Really depends a lot on the personalities of the people involved. Blue, red, and black pill principles are all simultaneously true for different men and women. It also depends on the 'time of the month' apparently, and during pregnancy / following childbirth women are more attracted 'less douchey' but more supportive (blue-pill) men, which is why the whole "I'm a single mum looking for relationship with a stable good guy" has turned into an internet meme.
In my opinion if you want at least a half-decent life, it's a good idea to be aware of black and red pill principles so you know how to recognise and navigate those settings (ideally to avoid them), but work towards surrounding yourself with blue pill people. That's a very superficial way of putting it, and for that reason I rarely use those labels. It's a lot more complex than that. Those labels are also divisive. A lot of women just dismiss 'red pill' as MGTOW / misogyny, let alone admit that their own behaviour and dating standards reflect the 'red pill' mindset, and I don't think most women are even aware of the 'black pill' on the other hand. These labels rarely lead conversations anywhere constructive. They just make people defensive, because like you said they don't like being called 'shallow'.
Also 'red pill' at least advocates that there are some things which men can do to make themselves more attractive to women. 'Black pill' basically says that you're either born with it or not (height being the most common and stereotypical example), and that there is effectively little/nothing you can do about it. So, the more someone is attracted to superficial traits in others, the less you can do anything about it to make yourself more 'attractive' to them. The 'black pill' mindset doesn't even give you a window of opportunity for self-improvement.
In other words... avoid superficial people in general. Be aware of superficial people and how they think and act, so you can avoid them. They won't help improve the quality of your life, as there is likely very little you can do about those things. And avoid settings that evoke 'black pill' / 'red pill' mindsets in men and women, like most dating apps do. Most people know by now that dating apps are a very superficial experience, yet many still use them, and knowingly use them in very superficial ways. Women whom I've known describing their lifestyle this way, do not even realise that they're effectively pigeonholing themselves into the 'black pill' category of behaviour, and yet can't seem to figure out why they repeatedly attract shallow and often misogynistic douchebags. Probably because likes often attract each other, that's why. That's the price of vanity.
'Blue pill' doesn't mean dating obese people with hair growing from the palms of their hands. Those types tend to stick to their own flock anyway. It just means being attracted to people for their personality rather than appearances. A person with a good personality, will take care of themselves, eat right, exercise, shave, etc., and is unlikely to be stereotypically 'ugly' for those reasons. But they're also unlikely to preen themselves in front of the mirror for hours before a date like a normal person would do before a wedding, so they definitely won't be your stereotypical instagram model. Just a normal person. Nothing wrong with that.