Looking for advice for being me
Hi, I’ve realised that I tend to change my personality a lot based on who I’m around, and the persona I like best only comes out when I’m around people much shyer than me. This means that a lot of the friends I make aren’t people I love being around. Wondering if anyone else has the same issue and how they deal with this?
Original post by Dandelion.soup
Hi, I’ve realised that I tend to change my personality a lot based on who I’m around, and the persona I like best only comes out when I’m around people much shyer than me. This means that a lot of the friends I make aren’t people I love being around. Wondering if anyone else has the same issue and how they deal with this?
All the time.
Very rarely does it feel like I fit in anywhere. I'm just me at the end of the day. If people want to hang around with me, great. If not then it's less for me to worry about I suppose
I'm hopeless socially and it takes me ages to open up around new people
oh god im kind of like this but not with the shy person thing. honestly, approach people you like and be as you as you can. it might feel forced but once you fall into a natural friendship it'll come more naturally. if they don't like you for being the version of you you like most, screw them.
think about it, most of these people won't be people you'll know forever. i only have one or two friends but i love them, they're as crackheaded as me.
but don't feel like having loads of friends is the be all and end all- if you like who you are, that's all that matters
)
think about it, most of these people won't be people you'll know forever. i only have one or two friends but i love them, they're as crackheaded as me.
but don't feel like having loads of friends is the be all and end all- if you like who you are, that's all that matters
)
This has never, ever been a thing for me. I suspect it is more a thing for people not fully comfortable with themselves and/or their own identity. In terms of changing that, I'm not sure how you'd go about it, but I suppose I'm a bit of a believer in living to standards you set for yourself rather than what is expected by other people.
Original post by Dandelion.soup
Hi, I’ve realised that I tend to change my personality a lot based on who I’m around, and the persona I like best only comes out when I’m around people much shyer than me. This means that a lot of the friends I make aren’t people I love being around. Wondering if anyone else has the same issue and how they deal with this?
@Dandelion.soup
I think to some degree everyone alters their personality a bit depending on who they are with. For example, I would say that I was quite a shy person, but compared to other people who are shy people might think I am not. I know that if I am around people who are shyer than I am, that I naturally want to put them more at ease, so I can appear more like an extrovert. I also know that if I am around lots of people who are loud and around people who want to talk, and who can carry conversation quite easily, then I can revert to being quite introverted. I would say that I am an ambivert (can sometimes act like an extrovert and can sometimes act like an introvert).
I don’t know if that’s you, but it might be a confidence thing. You might feel more confident when you are in familiar surroundings and with familiar people – you might find it easier to be yourself. Perhaps when you are with new people, it’s not so easy. If this is the case, I think the only way to feel more confident is to get used to being around new people and surroundings – the more you get out of your comfort zone, the easier it will get!
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
Original post by University of Huddersfield
@Dandelion.soup
I think to some degree everyone alters their personality a bit depending on who they are with. For example, I would say that I was quite a shy person, but compared to other people who are shy people might think I am not. I know that if I am around people who are shyer than I am, that I naturally want to put them more at ease, so I can appear more like an extrovert. I also know that if I am around lots of people who are loud and around people who want to talk, and who can carry conversation quite easily, then I can revert to being quite introverted. I would say that I am an ambivert (can sometimes act like an extrovert and can sometimes act like an introvert).
I don’t know if that’s you, but it might be a confidence thing. You might feel more confident when you are in familiar surroundings and with familiar people – you might find it easier to be yourself. Perhaps when you are with new people, it’s not so easy. If this is the case, I think the only way to feel more confident is to get used to being around new people and surroundings – the more you get out of your comfort zone, the easier it will get!
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
I think to some degree everyone alters their personality a bit depending on who they are with. For example, I would say that I was quite a shy person, but compared to other people who are shy people might think I am not. I know that if I am around people who are shyer than I am, that I naturally want to put them more at ease, so I can appear more like an extrovert. I also know that if I am around lots of people who are loud and around people who want to talk, and who can carry conversation quite easily, then I can revert to being quite introverted. I would say that I am an ambivert (can sometimes act like an extrovert and can sometimes act like an introvert).
I don’t know if that’s you, but it might be a confidence thing. You might feel more confident when you are in familiar surroundings and with familiar people – you might find it easier to be yourself. Perhaps when you are with new people, it’s not so easy. If this is the case, I think the only way to feel more confident is to get used to being around new people and surroundings – the more you get out of your comfort zone, the easier it will get!
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
There's real truth to the comfort zone thing and I think that is actually good advice.
Thinking back, the advantage that I had going to university in my mid-20s was that I'd already had a few full time jobs and worked with loads of types of people. I'd also done a stint in bars and even buying back timeshare (that didn't last long because it is a morally bankrupt, evil industry) - by the time I was a student, I was way more 'rounded' than the 18 year olds, just because I'd had years of adjustment in all sorts of circumstances.
It can be hard to put yourself in situations you find uncomfortable, but it is also hugely rewarding.
Original post by Dandelion.soup
Hi, I’ve realised that I tend to change my personality a lot based on who I’m around, and the persona I like best only comes out when I’m around people much shyer than me. This means that a lot of the friends I make aren’t people I love being around. Wondering if anyone else has the same issue and how they deal with this?
Hi,
It's completely normal to change your personality depending on who you are with, I think we all do it to a certain extent but it's important to stay true to yourself as much as possible.
I know personally when I'm with louder, bigger personalities I try to match their energy which isn't truly me as I'm actually a quieter person than people think but the more I become comfortable with a person, the more the true me starts to come out. I think you should try to figure out who the true you really is and then find the people you can be your most authentic self with and stick with them as the truest friends will accept you just the way you are without you needing to alter your personality.
I hope this is of some assistance!
Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep (3rd-year Children's Nursing)
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