My mum has put me off my dream job!
I recently got a great graduate job offer from a top UK company. I am getting a decent salary (30k) and I'm graduating with a first, everything is going swimmingly for me.
I've been thinking of my journey to work which would take 1 h 20 - 1 h 30 minutes each way. I thought this was too much as I would have to wake up earlier than I've ever woken up before. I wanted to live out for the first few months while I settle into my new workplace but my mum is trying to force me to stay at home which would make me unhappy. She tells me it's a waste of money (Asian parents) and promises that she would take me to the station every day thus cutting my journey time down to 1 hour 5 minutes (she also agreed to pick me up). This of course would mean that I sacrifice some social aspects as well as no gym on weekdays. But 1 hour 5 is more doable.... Whether she can keep up with her promises is another story but she usually does.
But my mum is spewing so much propaganda and giving me horror stories about renting places that I am totally put off by living out. She also wants me to save money so I can buy my own house. At the same time I feel that I will be unhappy living at home due to the longer commute and I won't enjoy myself.
Now I am put off working for this company because I don't know what the **** to do. It is my mum who has ruined the experience because she being Asian and protective would rather me save money and stay at home rather than live closer. I would like to save money though... but the office is a journey from east to west....
Also, I've verbally agreed to share a flat with 2 of my new work colleagues and it's been 2 weeks into the discussion, would it be rude to just tell them I want out and to commute from home? This is another dilemma i'm facing.
I think I'm in a position where my mum has put me under so much pressure that I would just turn down this job, which is unheard of for this kind of company. I am going insane because I have no idea what to do!!!
Am I overreacting? What can I do?
I've been thinking of my journey to work which would take 1 h 20 - 1 h 30 minutes each way. I thought this was too much as I would have to wake up earlier than I've ever woken up before. I wanted to live out for the first few months while I settle into my new workplace but my mum is trying to force me to stay at home which would make me unhappy. She tells me it's a waste of money (Asian parents) and promises that she would take me to the station every day thus cutting my journey time down to 1 hour 5 minutes (she also agreed to pick me up). This of course would mean that I sacrifice some social aspects as well as no gym on weekdays. But 1 hour 5 is more doable.... Whether she can keep up with her promises is another story but she usually does.
But my mum is spewing so much propaganda and giving me horror stories about renting places that I am totally put off by living out. She also wants me to save money so I can buy my own house. At the same time I feel that I will be unhappy living at home due to the longer commute and I won't enjoy myself.
Now I am put off working for this company because I don't know what the **** to do. It is my mum who has ruined the experience because she being Asian and protective would rather me save money and stay at home rather than live closer. I would like to save money though... but the office is a journey from east to west....
Also, I've verbally agreed to share a flat with 2 of my new work colleagues and it's been 2 weeks into the discussion, would it be rude to just tell them I want out and to commute from home? This is another dilemma i'm facing.
I think I'm in a position where my mum has put me under so much pressure that I would just turn down this job, which is unheard of for this kind of company. I am going insane because I have no idea what to do!!!
Am I overreacting? What can I do?
Scroll to see replies
Mum seems controlling. Do what you would have done without her interference.
Original post by Anonymous
X
Your mum's opinion is relevant because?
You've graduated uni-you SHOULD be moving out.
if you don't mind me asking whats your job and how old are you?
Lmao, my maa is also like this (I'm Asian too), but the only difference is that I'm still applying for jobs and if ever they are far from home she says I should commute 
Renting a property when you don't have to can seriously set you back on the property ladder (£1,100 a month is no joke) so I see why your mum wants you home. If you did want to stay out later than usual, an Uber ride back home is always going to be cheaper than rent. If you can realistically save for a deposit in your area in the next 2 years by staying at home, stay home.
If the real reason is that your mother is controlling as high hell and you need some time to yourself, move out with your colleagues
If the real reason is that your mother is controlling as high hell and you need some time to yourself, move out with your colleagues
Original post by swirly
just stunt on her.
eventually, if you stunt on someone enough, they give in to your ways.
@SA-1 pls confirm.
eventually, if you stunt on someone enough, they give in to your ways.
@SA-1 pls confirm.
Prank gone wrong, gone sexual
Original post by Another
Renting a property when you don't have to can seriously set you back on the property ladder (£1,100 a month is no joke) so I see why your mum wants you home. If you did want to stay out later than usual, an Uber ride back home is always going to be cheaper than rent. If you can realistically save for a deposit in your area in the next 2 years by staying at home, stay home.
