Forced marriage

I'm being pressured into a forced marriage. I'm 19 and have been forced to live away from the UK and in Pakistan for the past three years because my parents were worried about me sinning in the UK. I put up with it because I didn't really have a choice and I got my education (A levels) my parents also promised me I could go back for uni. But now they are saying they won't let me go next year unless I get married. They have not allowed me a phone and I don't have a job and I am completely dependent on them financially and otherwise (what they want).
I have dealt with so much over these years and I have really tried to understand them and make them understand but they won't. They say I am easily corrupted by the UK and will end up sinning if I don't marry. I don't know how to make them understand me. I feel so torn and confused I really don't want to stay here where they can control me and emotionally abuse me. But I don't know how I can leave this country either or even how I would live in the UK without them.
I know there is little anyone can do to help but any advice would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

I'm being pressured into a forced marriage. I'm 19 and have been forced to live away from the UK and in Pakistan for the past three years because my parents were worried about me sinning in the UK. I put up with it because I didn't really have a choice and I got my education (A levels) my parents also promised me I could go back for uni. But now they are saying they won't let me go next year unless I get married. They have not allowed me a phone and I don't have a job and I am completely dependent on them financially and otherwise (what they want).
I have dealt with so much over these years and I have really tried to understand them and make them understand but they won't. They say I am easily corrupted by the UK and will end up sinning if I don't marry. I don't know how to make them understand me. I feel so torn and confused I really don't want to stay here where they can control me and emotionally abuse me. But I don't know how I can leave this country either or even how I would live in the UK without them.
I know there is little anyone can do to help but any advice would be appreciated.

Hi,
I understand it must hard situation for you.
There are two things that come to my mind. You can either promise them to get married in the UK, and have to give them valid reasons why you wanna go there (think about it very thoroughly, even ask AI chat to help), and promise them you will never ever sin. Or you can get married in your country and take your wife to the UK. Even though the marriage is forced, it does not mean you have to be married your whole life. Once you will be in the UK and married, you can slowly start claiming back your freedom, and never allow your parents to control you again (which means being financially stable and not dependent on them).

Good luck. :smile:

Reply 2

black tea

19

I'm so sorry you are in this situation, it sounds absolutely awful :hugs:

What your parents are trying to do is illegal. I don't know if this is of any use, but there are some contact details here for organisations that might be able to help (some specifically mention that they can help even if you abroad) - https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/you-co/types-crime/abusive-relationships/forced-marriage/#:~:text=Karma%20Nirvana%20–%20provides%20support%20and,forced%20marriage%3A%200845%20607%200133.

Reply 3

Meheraj

19

Original post by Anonymous #1

I'm being pressured into a forced marriage. I'm 19 and have been forced to live away from the UK and in Pakistan for the past three years because my parents were worried about me sinning in the UK. I put up with it because I didn't really have a choice and I got my education (A levels) my parents also promised me I could go back for uni. But now they are saying they won't let me go next year unless I get married. They have not allowed me a phone and I don't have a job and I am completely dependent on them financially and otherwise (what they want).
I have dealt with so much over these years and I have really tried to understand them and make them understand but they won't. They say I am easily corrupted by the UK and will end up sinning if I don't marry. I don't know how to make them understand me. I feel so torn and confused I really don't want to stay here where they can control me and emotionally abuse me. But I don't know how I can leave this country either or even how I would live in the UK without them.
I know there is little anyone can do to help but any advice would be appreciated.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing an unwanted issue. That's absolutely ridiculous to me. Unfortunately, none of us can do much for you rather than give some advice.

I don't know what's actually wrong with us (South Asians). Why do girls have to get married quickly after crossing 18? I hate this type of mentality a lot even as a boy. Let them settle first, ask them what they want and then let them make a decision rather than doing something forcefully. I reckon you're a Muslim, aren't you? I don't think forced marriage is allowed in Islam. A marriage is a bond that should reunite two individuals according to their preference and willingness. It's not a third party's business. I know most of our parents want the best for us and we need to respect and obey their guidelines. But come on! That doesn't mean they would make every decision on behalf of us against our willingness. We shouldn't let it happen. After a certain period, people become mature and they should let us make our own decisions. I believe you're mature enough to take decisions and it's your call to stand for yourself. Tell your parents that you're not quite ready yet and you want to build a foundation under your feet before getting married (as you said you want to study further). Also, inform them you want to marry a person who you think would be the best for you and keep you happy, unlike any random figures. Assure them you won't make any blunders which can bring disrespect to them. I hope they'll understand your points. If still they force you, then notify them that you're going to take stern steps and they might regret it later. Then, they would be forced to reverse their decision and will let you be independent.

