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He wears a necklace his ex bought him. Would you be ok with that?

Hi everyone :smile:

This is my first thread so I apologise if I mess up somehow :p:

Basically, I've just started seeing this great guy, we were getting together for months until it became official, i've known him for 6 years and he's always been one of my best friends. However, the girl he was last with gave him one of those dog tag type things which he wears on a chain. She said he should only ever take it off if he no longer sees her as a friend. He's a total softy with things like this, but it winds me up everytime I see it. I used to quite like it and found it sexy, until I found out the meaning behind it and now I just cringe when I see it and get upset.

Do you think i'm over reacting? I haven't mentioned anything to him about it because I don't want to look like a psycho girlfriend! However all my girl friends think i'm right to feel this way :confused:

Do you think I should say something? Is it too rude for me to ask him to take it off? It's not like she even treated him in a nice way!

Anyone had any similar experiences? Any advice would be really be appreciated :smile:

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Reply 1

LoveDuck

Hmmmmm......

Is he still close to her?
Because if they're still quite good friends, then i don't think it's so bad.

However, if they hardly speak anymore then it looks like he's just pining after her :s-smilie:

.

I dunno.
Maybe you should just by him a nice necklace and see if he starts wearing that one more than he does his other one.

If he doesn't, and he's chosing to wear the one his ex bought him over yours on a regular basis...
Then you have a problem :p:

But at the end of the day, he's with you now.
Not her.
So i don't think it's the end of the world :smile:

Reply 2

Ilora-Danon

My boyfriend stopped wearing the necklace and ring his ex gave him when they broke up.

Now he wears the necklace I bought him.

I'd hate to see him wearing something from his past -IMO it should stay in the past.

Have you told him how upsetting you find it? Alternatively, buy him something to replace it with.

Reply 3

andy5788

I still wear a watch my ex bought me for my 18th. It's a nice watch. It means nothing more than that...

Reply 4

Lilrascal19

Depends how much it means to him personally...

If it was me... I'd be angry, I got angry with my ex because he had a CD in his car that his ex had made him :smile:

And I think he still wears a ring on his necklace that I got him :rolleyes:

I dunno.

(a cd looool... Arghh I do crack myself up)

Reply 5

Indieboohoo

Buy him a necklace similar so he can wear your instead of hers

Reply 6

charlotte-rose

andy5788

I still wear a watch my ex bought me for my 18th. It's a nice watch. It means nothing more than that...

This!

Reply 7

JAKstriked

Do you want him to burn all old clothes too? It's just a necklace, why get rid of free bling?

Reply 8

charlotte-rose

Lilrascal19

Depends how much it means to him personally...

If it was me... I'd be angry, I got angry with my ex because he had a CD in his car that his ex had made him :smile:

And I think he still wears a ring on his necklace that I got him :rolleyes:

I dunno.

(a cd looool... Arghh I do crack myself up)

... Wow :|
Lucky, lucky guy :yep:

Reply 9

vander Beth

If they were still friends, I would be fine with it.

Reply 10

username234673

Dude likes his necklace, just let it be. Stop seeing his girlie mates as a threat. :smile:

Reply 11

Ewan

Christ your totally over reacting, it's just a necklace!

Reply 12

12345Bulletin

Hmmm hard to say.
If they are still good friends and she asked him to keep it on as a sign of their friendship then I think it shows character that he's wearing it. Or as other people say, he probably just likes the dog tags!

However, some people do hang on to things like that, especially jewellery, as a semantic, symbolic attachment. For example my ex admitted a year after we split up that that was the reason why he wore the necklace I got him on a regular basis.

Reply 13

andy5788

Bloke buys you necklace. You break up.

Do you chuck the necklace, or stop wearing it, even if it's really nice?

Reply 14

TheSownRose

I wouldn't be ok with him wearing a necklace...

Seriously, it'd be a bit uncomfortable but the past doesn't disappear because we move on from it. If he likes the necklace, just grow up and let him wear it.

Reply 15

Disconfigured

I wear the necklace my ex brought me; I don't see the problem with it. I like it, even if I don't like him anymore. I don't expect any future boyfriends to tell me not to wear it! If they don't want me to wear it; they should buy me a new one which I can wear instead (:
Grow up; it isn't a big deal.

Reply 16

linkdapink

I made my boyfriend get rid of all the stupid things he got from his ex - teddy bears etc. But I'm not gonna chuck out the iPod shuffle my first boyfriend got me (though I did take a charm off my bracelet which another boyfriend got me... I should really sell that on ebay!). If my boyfriends ex's got him anything decent, I wouldn't have a problem with those things.

Although the other day, my boyfriend asked me to pick out a shirt for him to wear, and when I picked it out he said "that's the one I was wearing when I met Becki" in a way just to "let me know" to which I replied "she has good taste" and made him wear it. It shouldn't bother you what they were doing with their ex's cos he's with you now!

EDIT: I threw away most jewellry stuff from my ex's too (or lost it! oops!) and it was just my choice because I didn't want to be reminded of them. And to be honest, most of it was horrible unless I specifically told them what I wanted.

Reply 17

*Star*Guitar*

Anonymous

She said he should only ever take it off if he no longer sees her as a friend. I used to quite like it and found it sexy, until I found out the meaning behind it and now I just cringe when I see it and get upset.

I agree with someone else, that it depends on the meaning. That is a bit of a retarded thing for his ex to say - wearing that necklace proves their friendship? Give me a break. If he wants to take the damn thing off then he should be able to. I understand a bit, even if he was naked but still wearing the necklace it would be a bit of a smack in the face with that 'meaning'. Its not like it was just another Christmas gift.

Its not like if a guy had a problem with the diamond ring my boyf got me for one of my birthdays. Its just a ring and I choose when to wear it, there's not really any more meaning to it.

I don't expect anyone to get rid of sentimental things - just put them in a box where I don't have to see them and look at them in your own time!

Like Ilora said, buy him a new necklace! :p:

Reply 18

femme

Its a necklace, he probably likes it? If a new boyfriend told be to stop wearing something my ex boyfriend bought me id tell him where to go.
You're with him now not her.

Reply 19

sam.day

Tough one! I'm a total hypocrite, I wear aftershave from one ex, clothes from a couple of others - actually much of the stuff I own is from a couple of long term girlfriends.

The trick is to keep it in the past. Much stuff is just "stuff", I barely relate my favourite bag to my ex, it's just my bag. I would never tell a new girlfriend about where I got it, it's my personal past and it's staying there.

On the other hand, I used to be really agitated and pissed off when my girlfriend mentioned that certain things reminded her of their old boyfriends... my last girlfriend wore a ring from an ex, and I hated it but never said anything.

I think at some point, either when you grow up a bit or get really serious with someone, you do consider their feelings and either keep your past private or do away with it. If I was your bloke I'd be taking that necklace off, it's almost a massive statement that he's keeping his options open. There's literally nothing wrong if it's just decent jewellery and want to keep it, but if it's related to this promise he's made to his ex, it's plain bad. I'm sure he'd be able to tell her that while they are still friends, he has someone else to think about now and it's silly to hold onto old promises. my best mate wears his ex-girlfriend's hairband around his wrist even though he doesn't want to be with her. I'd say it's just hurtful for the other party, as you're basically saying "I still think about you". Why do that.