Do your parents shout at and call you names?

My mother just had a go at me, shouting, swearing and slamming a door in my face...because I asked her not to butt in when on the phone. I was making plans for going out and she was criticisingly offering her 'opinion' on what I should and shouldn't be doing. Christ, I'm 20 and can make my own decisions.

So what's your relationship with your parents like? Do they shout at you/call you names etc?

Reply 1

OSI

That's parents, but I am sure there is more to the story than what you offer.
Just grit your teeth.

Reply 2

gypsyclimber

12

Unfortunately yes, always have, probably always will. But it's only because they worry about me. I just try and rise above it and get out of the situation before it boils over and gets too unpleasant, it can be hard to not retort but it does make it better in the long run.

Reply 3

stefyx

6

Original post by Anonymous

My mother just had a go at me, shouting, swearing and slamming a door in my face...because I asked her not to butt in when on the phone. I was making plans for going out and she was criticisingly offering her 'opinion' on what I should and shouldn't be doing. Christ, I'm 20 and can make my own decisions.

So what's your relationship with your parents like? Do they shout at you/call you names etc?

Parents aren't perfect. But they did their best and raised you for 20 years and provided. She is used to offering her opinion yes, because the first 15 years of your life you were basicly a little idiot, and just because you're 20 doesn't mean you're very wise, it just means you're intelectually developed, but you still lack experience.

If you don't like it, move out.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 4

zjs

18

Without knowing the nature of what you were suggesting doing (i.e. for all we know, you were talking about hitting up a few lines of cocaine before you went out), it's hard to know whether her opinion was entirely unjustified, but telling her to "butt out" - if you used those words - probably didn't help the situation.

That said, the swearing and slamming doors sounds pretty immature. I don't always see eye to eye with my parents, so there's plenty of shouting, but no name calling or anything of that nature.

Reply 5

Hellz_Bellz!

2

Yeah she takes the piss out of me sometimes, but I just do it back...

Reply 6

I Persia I

16

Yes. Mine frequently swear at me and call me a mistake and how I was the result of a split condom.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by OSI

That's parents, but I am sure there is more to the story than what you offer.
Just grit your teeth.

Not much more.

She's not just a parent, but the child of a very emotionally abusive person.

Reply 8

IB_19

No. My parents would never swear at my siblings and me.

Reply 9

I Persia I

16

Original post by Anonymous

Not much more.

She's not just a parent, but the child of a very emotionally abusive person.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by I Persia I

Wut.

Reply 11

starshine123

3

Original post by Anonymous

My mother just had a go at me, shouting, swearing and slamming a door in my face...because I asked her not to butt in when on the phone. I was making plans for going out and she was criticisingly offering her 'opinion' on what I should and shouldn't be doing. Christ, I'm 20 and can make my own decisions.

So what's your relationship with your parents like? Do they shout at you/call you names etc?

No matter what your mum said you shouldn't address her in a rude manner. Telling your mother to 'not butt in when on the phone' is just plain rude, it's like she's the kid and your the parent. You could have said the exact same thing in a more polite manner; such as: 'sorry mum can you hold on a sec, I'm on the phone'. It doesn't matter if your 20. I'm 20 and If I ever talked to my mum like that she would bring the house down shouting at me (in fact I have spoken to her like that, and she has laid into me for it, as she should).

However calling you names isn't right either. My parent's have never called me names, they just tell me off, give me the silent treatment etc. But when they do do that I know its because I'm in the wrong, and it doesn't take me long to apologise; either that or we just make a silent agreement to forget all about and go back to normal.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by bradshawi

No. My parents would never swear at my siblings and me.

That's nice to hear. Sounds like your have a good pair there.

Not that I'm saying I don't have good parents, but yeah...

Reply 13

IB_19

Original post by Anonymous

That's nice to hear. Sounds like your have a good pair there.

Not that I'm saying I don't have good parents, but yeah...

My parents aren't perfect, but they don't want us to swear or shout so they avoid it!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by starshine123

No matter what your mum said you shouldn't address her in a rude manner. Telling your mother to 'not butt in when on the phone' is just plain rude, it's like she's the kid and your the parent. You could have said the exact same thing in a more polite manner; such as: 'sorry mum can you hold on a sec, I'm on the phone'. It doesn't matter if your 20. I'm 20 and If I ever talked to my mum like that she would bring the house down shouting at me (in fact I have spoken to her like that, and she has laid into me for it, as she should).

However calling you names isn't right either. My parent's have never called me names, they just tell me off, give me the silent treatment etc. But when they do do that I know its because I'm in the wrong, and it doesn't take me long to apologise; either that or we just make a silent agreement to forget all about and go back to normal.

Well, look, I kind of know that. But I'm having a really hard time with her. She's an alcoholic(albeit also a successful business woman and noone at work would have a clue) and I recently found her in a right state. She promised to beat her problem follwing this wake-up call. Worked for a while but she's just reverted back to it and I've realised, quite upsettingly and, scarily, that I have a huge, huge amount of resentment towards her.

You are correct in saying my rude response was no good either, but outbursts like that can come out when resentment is bubbling underneath. She demands respect but I find it hard to respect such a person. I've had to deal with all my life growing up. And yes, I'm getting the silent treatment just now. She thinks I should apologie and vice versa, so there we are.

Reply 15

Fuzzpig

16

There came a time where I had to sit my parents down and tell them that the time when I would be treated like a kid was over, and that if they wished me to be respectful to them they must respect me as an adult.

I explained that if they would treat me as a child, I would act like a child. If they would treat me as an adult, I would be an adult.

That was when I was 18 - two years ago. In our house now everyone respects me and I respect them. we don't argue and it's just so much more relaxing to be at home now.

At 20, this is what your life should be like. I suggest you have that talk too. :dontknow:

If you have the balls to, and really it took a lot to do that.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

My parents never shout or swear at me, they're much more for the emotional abuse... For example taking the family out and not involving me, having family dinners where I'm made to find myself something or go without. Constant teasing and be-littling etc. Telling me how I'm good for nothing and how they wish I was more like my brothers. They never wanted a daughter so you can imagine their disappointment when their first child was female...

Sometimes I wish they did was shout and swear :/ ...but I'm moving out in two months so just gotta get on with it.