Flatmates keep inviting friends round without warning
I am a second year student who just moved into off campus accommodation with 3 friends. They are studying Computer Science whereas I am studying Computer science with AI and now I have a very different timetable to them. We only live 5 mins away from campus so they keep inviting anywhere between 3 and 5 of their friends around without telling me. They are incredibly loud and I often walk in not expecting them to be there. We don't have locks on our doors and one of them came into my room once without knocking. I don't feel like I can do normal things such as showering, making food etc when they are around I fell like they will be staring at me.
They usually only come around twice a week but they are incredibly irritating when they do and there is never any pre-warning.
Should I tell my flatmates I don't like them being around or should I try and stay out of the flat when they're likely to come round?
They usually only come around twice a week but they are incredibly irritating when they do and there is never any pre-warning.
Should I tell my flatmates I don't like them being around or should I try and stay out of the flat when they're likely to come round?
Original post by Dreyver
I am a second year student who just moved into off campus accommodation with 3 friends. They are studying Computer Science whereas I am studying Computer science with AI and now I have a very different timetable to them. We only live 5 mins away from campus so they keep inviting anywhere between 3 and 5 of their friends around without telling me. They are incredibly loud and I often walk in not expecting them to be there. We don't have locks on our doors and one of them came into my room once without knocking. I don't feel like I can do normal things such as showering, making food etc when they are around I fell like they will be staring at me.
They usually only come around twice a week but they are incredibly irritating when they do and there is never any pre-warning.
Should I tell my flatmates I don't like them being around or should I try and stay out of the flat when they're likely to come round?
They usually only come around twice a week but they are incredibly irritating when they do and there is never any pre-warning.
Should I tell my flatmates I don't like them being around or should I try and stay out of the flat when they're likely to come round?
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in.
In usual circumstances I would say that they don't have an obligation to let you know when friends are coming round every single time, especially if it's only twice a week. You are students after all, so inviting friends over is to be expected. However I appreciate that giving you a quick head's up would be the polite thing to do.
I think the real issue is that they are behaving in a very inconsiderate way. If they were just having a quiet gathering each time, it wouldn't be a problem. From what you said in the post, it also seems like they are excluding you and not making you feel welcome to join in. To feel that you can't do things like access the kitchen or shower, which you have an equal right to use, is a really uncomfortable situation to be in. Having strangers come into your room without warning and being so loud when you need to study/sleep is also completely unacceptable.
I do think you need to say something, otherwise the problem will just continue. While I don't think you should say that you don't want their friends to come over anymore, as at the end of the day it is their flat too and they can invite who they want, you should definitely ask in a polite but firm way for them to keep the noise levels down and make it clear that you don't want random people coming into your room without warning. You should also ask them to give you a head's up when inviting people over.
You can do this in person, or put a message in the group chat if that's easier. Hopefully if they are your friends, they will accept this, and the most important thing is to not back down as you all have the right to live in the flat comfortably. If they refuse or the problem still continues, you could try to mitigate the situation by installing a lock on the door, buying earplugs or avoiding the flat while the friends are there. If the problem is very bad and you really feel that you can't live there, you could also consider trying to find a replacement flatmate and seeking alternative accommodation. Also, you should seek new flatmates and not live with them again next year.
I hope they will be receptive and it won't come to that. Again, I'm sorry you are in this situation as I know it can be awkward to deal with.
Just call security at 23:00, no noise is allowed.
@Dreyver
I think you are going to have to say something before you lose your cool. I assume that the friends are coming round when there are gaps during their timetable, if this is the case it's nice that your friends want to be hospitable and welcoming, though everyone needs their private space!
Try not to be self-conscious. It's your space, so you should feel free to do whatever you need to do without worrying about others around you. It might be an idea to spend more time with the people coming round so that you feel more relaxed when they're there.
It might also be an idea to talk to your friends about how you feel, that you are happy for them to invite people round, but perhaps not as often. You might also need to make it clear that you don't want people wandering into your room as that's your personal space with your personal things!
You could suggest that perhaps they give you some kind of advance notice or send you a message if they plan to invite friends over, so you have got a bit of time to do what you need to do, even if that's just to grab your stuff and head to the library. Try to be fair but do communicate how you feel. They most probably don't realise that you feel uncomfortable with people coming over all the time.
Hope that helps,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
I think you are going to have to say something before you lose your cool. I assume that the friends are coming round when there are gaps during their timetable, if this is the case it's nice that your friends want to be hospitable and welcoming, though everyone needs their private space!
Try not to be self-conscious. It's your space, so you should feel free to do whatever you need to do without worrying about others around you. It might be an idea to spend more time with the people coming round so that you feel more relaxed when they're there.
It might also be an idea to talk to your friends about how you feel, that you are happy for them to invite people round, but perhaps not as often. You might also need to make it clear that you don't want people wandering into your room as that's your personal space with your personal things!
You could suggest that perhaps they give you some kind of advance notice or send you a message if they plan to invite friends over, so you have got a bit of time to do what you need to do, even if that's just to grab your stuff and head to the library. Try to be fair but do communicate how you feel. They most probably don't realise that you feel uncomfortable with people coming over all the time.
Hope that helps,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
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