Will he ever propose? I feel as though I’m not important

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, and in a relationship for 4 1/2 years. We haven’t lived together for just over three years.

When we were first dating, we discussed having mutual relationship goals of getting married and our timelines were the same. Two years ago I told them that I was ready to get engaged and start to slowly progress our relationship to the next step, and they seemed on board. One year later still no engagement and so I asked when they felt it would happen - they said soon. Birthdays, Christmas, NYE, NY, Valentine’s Day and our anniversary would pass and after a couple of month I’d ask again, but still get the same response of soon. When I asked them if they still wanted to get engaged in a non-judgemental way, they say ‘yes, soon baby’.

I’m ready to start my life with them and to make both independent/codependent steps to achieve our independent goals, alongside progression through our relationship. I’m getting tired of waiting and honestly just feel in limbo. Sometimes I can’t enjoy special occasions, as much as I seem too because I mask how I feel, because I’m waiting and nothing happens. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to keep bothering him with it, but it’s important to me.

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Separate from the above, but I found out today that he’s been looking at other girls (they look so young) TikTok videos online - these girls are extremely sexualised and take teasing photos/videos. We slept together and his log on my feed said he followed one of these girls pages when I went to the bathroom afterwards and he was waiting for me. I understand that we all have an almost uncontrollable first notice of such appealing things, but my problem is once that subconscious reaction has occurred and he makes the decision to continue looking/scrolling/following.

I can’t help but wonder if he hasn’t committed to us (and I think we would both say that we have a pretty good relationship) because he wants to keep his options open. I feel as though I am confident in myself and I work hard to keep myself in shape/look after myself through self-care (for myself of course), but I feel incomparable to the girls he looks at online. Can’t believe I’m even writing this, but specifically with my breast size.

I also feel as though I would be less bothered if we were engaged to be married because I’d know that he chooses to be with me (I would never say this to him though as I am not engaged and therefore do not know that I would not still be bothered if so).

I find it really difficult to communicate how I feel because I don’t like confrontation and I don’t want to cause any issues. I also sometimes feel as though he cares and hears me in the moment, then things slowly fade.

Please help. Any advice would be much appreciated as I am struggling with how I feel about this all.