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I fancy one of my students

I've created this account just on the basis of this, as I literally can't have my say anywhere else.
I'm 41 year's old, and I teach at a highly valued university. I am a respectable man, I've been married for 12 years, but haven't had the desire to have children with my wife, despite caring for her.
I have been in love with a student for 3 years now, and it really is becoming unbearable. She is incredibly intelligent, and extremely beautiful (although I would say this), and everytime I see her and she smiles it feels amazing on the inside.
She is 23 now, so it's nothing what you may say is stereotypically "thick", because whereas if I was a secondary school teacher, it would be a different case.
What do I do?

Reply 1

TinFish

10

Troll? It's obvious what the answer is. I don't think you can pursue a relationship or anything else without risking your job.

Reply 2

A-W-H

13

Unless your one of the teachers "the girls seem to like" if you get me, I still doubt, you have the chance. Failure situation -you looking an ********, her avoiding you completely, aswell as losing your wife and job.

Reply 3

squishymarshmellow

3 years? surely she'll be graduating soon and you won't have to see her again?

Reply 4

happyeverafterbelle

Well I know of one lecturer this happened to and he divorced his wife (after having an affair) and is now married to the student.
Quite a beautiful story...

Reply 5

bittersweet.poetry

1

If this is a serious post, then I'd say leave well alone and resist any urges you have.
You say you are a 'respectable' man, so stick by that statement.

Reply 6

computersaysnooooo

13

A lecturer on my course had an affair with a student that started on a field trip years ago, don't go there, it won't last because you have your life made more or less- education done, family, job and all that kind of stuff, whereas she's just about to finish uni, and go through all that so you'll be ruining the life of your family as well as taking a step back twenty years.
Aand imagine the reality, would you like to go out one night with her friends and could you imagine her going out with your friends?

Reply 7

LazyWorseThanInfidel

14

she will be gone soon then your can forget

control yourself you naughty man

Reply 8

User129003

11

B9876

I've created this account just on the basis of this, as I literally can't have my say anywhere else.
I'm 41 year's old, and I teach at a highly valued university. I am a respectable man, I've been married for 12 years, but haven't had the desire to have children with my wife, despite caring for her.
I have been in love with a student for 3 years now, and it really is becoming unbearable. She is incredibly intelligent, and extremely beautiful (although I would say this), and everytime I see her and she smiles it feels amazing on the inside.
She is 23 now, so it's nothing what you may say is stereotypically "thick", because whereas if I was a secondary school teacher, it would be a different case.
What do I do?

You re 41 years old time to grow up

Reply 9

common-hope

It really depends on how your student feels about you. I think some of the posters on this site are the ones who need to grow up.

When she graduates, it is your choice and her choice what you want to do. She is not a child and nor are you. It is legal once she has left, you will not risk your job.

But if your relationship with your wife is not working, then that is a more pressing issue that needs to get sorted before you think about being with any one else. The first descision you need to make is whether you want to be with her or not. If you are not commited to your marriage anymore, then you need to cut your self free and have the guts to do that rather then drag things out with her.

Once you have sorted that, then you can think about other women.
After all, at 41, your not that old, still have feelings and you can't help who you like.

Reply 10

ozzyoscy

21

I think you should give her a caning.

P.S. Wrong forum. :colonhash:

Reply 11

B9876

OP

ozzyoscy

I think you should give her a caning.

P.S. Wrong forum. :colonhash:

And I'm supposed to be the "naughty man"....?

Reply 12

B9876

OP

common-hope

It really depends on how your student feels about you. I think some of the posters on this site are the ones who need to grow up.

When she graduates, it is your choice and her choice what you want to do. She is not a child and nor are you. It is legal once she has left, you will not risk your job.

But if your relationship with your wife is not working, then that is a more pressing issue that needs to get sorted before you think about being with any one else. The first descision you need to make is whether you want to be with her or not. If you are not commited to your marriage anymore, then you need to cut your self free and have the guts to do that rather then drag things out with her.

Once you have sorted that, then you can think about other women.
After all, at 41, your not that old, still have feelings and you can't help who you like.

Yes I do agree with the situation with my wife. I think it's a matter of being together for the sake of it. I do think I'm going to wait until she graduates, and possibly say something :confused:

Reply 13

B9876

OP

Atomic Tundra

You're 41 years old time to grow up

Hardly. 41 isn't old, although I imagine you being in your 20's I'd be classed as an old man.

Reply 14

User129003

11

B9876

Hardly. 41 isn't old, although I imagine you being in your 20's I'd be classed as an old man.

I dont its wise getting with a 20-something who you will forget after a couple of months and risk your marriage

Reply 15

common-hope

B9876

Yes I do agree with the situation with my wife. I think it's a matter of being together for the sake of it. I do think I'm going to wait until she graduates, and possibly say something :confused:

I think this is the right course of action. :yep:

But don't wait and see what your student says before you do something about your marriage. I think that you should talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. It will be tough and sad, but the sh** will really hit the fan if there is an implication of a thrid party involved in the breakdown of your marriage, trust me on this. :woo:

My advice would be, don't tell your wife that you have feelings for someone else.
If you really love her (your student) and your intentions are not just about lust, then you have to proove that you really are available, not just looking for an escape from your marriage.

Going about this situation in a dignified manner will ensure you get a dignified result. You don't need to be the villan if you do things the Right Way. :smile:

Reply 16

rowe1992

1

I thought this was the student room?

Not the trolling perv society...

Reply 17

B9876

OP

common-hope

I think this is the right course of action. :yep:

But don't wait and see what your student says before you do something about your marriage. I think that you should talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. It will be tough and sad, but the sh** will really hit the fan if there is an implication of a thrid party involved in the breakdown of your marriage, trust me on this. :woo:

My advice would be, don't tell your wife that you have feelings for someone else.
If you really love her (your student) and your intentions are not just about lust, then you have to proove that you really are available, not just looking for an escape from your marriage.

Going about this situation in a dignified manner will ensure you get a dignified result. You don't need to be the villan if you do things the Right Way. :smile:

Thanks for your advice. I'm going to speak to my wife in the next few days, and sort things out in the next few weeks. After we have had a formal discussion, possibly living seperately, I will speak my mind to my love, and see what happens from there.