Flatmate being really isolated/creepy

Hey, hope this is the right forum, not used this in quite a while ha ha. Just wanted to ask people on here what the right course of action is when a flatmate is isolating themselves and refusing to co-operate at all with the rest of the flat? It started with him not talking to any of us, which was fine in itself, but this quickly escalated to him running away from anyone in the flat the earliest opportunity he gets and waking up to stuff during the early hours of the morning when people on the corridor are trying to sleep! I've gently tried to get him to join the group chat we've got just so he can be informed of whats happening in the flat and maybe socialise but he seems to have just straight up ignored it and gone back to isolating himself in his room all day. The final straw came yesterday when he locked himself in the shower room and stayed there without the shower on for 10 minutes not doing anything while me and my friend were talking in the other room. Does anyone have any guidance on how to deal with this? I really don't want to call security but I'm beginning to get super uncomfortable with this guy's general behaviour.

Reply 1

Lydia Taylor (YSJU Student Ambassador)

Official Rep

12

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, hope this is the right forum, not used this in quite a while ha ha. Just wanted to ask people on here what the right course of action is when a flatmate is isolating themselves and refusing to co-operate at all with the rest of the flat? It started with him not talking to any of us, which was fine in itself, but this quickly escalated to him running away from anyone in the flat the earliest opportunity he gets and waking up to stuff during the early hours of the morning when people on the corridor are trying to sleep! I've gently tried to get him to join the group chat we've got just so he can be informed of whats happening in the flat and maybe socialise but he seems to have just straight up ignored it and gone back to isolating himself in his room all day. The final straw came yesterday when he locked himself in the shower room and stayed there without the shower on for 10 minutes not doing anything while me and my friend were talking in the other room. Does anyone have any guidance on how to deal with this? I really don't want to call security but I'm beginning to get super uncomfortable with this guy's general behaviour.

Hello,

I hope other than this you are settling well into halls and enjoying university!

As you have reached out to the person and they did not respond, you personally might not be able to do much more. It could be worth reaching out again with an invite like having a film night and making a point of inviting them. If he is feeling awkward then this gives an opportunity to socialise but without any pressure on talking.
I think it is important to try not to escalate the situation and consider that they could just be feeling home sick and unsure in the new environment.

As you are concerned, I would recommend that you contact your university wellbeing team. They can check on that person and ensure that they are okay and may even be able to arrange a meeting between the flat if you feel that would help. It will also give you a chance to speak of any concerns as you mentioned you don't feel comfortable.
This is your university experience and the wellbeing team will be able to help make it the best it can be. At the end of the day, this is your home away from home and you should feel comfortable in it.

I hope that helps,
Lydia :smile:

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, hope this is the right forum, not used this in quite a while ha ha. Just wanted to ask people on here what the right course of action is when a flatmate is isolating themselves and refusing to co-operate at all with the rest of the flat? It started with him not talking to any of us, which was fine in itself, but this quickly escalated to him running away from anyone in the flat the earliest opportunity he gets and waking up to stuff during the early hours of the morning when people on the corridor are trying to sleep! I've gently tried to get him to join the group chat we've got just so he can be informed of whats happening in the flat and maybe socialise but he seems to have just straight up ignored it and gone back to isolating himself in his room all day. The final straw came yesterday when he locked himself in the shower room and stayed there without the shower on for 10 minutes not doing anything while me and my friend were talking in the other room. Does anyone have any guidance on how to deal with this? I really don't want to call security but I'm beginning to get super uncomfortable with this guy's general behaviour.

Hi there

It seems like this person might have social anxiety. From his behaviour, I don't think he's trying to ignore you with a bad/rude intention, he's probably trying to feel comfortable and settle in but hasn't been able to. It's great that you've tried to make him feel included and invited him for conversations but if he isn't responding, I don't think you should do more- it might make him feel pressured. Alternatively, I think every interaction you've had with him has been with another person present- try to make a one-on-one conversation if you spot him somewhere? Maybe he'll feel more comfortable that way.

If not, let things be for now and hopefully by the end of the semester, he'll be settled in and feel more comfortable around you all :smile:

-Himieka

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 3

username5428282

21

Someone is entitled to be reclusive if they want and he probably has social anxiety as someone else has mentioned. Talk to him about noise levels in the morning if that's an issue, but staying in the shower room for ten minutes is not something to moan about. You want to call security because someone is making you feel a bit uncomfortable? You must have lived a very privileged existence indeed. You sound like a bully to be honest.

Nothing you've outlined here sounds remotely "creepy". I can't even figure out why you're uncomfortable. Security aren't going to boot someone out just because they aren't social. Being flatmates doesn't mean you're all going to be friends; flatmates are just people who share the same living space out of convenience. When I lived in student accommodation I didn't even see my flatmates the majority of the time because we all had our individual lives and social groups. He clearly just wants to be left alone so as long as he isn't harming anyone just leave him be.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5

londonmyst

19

He's probably very shy and reserved, has severe anxiety or takes a while to be able to adapt to living with strangers.
Best to ignore him as long as he is not causing any trouble or taking other people's items without permission.

Try not to take it personally or view him as a potential Norman Bates.
Security won't get involved in student complaints about feel uncomfortable with their flatmates unless criminal actions/threats of it, illegal drug use or serious mental health problems accompanied by violence are also involved.

Reply 6

Sorcerer's Storm

20

That's not creepy, he's just shy, introverted and probably socially anxious. Trying to force him to join in is the last thing you should be doing! Just let him be a hermit if that's what he wants.