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Please help...[long distance relationship]
Hello,
I have recently finished my degree at the University of Manchester and I have moved back up to Scotland to pursue my career of becoming a pilot.
I had a girlfriend in Manchester for 2 and a half years, and I loved her to bits. I never fully trusted her however because she was always very friendly with her male friends, and often paid more attention to them than me when we were out in a nightclub for example or round at a bbq.
We have split up because we now live so far apart and it was going well until a couple of nights ago when i got these gut feelings that she had done something to hurt me, you could possibly call it intuition...
Then again yesterday we were texting each other then she didn't reply again until this morning, i have subsequently found out that she was at the cinema with one of her male friends who she has slept with in the past, and i know that he fancies her.
I want to know what to do about me and her, do i stay friends because i am being stupid or do i break contact with her?
I have recently finished my degree at the University of Manchester and I have moved back up to Scotland to pursue my career of becoming a pilot.
I had a girlfriend in Manchester for 2 and a half years, and I loved her to bits. I never fully trusted her however because she was always very friendly with her male friends, and often paid more attention to them than me when we were out in a nightclub for example or round at a bbq.
We have split up because we now live so far apart and it was going well until a couple of nights ago when i got these gut feelings that she had done something to hurt me, you could possibly call it intuition...
Then again yesterday we were texting each other then she didn't reply again until this morning, i have subsequently found out that she was at the cinema with one of her male friends who she has slept with in the past, and i know that he fancies her.
I want to know what to do about me and her, do i stay friends because i am being stupid or do i break contact with her?
If you've split up with each other then your ex probably feels free to go out with other guys, and isn't intentionally doing it to hurt you. If you and her are now 'just friends' then you have to accept that you're no longer seeing her as your girlfriend, and so she's free to do whatever she wants with other guys. It's hard, but you're gonna have to accept it...
You are very right, i do have to accept it, and it is very hard.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
awww... 
I know it's hard. I've just split up with my boyfriend and I know I'd feel the same as you if I saw him with anyone else. Hopefully it's something that'll simply get better with time...
I know it's hard. I've just split up with my boyfriend and I know I'd feel the same as you if I saw him with anyone else. Hopefully it's something that'll simply get better with time...
Why did you split up with him? Were you together for a long time?
mankyscot2
Why did you split up with him? Were you together for a long time?
We were only together five months, so not as long as you and your girlfriend, but because he was the first guy I've ever fallen in love with, it's really hard trying to move on.
We both put so much into our relationship and tried so hard to make it special, but in the end it was us becoming kinda obsessed with each other and neglecting other areas of our lives that tore us apart.
That is a shame, i'm sorry to hear that.
I don't mind moving on, I just don't like feeling like crap, if she has been with another guy already then I will feel like I have been cheated in a way.
And also since I have moved up to Scotland all my friends have moved away and I am very lonely. I have been so happy for over 2 years now and I just feel like I want to go back in time and do it again just so I am happy.
I don't mind moving on, I just don't like feeling like crap, if she has been with another guy already then I will feel like I have been cheated in a way.
And also since I have moved up to Scotland all my friends have moved away and I am very lonely. I have been so happy for over 2 years now and I just feel like I want to go back in time and do it again just so I am happy.
mankyscot2
That is a shame, i'm sorry to hear that.
I don't mind moving on, I just don't like feeling like crap, if she has been with another guy already then I will feel like I have been cheated in a way.
And also since I have moved up to Scotland all my friends have moved away and I am very lonely. I have been so happy for over 2 years now and I just feel like I want to go back in time and do it again just so I am happy.
I don't mind moving on, I just don't like feeling like crap, if she has been with another guy already then I will feel like I have been cheated in a way.
And also since I have moved up to Scotland all my friends have moved away and I am very lonely. I have been so happy for over 2 years now and I just feel like I want to go back in time and do it again just so I am happy.
she might not be moving on - you said that she had lots of male friends when you were going out anyway, so she may just be turning to her friends now for support.
maybe you should look at moving somewhere else and starting something else new to make you happy. things'll get better, either way!
