I have a crush on my boyfriend's friend.

Anon or delete please, mods. :smile:

I've been with my boyfriend a while (just over a year) and it's been going really well, aside from one thing. I've always got on really well with one of his friends; we always end up chatting at parties, talking on Facebook and we've gone out for drinks together a few times. We have a lot in common and lately I've realised that I'm attracted to him. I find myself staying up late talking to him online or texting him, which isn't something I normally do with people unless I like them.

I'm pretty sure he sees me as a friend and nothing more, and even if he did have feelings for me it would be irrelevant because I would never dream of cheating on my boyfriend. I know these feelings are nothing compared to what I feel for my boyfriend; I love him and I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardise our relationship. But I can't deny that I am attracted to this other guy, even though it's nowhere near to the same extent as I am to my boyfriend.

Should I stop being friends with this guy? I really like him as a friend and he's quite sensitive so he might take it personally if I just start being aloof and ignoring him, especially as he probably has no idea that I have a crush on him. And is it normal to develop a bit of a crush on someone else when you've been with someone a while or is it a sign that there's something wrong with my relationship? I'm so confused. :s-smilie:

Reply 1

OLawyer

12

Original post by Anonymous

Anon or delete please, mods. :smile:

I've been with my boyfriend a while (just over a year) and it's been going really well, aside from one thing. I've always got on really well with one of his friends; we always end up chatting at parties, talking on Facebook and we've gone out for drinks together a few times. We have a lot in common and lately I've realised that I'm attracted to him. I find myself staying up late talking to him online or texting him, which isn't something I normally do with people unless I like them.

I'm pretty sure he sees me as a friend and nothing more, and even if he did have feelings for me it would be irrelevant because I would never dream of cheating on my boyfriend. I know these feelings are nothing compared to what I feel for my boyfriend; I love him and I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardise our relationship. But I can't deny that I am attracted to this other guy, even though it's nowhere near to the same extent as I am to my boyfriend.

Should I stop being friends with this guy? I really like him as a friend and he's quite sensitive so he might take it personally if I just start being aloof and ignoring him, especially as he probably has no idea that I have a crush on him. And is it normal to develop a bit of a crush on someone else when you've been with someone a while or is it a sign that there's something wrong with my relationship? I'm so confused. :s-smilie:

You posted this the other day. Why do you re-post?

Reply 2

r_n_b_crazi

Annoying a friend vs end of a relationship.

Your choice.

Reply 3

Derfel

14

First things first, don't tell your boyfriend or your friend, even if it's "I like him, but I'd never leave you" as it will just lead to problems and paranoia on his part.

Don't ignore your friend completely, but try spending less time with him and more time with your boyfriend, try to balance it out a bit so it doesn't seem as if you're completely avoiding your friend, quite a few people have developed crushes on people whilst they've been in relationships so it's nothing to worry about too much, it happens. Give it some time to see how you feel after spending less time with your friend, the extra time with your boyfriend might even bring you two even closer.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by OLawyer

You posted this the other day. Why do you re-post?

Must have been someone else; I haven't seen that thread. I doubt this is a very rare theme on TSR to be quite honest.

Original post by Derfel

First things first, don't tell your boyfriend or your friend, even if it's "I like him, but I'd never leave you" as it will just lead to problems and paranoia on his part.

Don't worry, I have absolutely no intention of doing that whatsoever. It's cheesy but I'd never do anything to hurt my boyfriend.

Don't ignore your friend completely, but try spending less time with him and more time with your boyfriend, try to balance it out a bit so it doesn't seem as if you're completely avoiding your friend, quite a few people have developed crushes on people whilst they've been in relationships so it's nothing to worry about too much, it happens. Give it some time to see how you feel after spending less time with your friend, the extra time with your boyfriend might even bring you two even closer.

Thanks, I'll definitely do this. :smile:

I think I've been talking to friend more because my boyfriend's been away in Chile for almost a month, so I've not been able to talk to him more than once/twice a week when he can get internet access. He's coming home in two days so hopefully seeing him again will help me forget about being attracted to someone else.