If the real reason is that your mother is controlling as high hell and you need some time to yourself, move out with your colleagues
If the real reason is that your mother is controlling as high hell and you need some time to yourself, move out with your colleagues
My mum insists that I save money for my own property and then become my own landlord (would take 2 years to save for deposit). I would like that as it's good income.
I just don't know if that is worth missing out on social life though and having to commute 2-3 hours a day. I keep arguing over this with my mum and it's doing my head in!!!
Thoughts?
How about you grow a spine, tell her to bugger off and mind her own business. You have what many grads envy, an actual decent job. Tell the old bat to bugger off. In fact, tell her would you rather you being laid on her couch eating ice cream all day long.
Original post by Anonymous
My mum insists that I save money for my own property and then become my own landlord (would take 2 years to save for deposit). I would like that as it's good income.
I just don't know if that is worth missing out on social life though and having to commute 2-3 hours a day. I keep arguing over this with my mum and it's doing my head in!!!
Thoughts?
I just don't know if that is worth missing out on social life though and having to commute 2-3 hours a day. I keep arguing over this with my mum and it's doing my head in!!!
Thoughts?
You're probably going to be at your job for 5 years, after which you'll move on to a bigger and better company and spend minimal contact with your current colleagues. In comparison, buying a 3 bedroom house and renting the other two rooms (or renting all three, then rent elsewhere for cheaper) seems like the more sensible long term option. Putting it this way, I wouldn't spend over £1k a month for a marginally better social life. House deposit money looks a lot like the better option to me, and 2 years will just fly by. After which, you can be as social to your heart's content
If you're willing to take taxi rides home, you're never going to rack up enough bills within a month that would equate to rent. You get a social life, and you save some money
That commute is done by a lot of people, and isn't so bad really! You might have to sacrifice some of your personal time, but your mum is right, renting is a huge and expensive hassle. If you want to do it, go for it! You will gain freedom and some of that time back but your mum's logic is undeniable.
Original post by Another
You're probably going to be at your job for 5 years, after which you'll move on to a bigger and better company and spend minimal contact with your current colleagues. In comparison, buying a 3 bedroom house and renting the other two rooms (or renting all three, then rent elsewhere for cheaper) seems like the more sensible long term option. Putting it this way, I wouldn't spend over £1k a month for a marginally better social life. House deposit money looks a lot like the better option to me, and 2 years will just fly by. After which, you can be as social to your heart's content
If you're willing to take taxi rides home, you're never going to rack up enough bills within a month that would equate to rent. You get a social life, and you save some money
If you're willing to take taxi rides home, you're never going to rack up enough bills within a month that would equate to rent. You get a social life, and you save some money
I would like to save money and the rent will cost me well over a grand as I would need to find my own food and stuff.
The problem with the commute is that I need two trains (each 20-35 mins) a walk in between trains and then a walk to the office (that is if my mum does take me to the station every day, if not then i need a bus from home to the first station). Does the fact that I need to interchange at least once, still make it doable?
Original post by Anonymous
I would like to save money and the rent will cost me well over a grand as I would need to find my own food and stuff.
The problem with the commute is that I need two trains (each 20-35 mins) a walk in between trains and then a walk to the office (that is if my mum does take me to the station every day, if not then i need a bus from home to the first station). Does the fact that I need to interchange at least once, still make it doable?
The problem with the commute is that I need two trains (each 20-35 mins) a walk in between trains and then a walk to the office (that is if my mum does take me to the station every day, if not then i need a bus from home to the first station). Does the fact that I need to interchange at least once, still make it doable?
what do you work as? I'm also an asian btw
Original post by Anonymous
what do you work as? I'm also an asian btw
Can't say on here...
Are you in a similar position as me with the commute/saving money decision?
So you would say that living out is worth it even though it may delay me by at least a year from being able to afford my own house?
I will consider moving out for the first year, while I settle into my new job. After that I will try to get a job nearer to home that pays higher (unless I get a promotion) and then i will stay at home and commute. Good idea?
IMO, don't rent! Asians basically control the housing market in the UK (mainly Pakistani and Chinese). They don't rent! Renting is a hassle. Just save up for a deposit, whilst living at home. Believe me.
Original post by Anonymous
IMO, don't rent! Asians basically control the housing market in the UK (mainly Pakistani and Chinese). They don't rent! Renting is a hassle. Just save up for a deposit, whilst living at home. Believe me.
Reckon I can do a 1 hour 20 minute commute each day though? Have to wake up at 6am :/
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