Socially inept at uni

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Reply 1

Astray666

13

Nothings wrong with you, everyone is different, we all have different genes, grow up in different environments and household which moulds us as humans.

Be confident in yourself, find the right group of people that like you, ready to listen to you and respect you for who you are. Put yourself out there and don't be afraid as no one is perfect, the more you speak and communicate the easier it becomes, it's a skill after all and you need to use it to get better at it.

Reply 2

University of Sunderland Student Ambassador

Official Rep

11

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hello,

There's nothing wrong with you neither are you hopeless and it's okay to prefer smaller groups or one to one conversations. Not everyone is the same and you shouldn't feel bad for being the way you are. If you'd like to be more comfortable talking to a lot of people you could do that gradually but don't force yourself or worry too much about it.

You could try little by little and eventually you'd be more comfortable in large groups, you could join clubs or societies where you meet people with similar interests and bond through trainings or hangouts, getting a part time jobs where you meet other people is also a good idea, just complimenting a random person but don't forget that whenever you feel overwhelmed, take some time for yourself and try again the next day.

Do it at your own pace but it's also not an obligation. Take your time and do what makes you happy!

Benedicta
Digital Ambassador UoS

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hey,

Definitely agree with the above, there is nothing wrong with you! I was the same, especially in first year, and it definitely improved over time in my case. I would say try to talk to people one on one and build from there, because I understand it can be overwhelming.

I see the post was a month ago; how are things going now? :h:

Natalie
University of Kent Student Rep (2nd year PhD Psychology)

(edited 5 months ago)

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hi Anon,

I definitely agree with the above comments - there is nothing wrong with you. A lot of people are not a big fan of big groups (including me). Hopefully you've had the chance to start talking to people one-on-one since you posted this.

I would also recommend joining a society - there will be less people in one go, especially compared to university events and lectures. It also means that you and the other society members have something in common, so it's a good conversation starter.

I hope you have had a good start to university and you've managed to make some friends since you posted :smile:

Susannah (ARU)

Reply 5

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Anon,

I am the same. I find large groups can be quite intimidating and I can feel like I never know what to say in large group conversations, but you don't always have to say something in a large group, you can listen and show interest and can begin to get an idea of different people. Once you get to know people better it's easier to talk in a group, but you can also talk more 1:1 with people who mentioned something that you can relate to, know about, or are interested in.

Sometimes when you make friends with a group, you can find that you don't really get to know everyone well and that you are kind of friends with some but not friends with everyone, so it's helpful to try and get to know people better by spending more 1:1 time with them e.g. grabbing coffee, inviting them to a university event etc...

The more you spend time with the same people, the easier it will become to talk with people in a large group but there is nothing wrong with talking to one person and making friends and then talking to another person and then making friends etc.. Friendship groups work in different ways. Sometimes everyone is friends with the same people and that's your friendship group, and sometimes you're friends with lots of different people who are not friends with each other but they're your group of friends. It doesn't really matter which friendship group you have, as long as there are some people you can share with/relate to.

Hope that helps,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

(edited 5 months ago)

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hiya,

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you don't worry. We are all unique and everybody deals with social situations in a different way.

In order to get more comfortable at socialising, you have to participate in it. My advice would be to start small and ease yourself into this. Start with simply saying hey to people or asking how their day was, you can gradually build up to being able to have conversations with them.You will be surprised how quickly you can make friends through simple small talk. Once you have got to know a few people in your class it will be easier to talk in a large group and contribute to class discussions.

It is okay to struggle and have days where you don't feel like talking to others, after all everybody has a social battery, some just last longer than others! But take any opportunity you get and try to put yourself out there a little. You've got this!

Good luck,
Jess - Digital Student Ambassador ARU

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hi,

First of all, I want to agree with everyone else here and say there is nothing wrong with you. It's completely normal to not like big crowds and busy events! Everyone likes to socialise in their own way and you need to do this at a speed you feel comfortable with.

I have plenty of friends who were similar to you and found socialising in big groups quite difficult as even for those that are outgoing, large crowds can be overwhelming at times especially if you are trying to make new friends. They found that simple things like joining societies with similar-minded people really helped them as it was usually done in smaller groups and allowed them to bond over shared interests which seems to make socialising a lot easier.

I would advise you to not be too hard on yourself and only go at a speed that feels comfortable for you as University is difficult enough without pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone.

I hope that things have gotten easier for you since you posted this post and that the tips in the thread help you to become a little more confident in yourself.

Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep (3rd year Children's Nursing)

(edited 5 months ago)

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve never been a fan of meeting large groups of people and I can really feel it coming out during early days at uni. It’s like a have no compulsion to go up to chat with anyone if there is a group and I’m considerably quiet most of the time. I do talk and sometimes I try to get involved but talking comfortably in front of unfamiliar people just feels so unnatural. I do much better one on one depending on the person but at a busy event or in any group I’m hopeless. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just need to try harder?

Hi Anon,

As others have already said - there is nothing wrong with you! Everyone is different, and some people are going to be more overwhelmed or uncomfortable around big groups of people, myself included.

You could always try to join a sport or society if you haven't already, find volunteering opportunities or part-time work, or go to events on campus or in your local area. It might help to start slowly and then build it up over time, that way you may not get so overwhelmed.

There is no pressure to talk to bigger groups or to make yourself feel this way, so I'd just say surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable and make an effort to include and respect you. I hope things have got a little easier since you posted!

I hope this helps,
Isabella

Socially inept at uni

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