My mum is trying to control my life
I moved out and bought my own home 2 years ago, and whilst I’ve been living on my own I’ve still always gone to family get togethers my mum likes to throw every 6 weeks or so. I hadn’t missed one until a few weeks ago when my parents invited me and my sisters around for a BBQ however I couldn’t go as it was my godsons birthday that day. My mum got annoyed at that.
Now next Saturday it is my nan’s birthday and the plan was for us all to go round and have a takeaway with her and give her presents. However I’m now having an operation next Friday which I have to be put to sleep for and been told I need to take a week to recover. I told this to my Nan and she’s fine about it, I told her I’d try and see her in the morning on her birthday as my gf can drop me off on her way to work but my Nan said she doesn’t expect me to turn up less than a day after my op. I promised my Nan I’ll see her and she said that’s good enough for her. However, my mum is annoyed because I’m not going round at night and having a takeaway with everyone and she thinks I’m being unreasonable when I said I’ll still be in pain and recovering and I don’t want to be in a loud environment when I’m feeling that way.
And now on Father’s Day my rugby team is playing in a cup game on that afternoon. I have spoken to my dad and he has no issue with me going watching it but my mum is annoyed because I’ll be leaving the family get together early.
I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been miserable for the last few weeks because of the way my mum is being. I have always attended family get togethers it’s just unfortunate that due to other things going on in my life I’ve not been able to attend. I feel like she’s trying to control me. What should I do?
Now next Saturday it is my nan’s birthday and the plan was for us all to go round and have a takeaway with her and give her presents. However I’m now having an operation next Friday which I have to be put to sleep for and been told I need to take a week to recover. I told this to my Nan and she’s fine about it, I told her I’d try and see her in the morning on her birthday as my gf can drop me off on her way to work but my Nan said she doesn’t expect me to turn up less than a day after my op. I promised my Nan I’ll see her and she said that’s good enough for her. However, my mum is annoyed because I’m not going round at night and having a takeaway with everyone and she thinks I’m being unreasonable when I said I’ll still be in pain and recovering and I don’t want to be in a loud environment when I’m feeling that way.
And now on Father’s Day my rugby team is playing in a cup game on that afternoon. I have spoken to my dad and he has no issue with me going watching it but my mum is annoyed because I’ll be leaving the family get together early.
I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been miserable for the last few weeks because of the way my mum is being. I have always attended family get togethers it’s just unfortunate that due to other things going on in my life I’ve not been able to attend. I feel like she’s trying to control me. What should I do?
It doesn’t sound like she trying to control you.
It seems she disappointed and upset that you’re missing these family events and get togethers which are important for all (memories wise) and also maybe she likes being able to her kids and everyone as much as possible, especially if you’ve all left home.
It’s a case of her maybe not hiding it well or potentially in your view overreacting. I think it’s fair for her to be annoyed, other than the operation but that might’ve just come off wrong from her. If the main people in the specific examples you’ve given about your Nan and dad, if they’re fussed they you don’t need to be and she d shouldn’t be either really outside of she likes to have everyone around when she can.
You can just ignore and leave it, knowing you’re not intentionally avoiding her or trying to miss these and she’ll just need to get over it or it could be worth sitting down, talking to her just explaining I’ve seen your annoyed m, disappointed etc and just explain you’re not doing it on purpose and also get a sense of how she’s feeling and then move on really.
But yeah, it doesn’t sound like trying to control you or even she’s done anything to crazy, maybe just some misplaced disappointment on her side
It seems she disappointed and upset that you’re missing these family events and get togethers which are important for all (memories wise) and also maybe she likes being able to her kids and everyone as much as possible, especially if you’ve all left home.
It’s a case of her maybe not hiding it well or potentially in your view overreacting. I think it’s fair for her to be annoyed, other than the operation but that might’ve just come off wrong from her. If the main people in the specific examples you’ve given about your Nan and dad, if they’re fussed they you don’t need to be and she d shouldn’t be either really outside of she likes to have everyone around when she can.
You can just ignore and leave it, knowing you’re not intentionally avoiding her or trying to miss these and she’ll just need to get over it or it could be worth sitting down, talking to her just explaining I’ve seen your annoyed m, disappointed etc and just explain you’re not doing it on purpose and also get a sense of how she’s feeling and then move on really.
But yeah, it doesn’t sound like trying to control you or even she’s done anything to crazy, maybe just some misplaced disappointment on her side
Original post by Anonymous
I moved out and bought my own home 2 years ago, and whilst I’ve been living on my own I’ve still always gone to family get togethers my mum likes to throw every 6 weeks or so. I hadn’t missed one until a few weeks ago when my parents invited me and my sisters around for a BBQ however I couldn’t go as it was my godsons birthday that day. My mum got annoyed at that.
Now next Saturday it is my nan’s birthday and the plan was for us all to go round and have a takeaway with her and give her presents. However I’m now having an operation next Friday which I have to be put to sleep for and been told I need to take a week to recover. I told this to my Nan and she’s fine about it, I told her I’d try and see her in the morning on her birthday as my gf can drop me off on her way to work but my Nan said she doesn’t expect me to turn up less than a day after my op. I promised my Nan I’ll see her and she said that’s good enough for her. However, my mum is annoyed because I’m not going round at night and having a takeaway with everyone and she thinks I’m being unreasonable when I said I’ll still be in pain and recovering and I don’t want to be in a loud environment when I’m feeling that way.
And now on Father’s Day my rugby team is playing in a cup game on that afternoon. I have spoken to my dad and he has no issue with me going watching it but my mum is annoyed because I’ll be leaving the family get together early.
I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been miserable for the last few weeks because of the way my mum is being. I have always attended family get togethers it’s just unfortunate that due to other things going on in my life I’ve not been able to attend. I feel like she’s trying to control me. What should I do?
Now next Saturday it is my nan’s birthday and the plan was for us all to go round and have a takeaway with her and give her presents. However I’m now having an operation next Friday which I have to be put to sleep for and been told I need to take a week to recover. I told this to my Nan and she’s fine about it, I told her I’d try and see her in the morning on her birthday as my gf can drop me off on her way to work but my Nan said she doesn’t expect me to turn up less than a day after my op. I promised my Nan I’ll see her and she said that’s good enough for her. However, my mum is annoyed because I’m not going round at night and having a takeaway with everyone and she thinks I’m being unreasonable when I said I’ll still be in pain and recovering and I don’t want to be in a loud environment when I’m feeling that way.
And now on Father’s Day my rugby team is playing in a cup game on that afternoon. I have spoken to my dad and he has no issue with me going watching it but my mum is annoyed because I’ll be leaving the family get together early.
I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been miserable for the last few weeks because of the way my mum is being. I have always attended family get togethers it’s just unfortunate that due to other things going on in my life I’ve not been able to attend. I feel like she’s trying to control me. What should I do?
Why don't you organise a family get-together at your home at a time that suits you? It sounds like your mum is always the one responsible for organising things and will be disappointed when you can't attend. If you organised something, it would give your mum a break and show her that family time still matters to you.
Original post by normaw
Why don't you organise a family get-together at your home at a time that suits you? It sounds like your mum is always the one responsible for organising things and will be disappointed when you can't attend. If you organised something, it would give your mum a break and show her that family time still matters to you.
I already have organised a get together myself. I am currently having my garden renovated and it is due to be finished mid-June so I have said to all my family have the first weekend in July free so that I can have a BBQ and have everyone round.
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