crucial, and showing support during the ups and downs of the journey will strengthen your relationship.

Focus on Other Aspects of the Relationship: A relationship is built on more than just physical attraction. Focus on the emotional connection, shared interests, and the overall bond you have with your partner. This can help create a foundation that goes beyond physical appearances.

Evaluate Your Own Expectations: Reflect on your expectations and consider if they are realistic. Everyone's body is different, and a healthy and happy relationship involves acceptance and understanding. It might be helpful to explore any personal biases or societal pressures that contribute to your concerns about her weight.

Seek Professional Guidance: If the issue persists and becomes a significant source of tension, consider seeking guidance from a relationship counselor or therapist. They can provide insights and strategies to navigate such sensitive topics.

[start]Remember, it's essential to approach this issue with empathy, understanding, and a commitment to supporting your partner's well-being rather than focusing solely on physical appearance[/start]

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

Firstly, you decided to get into a relationship and then complain about her weight, if it was going to bother you than your should have considered that before you started dating. Secondly, the worst possible thing to do is tell her that you have an issue with her weight because in actuality I think the issue is with yourself and your superficial standards. If you do tell her she’s likely to feel pressured to lose weight and end up doing it for you, not for herself, those issues could be with her for life…

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I don't see why it would be a problem if she did it for me?

Anyway thank you all for your replies. Well I have been doing some research on the subject and I think I have found a solution. Basically I think she is reaching the bottom weight more or less that she is likely to obtain on her diet but is still noticeably over. What I've found though is that through liposuction a body to breast transfer of fat can be achieved and so thereby reducing fat around the body whilst increasing breast size, a win win all around I think we can say 🙂

The process permanently places fat cells into the breast for the most part so results are long lasting. It's a little bit expensive to do but I think if we shop around and look at places like Turkey it could be done on the cheap. The good news is that once done if she ends up putting on weight again later as so often can be the case it's just the breast that will do the enlarging so a lot more pleasing situation compared to the alternative of the fat being everywhere.

Anyway just wanted to update you all in case any other guys are having the same issue and need a good solution. Sorry if I upset any of you all.