Reply 5

kws77

Original post by Anonymous

Anon or delete please, mods. :smile:

I've been with my boyfriend a while (just over a year) and it's been going really well, aside from one thing. I've always got on really well with one of his friends; we always end up chatting at parties, talking on Facebook and we've gone out for drinks together a few times. We have a lot in common and lately I've realised that I'm attracted to him. I find myself staying up late talking to him online or texting him, which isn't something I normally do with people unless I like them.

I'm pretty sure he sees me as a friend and nothing more, and even if he did have feelings for me it would be irrelevant because I would never dream of cheating on my boyfriend. I know these feelings are nothing compared to what I feel for my boyfriend; I love him and I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardise our relationship. But I can't deny that I am attracted to this other guy, even though it's nowhere near to the same extent as I am to my boyfriend.

Should I stop being friends with this guy? I really like him as a friend and he's quite sensitive so he might take it personally if I just start being aloof and ignoring him, especially as he probably has no idea that I have a crush on him. And is it normal to develop a bit of a crush on someone else when you've been with someone a while or is it a sign that there's something wrong with my relationship? I'm so confused. :s-smilie:

Been through something similar myself. I think he likes you too.

Random song post.

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, I'll definitely do this. :smile:

I think I've been talking to friend more because my boyfriend's been away in Chile for almost a month, so I've not been able to talk to him more than once/twice a week when he can get internet access. He's coming home in two days so hopefully seeing him again will help me forget about being attracted to someone else.

Ah this you didn't mention, soon as he gets back spend more time with him, the crush will dissapear, it's most probably that you've been missing him and wanted to fill the void.

Reply 8

Lamptastic

14

Crushes fade-especially when you already love your bf and would never allow yourself to cheat.

Perhaps distance yourself from him for a while so this crush wears off.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the responses, guys; I feel like less of a bad person now. :smile:

I'm going to spend more time with my boyfriend when he gets home on Sunday and distance myself a bit from the other guy, and definitely not go for a drink or a coffee with just him and me anymore. I think if I only see him in a big group of people it will be easier to minimise contact with him without seeming like a bitch.

Reply 10

DLJ

13

Threesome

.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by DLJ

Threesome

.

Aha, I don't think boyfriend would be all too happy about the idea of having a 2-men-1-woman threesome. If I was attracted to one of his female friends then this could have been an option.

Reply 12

OLawyer

12

Original post by Anonymous

Aha, I don't think boyfriend would be all too happy about the idea of having a 2-men-1-woman threesome. If I was attracted to one of his female friends then this could have been an option.

If your boyfriend said yes to the threesome plan, would you do it? (You, your bf, and the friend you have a crush on). Im curious to know

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by OLawyer

If your boyfriend said yes to the threesome plan, would you do it? (You, your bf, and the friend you have a crush on). Im curious to know

Probably not with that specific person as it would probably end up exacerbating my feelings for him. I'd probably want to because the idea of having sex with two people I find attractive at once is appealing, of course it is, but it would be a very bad idea in the long run so I don't think I'd do it.

Reply 14

Sherkba

3

Original post by Anonymous

Probably not with that specific person as it would probably end up exacerbating my feelings for him. I'd probably want to because the idea of having sex with two people I find attractive at once is appealing, of course it is, but it would be a very bad idea in the long run so I don't think I'd do it.

So this thread is basically about ''I have a bf but am attracted to someone else, but would never act on it''.

Like 99% of people in relationships.

Reply 15

sassy123

17

You are young do not be tied down but i think this is will end messy.

Reply 16

DLJ

13

Original post by Anonymous

Aha, I don't think boyfriend would be all too happy about the idea of having a 2-men-1-woman threesome. If I was attracted to one of his female friends then this could have been an option.

Well then get one of your female friends involved :sexface:

.

Reply 17

Chillaxer

15

Threesome idea is terrible. It sounds like he may be more horny for you than you think, and in love poss, he wouldn't spend the time he does if he wasn't. None of us are saints, my advice is it could be fantastic. Try these e.g's, only suggestions but you can make them up

You have to think seriously about being with one person for a long time/forever
Getting old and settled, might be the end of all my admirers(!)

etc etc

I am serious, I think you should talk to him one night, make time for it, and say you need someone to talk to, make a premise for it, then surprise him and switch it. Be bold, and do something sexy like fingers on his chest and pout with wide eyes or squeeze his thigh.
Tell him you care

(edited 12 years ago)

I have a crush on my boyfriend's friend.

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