Hating uni

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

Reply 1

bearsrcool123

7

Original post by Anonymous

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

Hello! That sounds really, really tough. First year is a massive struggle as your on you're own for the first time, are probably in a new town and are on a brand new type of work schedule! All of those things are really overwhelming.

For the course side of it, I know exactly how you feel. In my first and second year, I really regretted the course I chose and thought I'd just be sticking it out the whole time out of sheer spite, but now I'm starting my third year, I can say that I really enjoy it! If you can, you should do some modules from other courses, which will help add a bit more pizzazz into your life; that really helped me! If you can't do that, definitely speak to your personal tutor or mental wellbeing, as they are there to help and advise you, they were really helpful for me (especially my tutor!)

I also found it really hard to make friends, and I have formed a friendship group out of sheer luck. I happened to go to one fresher's event where I was invited to a flat the next day. I forced myself to go and that's where I met her friend, who also had a friend, and now the four of us are in our second year of living together (that was very long winded, I'm sorry!) We all didn't have that initial click like friends often did in school. We are all very different people, and I think that same click doesn't happen as often in uni because people are older and are also missing their friends. If you can, join a course group chat, and you don't have to say anything on it, just watch from afar and you can learn what people like to talk about and how people sIag off the course! That's always a great bonding point with classmates! If you're in a shared flat and not feeling too anxious, hang out in the kitchen for a while, and maybe you can talk to your flatmates about their courses!

Just know that you are not alone. I had literally barely a friend by the end of first year. It was so so tough. But so many people I know also felt alone and anxious, and quite existential in their life choices. If you can, stick with it, because people do start opening up more and more, and by second year, at least for my 50 person music course, it does begin to feel like you can chat with anyone on your course, even if it's just for a couple of minute!

I wish you so much luck, and I hope all goes well for you! <3

(edited 6 months ago)

Reply 2

University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador

Official Rep

14

Original post by Anonymous

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

Hey, sorry that you are not having a good time at uni.
Uni can be really different experiences for everyone and for some they find friends instantly and others don't. Personally I had lots of different classes in my first couple of years and everyone was different in every classes. In terms of making friends with coursemates it did take until later into my undergrad. I met more people I am close to through joining a sport society and also through part time work along side uni. Putting yourself out there can be nervous and scary but being friendly and making small talk to people in your classes sometimes flourishes into getting to know them and forming friends/ finding commonality.
My advice is to try and not let feeling like you have no friends and don't fit in, impact your studying at uni. Hopefully you like aspects of your course and that underneath there are positive aspects. Although it may look like others are getting along great that may not be the case - try not to compare with others.
As you said things can't go back in a sense - everyone and everything changes. I would suggest reaching out to your friends from before uni and see if they want to meet up to give yourself something to look forward to. Also messaging them and keeping in touch can make you feel less isolated.
I really hope you enjoy uni and feel better about it soon. All the best - Catherine University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador

Reply 3

De Montfort University

Official Rep

16

Hi there , it is unfortunate that you have had such a rough start to what should have been some of the best years of your life .
Based on what you've said it seems that you also don't really enjoy your course at the moment , aside from all the other issues you have mentioned with your uni lacking a social aspect. I advise that maybe you consider transferring to another university in second year , you can spend the rest of the year trying to make the most of your current situations and focussing on getting through the academic bit. Then spend weekends travelling to universities you may be interested in and attending some open days , make sure that they have an avid social aspect with societies and sports club. I am lucky to study in a university that has an amazing student union and more than 100 sports clubs and societies , I am involved with quite a lot including nerdy clubs such as the electronics club and Women in Stem. A huge part of my experiences at DMU are attributed to what they offer outside of class and I'm so sorry you have missed out on that . Consider looking at other universities and start applying for a transfer for 2024 , maybe also change courses if the current one you are studying does not make you happy.

I hope this helps .
Cece ✨
Energy Engineering Student
De Montfort University

Reply 4

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

Anon,

Is there another course at your present university that you might be interested in studying?

It's great that you clicked with people at school and college but I think that for a lot of people they either have great school/college friends or they have great uni friends. Each season in life is different and sometimes everything seems to come together and sometimes it doesn't. While it is a good idea to try to hold on to good friendships, you will have to reconcile yourself to the present. You're in a new season now, and though things may be different it doesn't mean it has to be an unhappy one!

