can't rlly make friends

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Hey. Well sounds like you're waiting for something rather than being proactive- maybe you should invite some people around to your dorm or ask for someone's socials if you do enjoy hanging out with them. its a two way thing yk? maybe join a club or society it will help you get to know people better while seeing them regularly. take care of yourself though and try focus on studying as you have to put yourself first

Reply 2

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Anon,

It's great you talk to different people regularly and that there are some who you enjoy hanging out with already. It sounds like you're in the process of making friends but that it just hasn't fully happened yet. Sometimes you just have to give things time, or do you need to spend more time with people so that you can build those shared experiences quicker.

Comparing yourself with others doesn't make things better! Accommodation is a big thing, but you also don't want to move in with people who you are then stuck with for the year who you really don't like living with, so think carefully about the people who might make good housemates and try to get to know them better. You will not build close or great friendships with everyone, but being on good terms with people is something to be thankful for. Try not to put yourself under pressure to best buds with everyone you meet.

At the moment, you need to focus on your studies. Perhaps you can arrange to meet up with different people to study in the library?

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Hi,

I am sorry to hear making friends is proving tricky. As you are still early in your first year it is a common feeling but loneliness is still a horrible feeling.

Firstly, to echo what others have said, comparison truly is the thief of joy! Try to remind yourself that everyones social/life journey will be different. Secondly, you do not have to make friends with people in your accommodation. If you do not get along with them that is completely fine. Finally, as others have mentioned try surrounding yourself with people you might have things in common with so you get along with them better. This is usually best done through societies, sports or groupchats. Starting off on group-chats first can be helpful then plan to meet up.

I hope this helps and good luck. :smile:

Alia
University of Kent Student Rep

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

yeah im the exact same, what uni you at?

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this and that it's impacting your work. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Making friends can be hard, and many, many people feel the same way as you do, even if they look like they have a lot of friends.

It's great that you've met people who you've enjoyed speaking to and hanging out with. If you feel that its not going anywhere, maybe try and invite them out for drinks, coffee, to an activity, or ask for their socials? This may help you to bond a little better if you do want to become closer friends with them, and don't be scared to ask! I was often relieved when people would ask me to do something with them, and you never know if you don't try.

I'd also encourage you to not compare yourself to people in your flat, your hometown friends, or anyone else. People do things at different paces and in different ways, so it won't be helpful for you mentally or academically to be comparing and discouraging yourself based on others.

It may also help you to create a more fulfilling schedule/university life - you can do this by joining sports and societies, finding volunteering opportunities and part-time work, going to Student Union and campus activities, discovering hobbies, and focusing on your studies. You can meet people by doing many of these things, and you'll also be working on yourself too.

Do try to put yourself out there, but focusing on yourself and your own success is equally, if not more important than finding your best friends. People will come along when you least expect it, so don't be discouraged - you've got this! 🙂

Best of luck,
Isabella

Original post by Anonymous

hey. so ive been at uni for a while now and i still feel like I have no friends. i aint lonely cuz ofc i talk to people and stuff, and theres some people who ive really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with, but its never really gone anywhere. i see them like once or twice a week and nothing happens past that and i just kinda feel behind socially. i get its early but my hometown friends and other people on my course are already getting their accom sorted and **** and meanwhile ive so far have added one person? on social media. it kinda sucks cuz everyone in my flat has already gotten into their own groups and **** but i dont really relate to any of them and while we are on good terms i wouldnt say we are rlly friends or anything. it kinda sucks and i feel like its causing me to lose track on work cuz i just spend alot of time thinking about whats wrong with me that i cant make friends.

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you are finding it a little tough at the moment but it sounds like you are doing all the right things to start making friends! Making friends can take some time so try not to be too hard on yourself and as others have said, try not to compare yourself to others as this really has no positives and will only lead to upset.

Continue doing what you are doing with talking to others and eventually things will start to fall into place for you. Also, try to connect with some of your flatmates as you sometimes find the most unexpected scenarios will bond you as a flat and it's nice to have someone in your flat you can run to late at night if you are worried about something.

Try not to let it impact your studies too much as although, I understand that it is upsetting when you are trying to make friends, you have to try and keep your studies afloat too.

I hope this post is of some assistance and that things become easier for you soon!

Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep (3rd-year Children's Nursing)

can't rlly make friends

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