My bf is very complicated recently...

We've been together nearly 3 years for the most part it's been great. The last year we lived together we had ups and downs our worse arguments but we made it through and moved to a new city together.

I'm mostly happy. Just sometimes I feel like I want us to do more and his very reluctant. His had a period of anxiety and depression which his very closed off with and can go in moods I don't understand. I went on holiday and we planned a cute date to London. We were going to go grab food and drink. We had some nice food and we were chatting laughing having some drinks we were discussing which cocktail to try next even when all of a sudden he went I'm not drinking no more. And now I don't care if his drinking its just the way it was he went all serious and the laughter we were having just went. I was very confused n just casually go oh damn really how comes... he turns a bit snappy being like why can't I do what I want to do why you tryna make me drink. Im obviously kinda confused as like we were both like let's get tipsy, his made comments before saying he feels pressured to drink with me? I never pressure honestly we never go out and drink like we hadn't had a drink in months together so it baffled me. But then apparently me asking oh how comes do u mot wanna get tipsy is me pressuring him. I thought we were gunna have some drinks for another hour but he then wanted to leave extremely badly. I don't even know how the rest of the day happened but from there it went on by him saying all I want to do is drink is that all I want to do. Obviously I'm just so confused because we never drink. We had an interactive thing booked to go to next which was ruined because I couldn't shake the way he acted for ages, I couldn't understand why he was so annoyed to sit in there longer or why he thought I was trying to pressure him ect. We had a very on edge day out which ended I'm him having a breakdown at the end just because he didn't feel himself that day he didn't want to be out. I was really sad because I had planned this cute day out in London which was ruined.

He has this thing where he thinks I'm trying to say how he thinks and feels because when his stressed I accidently go 'why u getting annoyed' I've explained si many times I'm not meaning to say how you feel and pls don't get too mad if I do as I've really tried to stop saying that to him because if I do he shuts down n gets ****y n sometimes I don't even realise I've said it.

He also keeps not asking me stuff or telling Mr stuff because he assumes I won't like it or I'll react bad. Which is ****ing me off bc I don't even know what the thing is to even have a reaction. Which I think is so hypocrite because his not letting me react how I want to....

I'm not sure what I'm asking for just some opinions. For the most part were very happy got a dog together he makes effort but not by planning dates ect. I think thats what I want more but he doesn't because I think his worried he won't be able to stick with it... like the London date but I planned that. Overall I can get bored because I want to do stuff and bc of his depression episode we did nothing and I've been so patient his said we will do certain things and I'm still waiting.

Reply 1

Surnia

Has he had professional help for his condition? Sounds like he isn't fully through it. However, you've got to consider the rest of the 3 years, as serious arguments and not putting the effort in don't bode well for the future.

Reply 2

Zarek

Sounds like it might be some niggling issues with his depression and perhaps on the day in London the alcohol just hit him the wrong way. People also just have ups and downs and occasional unpleasant behaviour within otherwise good relationships can be run of the mill. Try and talk about it when things are going well.