Are you allowed to set up a society? Are there things in the community that you could get involved with that would give you back your confidence e.g. doing some voluntary work with a charity? Perhaps, you could do some fundraising? Perhaps, you could persuade people to take part at your university or to sponsor you?
A part-time job might also help you meet more people or help you earn money so that you can visit places of interest or provide you with the money to start a new hobby. There may even be a running club in your area that you could join.

Have a think about what you like to do and then try and make it happen.

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

I'm going to tell you something i wish i had realised when i came to uni. Friends take time to make. A month is not long enough. It took me a year to feel close to people at uni. Looking back at high school i didnt have a strong group until sixth form even know i had previously known these people for 3 years. Friendships take time. If your uni has no societies or clubs is there anything in the local area? can you make anything? Is you school part of a greater university that has societies you can join? Is your course something you want to do as part of a career?

Original post by Anonymous

Last month I started at uni, and a month in, I'm really not loving it. The course feels like I'm wasting my life, and I haven't found anyone I've clicked with yet, like my friends at school and college.

It's quite a nerdy course and a small uni, so I'm really struggling to find likeminded people, which is killing my confidence and I'm lacking a sense of purpose in life at the moment.
I absolutely loved the last two years of sixth form, had the best group of friends ever, I got on well with the whole year and it felt like a second home. I'd try to get involved with as much as possible both in and out of school, but my uni doesn't have any societies or clubs (being a specialist school.) I'm really missing my old life and would do anything at this point to get it back (which I know isn't going to happen) because I feel like I'm scraping myself along the ground and it's not what I was expecting in the slightest.
Any comments, thoughts, suggestions or stories would be really good to hear, as I'm clinging onto nothing at the moment.
Thanks 🙏

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. University can be really tough, especially in your first year when you've moved somewhere new, are in a new environment, meeting so many new people, and trying to establish a routine, but just know that so many people are feeling the same.

Enjoying and feeling rewarded from studying your subject is one of the most important aspects of university. You'll be dedicating a lot of time studying this course for so many years, spending a lot of money to study it, and it will likely take you down a specific career path. If you're not enjoying your course, it sounds like something needs to change! As it has been suggested, see if you can take some different modules to change it up a bit. Maybe think back to why you chose to study this course to begin with, and remember where it will take you. It might be a good idea to have a meeting with a careers advisor or the well-being team at your university. Would it be worth persevering through until Christmas, and then re-evaluating? Transferring for second year might be an option too, as that could help with your feelings about the course as well as the social aspect.

In terms of finding like-minded people, there may be a few things you can do. Make sure you try to stay in regular contact with your friends from sixth form, as it sounds like you had a great group. Continue getting involved with as much as possible in and out of school, and maybe look into volunteering and/or part-time work, which would be great places to find like-minded people.

I hope this helps a little. In the end, all that matters is that you make the best decision for you.

Best of luck,
Isabella :smile:

(edited 6 months ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by De Montfort University

Hi there , it is unfortunate that you have had such a rough start to what should have been some of the best years of your life .
Based on what you've said it seems that you also don't really enjoy your course at the moment , aside from all the other issues you have mentioned with your uni lacking a social aspect. I advise that maybe you consider transferring to another university in second year , you can spend the rest of the year trying to make the most of your current situations and focussing on getting through the academic bit. Then spend weekends travelling to universities you may be interested in and attending some open days , make sure that they have an avid social aspect with societies and sports club. I am lucky to study in a university that has an amazing student union and more than 100 sports clubs and societies , I am involved with quite a lot including nerdy clubs such as the electronics club and Women in Stem. A huge part of my experiences at DMU are attributed to what they offer outside of class and I'm so sorry you have missed out on that . Consider looking at other universities and start applying for a transfer for 2024 , maybe also change courses if the current one you are studying does not make you happy.

I hope this helps .
Cece ✨
Energy Engineering Student
De Montfort University

I do like the response you've given here, but I do think we need to debunk this idea that uni "should" be the best years of your life. It adds a subconscious level of pressure, because if they aren't the best years, you feel like you've failed or missed out.

Uni for a large number of people aren't the "best" years, and that's okay.

No disrespect, I really like your advice and find it useful, I just think the notion of Uni being the best years of life can be a damaging and sometimes unrealistic view of it.

Hating uni

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