Don't think I'm being manipulative or trying to make the situation worse. I just shared what I think every person deserves to do in their life. You should understand your parents and family. So, try to act in a way that won't do any harm to anyone rather than bringing good for all. May Allah shower his blessings on you and resolve the issue you're struggling with.

Reply 4

-Eirlys-

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

21

Original post by Anonymous

I'm being pressured into a forced marriage. I'm 19 and have been forced to live away from the UK and in Pakistan for the past three years because my parents were worried about me sinning in the UK. I put up with it because I didn't really have a choice and I got my education (A levels) my parents also promised me I could go back for uni. But now they are saying they won't let me go next year unless I get married. They have not allowed me a phone and I don't have a job and I am completely dependent on them financially and otherwise (what they want).
I have dealt with so much over these years and I have really tried to understand them and make them understand but they won't. They say I am easily corrupted by the UK and will end up sinning if I don't marry. I don't know how to make them understand me. I feel so torn and confused I really don't want to stay here where they can control me and emotionally abuse me. But I don't know how I can leave this country either or even how I would live in the UK without them.
I know there is little anyone can do to help but any advice would be appreciated.

You're over 18, you're legally an adult, so you do indeed have a choice over what you do and don't do in your life. However, refusing to do as your family demand can be risky unfortunately and that's what you need to protect yourself against.

Forced marriage is illegal in the UK and is classed as domestic abuse. I'm sorry that they're putting you in this situation, essentially having to choose to stay with your family or lose them, but sadly, that is what has to be done to get away from this situation. It would be your family's loss to lose you as a member because of their ridiculous demands, than vice versa. It is difficult to go against your family but you wouldn't be the first and you certainly won't be the last. If you were in the UK, the police can protect you and remove you from the situation if you wish.

I highly recommend getting a job if you feel that's possible because financial independence is so useful in these situations. Open up your own bank account and get yourself a phone if you feel it would be useful. Don't allow them to treat you like you're still a child. Your parents are intentionally making it so you're completely dependent on them, this is a form of abuse and control. Disregard any comments about how "this is their culture/religion". Abuse is abuse, end of.

I'd recommend contacting VS as they can help you much more than we can with this situation -https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/

Reply 5

ROTL 94

9

Are you a British citizen? I.E. do you have a British passport? If you do I would advise you to contact the British embassy in Pakistan.

Reply 6

londonmyst

19

Always trust your gut instinct and put your own physical safety & ambitions first. :smile:

The laws of Pakistan are very different than the UK but forced marriage is illegal in both countries.
The UK's forced marriage unit can be contacted by email at [email protected] and over the phone, their overseas number is +44 (0)20 7008 0151.

There are different types of legally recognised marriage in Pakistan.
One of which is a proxy marriage system based on paperwork and the presence of a male religious representative.
The proxy marriage system does not require the presence of the bride at the wedding or ask her to say that she consents to marriage- her father or an adult male who is religious signs consent to the marriage on her behalf.

While you are in Pakistan, do not sign anything that your parents ask you to.
Be very suspicious of any community elder or religious leader who comes to see you asking to sign some papers.
It is a common trick of forced marriage for those in favour of it to constantly lie and try to trick the person who has rejected the marriage into signing papers that are visa applications promising to financially support the future spouse or nominating a religious man to attend the marriage ceremony as their representative.

Do you have access to your uk passport or a copy of it that includes your passport number?
Is there any history of violence in your family?
Do you have any relatives with a criminal record (in any country)?
Do you have any friends in the UK or Pakistan who are willing to help you contact the Forced Marriage Unit & UK embassy and assist in paying for you to return to the UK?

Forced marriage

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