Info-dump: Mental health and relationship with my mum

Hello folks. Just wanted to make an info-dump-style post to offload some of my thoughts and feelings, as I'm lacking an outlet for this in my offline life. Please add your thoughts if you'd like to, but don't feel obliged to. I'm not looking for advice :smile:

I'm autistic and neurodivergent; I also would describe my attachment style as fearful-avoidant/disorganised, and put this down to my relationship with my mother, who has always been off-and-on with her love for me, sometimes showing it, other times not. And this, I have realised with some distance (although I am currently living in my mother's house right now, but not for much longer), has led to me having experiences of not feeling validated or loved, so I spent a lot of my adolescence choosing to shut myself up in my bedroom. Because of all the emotional neglect from outside. And that was a choice, I don't blame myself for it. Yet it effects me today. I'm working on healing, managing that alongside chronic fatigue, depressive episodes, and other lovely neurodivergent experiences. I'm looking forward to going back to my university city and, all things going to plan, never living in my mother's house again (I am privileged and grateful to have this opportunity). Though I am privileged, I feel it doesn't take away from my right to feel happy and loved (by myself, and (hopefully) others). I ramble a bit; I acknowledge that I don't need my parents to validate these painful experiences to heal (I used to need validation).

Reply 1

notstudyingatall

14

Original post by rubymacbeth

Hello folks. Just wanted to make an info-dump-style post to offload some of my thoughts and feelings, as I'm lacking an outlet for this in my offline life. Please add your thoughts if you'd like to, but don't feel obliged to. I'm not looking for advice :smile:

I'm autistic and neurodivergent; I also would describe my attachment style as fearful-avoidant/disorganised, and put this down to my relationship with my mother, who has always been off-and-on with her love for me, sometimes showing it, other times not. And this, I have realised with some distance (although I am currently living in my mother's house right now, but not for much longer), has led to me having experiences of not feeling validated or loved, so I spent a lot of my adolescence choosing to shut myself up in my bedroom. Because of all the emotional neglect from outside. And that was a choice, I don't blame myself for it. Yet it effects me today. I'm working on healing, managing that alongside chronic fatigue, depressive episodes, and other lovely neurodivergent experiences. I'm looking forward to going back to my university city and, all things going to plan, never living in my mother's house again (I am privileged and grateful to have this opportunity). Though I am privileged, I feel it doesn't take away from my right to feel happy and loved (by myself, and (hopefully) others). I ramble a bit; I acknowledge that I don't need my parents to validate these painful experiences to heal (I used to need validation).