Would you tell your employee that they’ve upset you?

The girl I work closely with ( she’s not my manager or anyone higher up) is just so passive aggressive to me. The final straw was yesterday I worked from home and told her that I was feeling rough from a nasty flu/ cold I had since Friday. She had planned ages ago to work from home until Wednesday ( i would’ve been in the office if I was well) and her first reaction was ‘ oh we’re going to get in trouble if we’re both not at the desk can you let me know if you’re coming in tomorrow’ not ‘ get well soon’ she just kept asking me if I was gonna make it in. It just annoys me cos if it were the other way round I would’ve been like ‘ absolutely no worries get well soon’

Reply 1

StriderHort

21

The example you are giving is sort of lightweight tbh, not really demonstrating passive aggression

Reply 2

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Some people are a bit colder than others but if the example above is typical then no, it's not worth raising.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Admit-One

Some people are a bit colder than others but if the example above is typical then no, it's not worth raising.

Yes but she’s warm to everyone else I just feel like if I don’t tell her the way she speaks to me upsets me it will just keep happening but also I don’t want to sound super dramatic

Reply 4

Zarek

21

She’s just thinking of her own interests. With colleagues you have to weigh up whether bringing things in to the open is likely to make them better. If you genuinely want to improve the relationship it’s worth a go

Original post by Anonymous

The girl I work closely with ( she’s not my manager or anyone higher up) is just so passive aggressive to me. The final straw was yesterday I worked from home and told her that I was feeling rough from a nasty flu/ cold I had since Friday. She had planned ages ago to work from home until Wednesday ( i would’ve been in the office if I was well) and her first reaction was ‘ oh we’re going to get in trouble if we’re both not at the desk can you let me know if you’re coming in tomorrow’ not ‘ get well soon’ she just kept asking me if I was gonna make it in. It just annoys me cos if it were the other way round I would’ve been like ‘ absolutely no worries get well soon’

You work together, you have a professional relationship, it's not a friendship unless you both want to take it there. Her answer is entirely professional, you just wanted something different. You will look a fool if you complain about this, and it wasn't 'passive aggressive' in the first place. You need to stop expecting a workplace relationship to be the same as a friendship.

Reply 6

Amydesigns1104

8

Original post by threeportdrift

You work together, you have a professional relationship, it's not a friendship unless you both want to take it there. Her answer is entirely professional, you just wanted something different. You will look a fool if you complain about this, and it wasn't 'passive aggressive' in the first place. You need to stop expecting a workplace relationship to be the same as a friendship.

But why can’t we be friends I like her :frown:

Reply 7

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Original post by Amydesigns1104

But why can’t we be friends I like her :frown:

You've described them as "passive aggressive" and that this latest thing was the "final straw" and that you were considering complaining or raising with them, but you want to be friends with them? That seems a bit at odds.

Many workmates will have no interest whatsoever in being your friend. That's the way it is and they have every right to maintain a distance from colleagues.

NB. I am assuming that you are the OP although you're no longer posting as Anon.

Original post by Amydesigns1104

But why can’t we be friends I like her :frown:

Because it's work. You can be friends if she wants to as well, but that's coincidental to the fact you work together. For many people, and in certain work cultures, there is a firm boundary between what is professional and what is personal. She may have her own reasons for attending work and participating entirely out of necessity, and fulfilling all her social needs in a very different context. She is entitled to do that, and it's not all that unusual.

Reply 9

Lilyanne2

8

Sometimes raising things with colleagues can help, sometimes it can make things worse - it depends on your colleague's personality. Why we like someone, or why they like us, and whether or not we get on with them, can't always be explained. However, as others have suggested, in this instance, your colleague's behaviour sounds ok. I think that if things escalate and you feel there is a bit of a bullying culture (and you are sure you are not being too sensitive), that is another matter. We're not always aware that we have offended someone, and sometimes it is good to bring the matter out into the open. The book A-Z of office life has information about bullying, workplace relationships and 'difficult' colleagues.

Would you tell your employee that they’ve upset you?

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