Idk why but yesterday I genuinely broke down into tears for hours because I miss the feeling of being loved. I used to be by this boy, but he’s not a part of my life anymore. And what’s not helping is that to pass my time, I watch Netflix series such as Bridgerton - which probably isn’t the best for someone who’s mentally unstable like me- and I just getting a feeling of emptiness. I know I’m only 17, and I’m trying SO immensely hard to focus on my alevels right now, but this is just always at the back of my mind. It’s weird because I know I don’t want to find a real lover until university, so I don’t understand why I’ve got this feeling of emptiness now.
I literally don’t want a relationship now or next year.
Why am I feeling like this?
All this time, I’ve wondered to myself: why am I doing all this hard work at school? And I feel like I made myself believe that I was solely doing it for money. But recently, I’ve come to realisation that that is partially not true. I’m also doing it for love. Because for some reason I feel like I’ll have more accessibility to love if I work harder in life, so that I can be happy in both the aspects of wealth and love.
Honestly I can’t comprehend why I feel so empty and lost. Idk if it’s also partially to do with my birthday being tomorrow and I always feel like this on my birthday idk why. My birthday makes me emotional, and I feel like I really want that boy ( that I mentioned earlier) to wish me a happy birthday because I miss him immensely