The Student Room Group

Patronising colleague?

A colleague made a comment today which is not sitting well with me at all, and I wanted to get opinions while I stew 🙄

I have been working on a project tracker which I created a few years ago and has been working very well. There have been a few changes in the account which resulted in a few issues, but I know the root causes and how to rectify them. My colleague messaged me to check if I was aware of the root causes, to which I replied I had the exact same thoughts. Her reply, and I quote, “That’s great. Well done for remembering (heart emoji)”

I find this remark, particularly “well done” quite patronising and a little demeaning, because to me it implies that I am not normally capable of remembering the details needed to solve the problem at hand. It is also bugging me because not only did I actually create the tracker, I was also the one who trained the team, including her, on how to use it! So why would I not “remember” the common root causes?

For context, we are on the same level at work so she is not above me. I also worked on the account before she even joined the company and had trained her up. She is aspiring to get an upper leadership role so it is understandable that she wants to demonstrate her leadership skills. But I am increasingly feeling that she is trying to assert dominance over me. And I feel that saying “well done for remembering” is very demeaning, a simple “great, thanks” would be more appropriate?

Am I overthinking this or overreacting? I will be honest and say that the deeper issue is that I resent her dominating me on the team, but do you think this particular comment was patronising? I have chosen not to respond to her comment in any way and just plug away as normal, but would appreciate any thoughts and advice!
Meh I am on the other end of this. It is why I don’t like speaking much at work you can’t say anything without offending someone.

Look at it from their point of view they sent a colleague praise (which is quite rare in many workplaces) and the colleague gets offended

I find that I have to word things very carefully at work, if I want to make sure something has been done ( as people have forgotten in the past) I can’t just ask ‘has it been done’ or else I get a sarcastic reply. Yet there is no motive in me asking other than making sure somethings been done. So many times I don’t bother saying anything nor asking.
Original post by hannychica
A colleague made a comment today which is not sitting well with me at all, and I wanted to get opinions while I stew 🙄

I have been working on a project tracker which I created a few years ago and has been working very well. There have been a few changes in the account which resulted in a few issues, but I know the root causes and how to rectify them. My colleague messaged me to check if I was aware of the root causes, to which I replied I had the exact same thoughts. Her reply, and I quote, “That’s great. Well done for remembering (heart emoji)”

I find this remark, particularly “well done” quite patronising and a little demeaning, because to me it implies that I am not normally capable of remembering the details needed to solve the problem at hand. It is also bugging me because not only did I actually create the tracker, I was also the one who trained the team, including her, on how to use it! So why would I not “remember” the common root causes?

For context, we are on the same level at work so she is not above me. I also worked on the account before she even joined the company and had trained her up. She is aspiring to get an upper leadership role so it is understandable that she wants to demonstrate her leadership skills. But I am increasingly feeling that she is trying to assert dominance over me. And I feel that saying “well done for remembering” is very demeaning, a simple “great, thanks” would be more appropriate?

Am I overthinking this or overreacting? I will be honest and say that the deeper issue is that I resent her dominating me on the team, but do you think this particular comment was patronising? I have chosen not to respond to her comment in any way and just plug away as normal, but would appreciate any thoughts and advice!


Overthinking and overreacting I suspect, based on the above. Frankly there are a limited number of positive comments you can dash off to a colleague at work, a thumbs up emoji - is it too flippant? to childish? not enough effort to be meaningful? An email with 10 lines describing their thoughts on your value to the team for inventing and maintain this invaluable workplace tool over several years - is it overkill? pedantic posturing because they also cc'd in the boss? evidence they are slacking because you don't have the time to write such flowery emails?

It's just a person who is different to you, saying thanks in the way they said thanks in that moment.

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