As the other person said, technically she has done nothing wrong.
Its very easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you want her back, when really what you want is the security of the relationship back. If i was ever told something, or two things actually that really worked in healing a break up, it was that
a) it really does get easier with time and
b) you need lots of friends around you, which is where i think you need to either find somebody you can spend lots of time with, can you go and see your family?
It might be a while before you can start seeing other girls, but obviously she finds this easier than you do. However, maybe she is spending time with him because as i said, you need friends around you.
You might think you want her back, but what was wrong with the relationship? Why did it end? Try to focus on these points and you might actually realise what you did was for the best, no relationship that is making you feel bad is one worth having.
I honestly do feel for you as i know it is so hard, because your entire lives were based around each other, thats why you need to spend time doing things, keeping busy, and you will start to get over her in time.
You say you don't know wether to break contact with her? Maybe its best to do that at the moment, until the time comes where she can tell you she's been with somebody else, and it doesn't hurt as much, because it will always hurt, let me tell you.
Please, please keep busy, and cry if you need to cry, don't hide anything. I'm here to talk to, i know it doesn't help much, but talking to somebody, even if its someone you've never met, is better than talking to nobody.
Its very easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you want her back, when really what you want is the security of the relationship back. If i was ever told something, or two things actually that really worked in healing a break up, it was that
a) it really does get easier with time and
b) you need lots of friends around you, which is where i think you need to either find somebody you can spend lots of time with, can you go and see your family?
It might be a while before you can start seeing other girls, but obviously she finds this easier than you do. However, maybe she is spending time with him because as i said, you need friends around you.
You might think you want her back, but what was wrong with the relationship? Why did it end? Try to focus on these points and you might actually realise what you did was for the best, no relationship that is making you feel bad is one worth having.
I honestly do feel for you as i know it is so hard, because your entire lives were based around each other, thats why you need to spend time doing things, keeping busy, and you will start to get over her in time.
You say you don't know wether to break contact with her? Maybe its best to do that at the moment, until the time comes where she can tell you she's been with somebody else, and it doesn't hurt as much, because it will always hurt, let me tell you.
Please, please keep busy, and cry if you need to cry, don't hide anything. I'm here to talk to, i know it doesn't help much, but talking to somebody, even if its someone you've never met, is better than talking to nobody.
Thank you, that is very kind. Maybe I should stop being such a pussy, and get on with my life instead of wasting precious time thinking about her.
Damn I hate her at the minute. Why does she have to be so good looking when I think about her.
Damn I hate her at the minute. Why does she have to be so good looking when I think about her.
mankyscot2
Thank you, that is very kind. Maybe I should stop being such a pussy, and get on with my life instead of wasting precious time thinking about her.
Damn I hate her at the minute. Why does she have to be so good looking when I think about her.
Damn I hate her at the minute. Why does she have to be so good looking when I think about her.
Because thats life mate! Stop it, GET OVER IT!!
I'm not being a bitch i'm trying to help you btw, haha
She's probably on the rebound just like you. People on the rebound tend to feel like crap when they find out that ex has gone out on the rebound, its part of the process. Don't worry you'll get over her, Life goes on.
mankyscot2
You are very right, i do have to accept it, and it is very hard.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
Why did you break up with her?
I don't quite understand - you broke up with her because she was out with her ex-bf (I presume it was her ex considering they slept together?) - or did you break up with her and then she went out with her ex/male friend?
Either way she's done nothing wrong - having an outing with an ex isn't necessarily betraying you - and if this is after you broke up with her, all the more reason why you shouldn't be angry cus she has no commitment to you anymore.
break ups are hard - don't worry about it things like this takes time. It's ok to hurt and it's ok to take time - but trust me eventually, the pain does go away 
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