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second week at uni and I'm starting to feel lonely

Hi everyone!

I have just finished fresher's week and yesterday I officially started the course. I am a first year medic. after the rush and excitement of the first week, this week is much less busy and I am starting to feel homesick and lonely. I am not a big drinker but I went on a pub crawl, to the student guild bar and another student bar to meet people. I met so many different people over the past week and spent some time getting to know a few people better. I would say these are my 'friends'. but now that our courses have started and we all have different schedules we haven't seen eachother as much. I am worried that they will all go their separate ways and I won't have a friendship group. How do people start making friendship groups after fresher's week. its hard to meet people at lectures and classes because we have to do the work and listen and there isn't much time to talk to others. will it just take time? I am not shy or reserved. I like a good conversation so thats not really the problem. Also how often do people at uni/medics in general see their friends. do they spend most of their time alone doing their work and catch up with friends on rare occasions? I miss my family as well. at home If I am donw doing my work I would go downstairs and have a chat with my family and watch tv. I can't really do that. I just watch programmes on i player and come on tsr. but other than that I feel really bored. is this normal?

thanks x

anyone???

loneliness kills. FACT.
You'll make friends, trust me. The first weeks are always like that, no one really opens up and old friends stick to friends. You'll find in a month or so groups will form and I'm sure you'll be in a "group". Then after you've made some good friends, you'll meet more via their friends.

As the buddha said:

"The vessel fills drop by drop"

Reply 3

Jetstarfighter

Uni can be quite strange the after freshers has ended; from my experience it takes a couple of months to settle into a routine. My freshers week wasn't really representative of the rest of my first year at uni so try not to worry. A lot of people I met in freshers week I never spoke to again after that.

Also regarding 'friendship groups', Medics often tend to have a closer bond in my experience than a lot of students on other courses so you are at a distinct advantage there! It will become easier once you settle into the course. :smile:

Reply 4

SlowlorisIncognito

Can you go to lectures/classes early and talk to the people waiting outside? This might be a good way to meet some people on your course. Most people will still be open and friendly at this stage, and I have already met some more people like this after one day of lectures.

How do you get on with your flat mates? Can you talk to them at mealtimes and in the evenings?

Also there is probably a Medic society, so join it, and make more friends on your course.

Reply 5

hali0112

Original post by SlowlorisIncognito

I thought that would be a great way to meet people too. But people tend to talk in groups and its hard to just approach a whole group of people and interrupt their conversation. that creates so much awkwardness. I have made it a point to introduce myself to anyone that I sit next to in my row before a lecture begins. I guess that is a good way to meet more people. but its hard to strike a conversation because the lecture starts and afterwards everyone is rushing off to where they need to be.

I share a flat with two others. it just so happens to be the smallest flat in halls. one is a drinker and goes out all the time and when she is in she talks about going out and what she did last night. the other is missing her boyfriend and thats all she talks about. they are nice enough but we have nothing in common. we try and make conversation when we see eachother but I can't see us being the best of friends.

the medics society is really a drinking society and I am not a big drinker tbh. I may join just to meet people. but all they do is meet every week and go drinking. I will be the only person that will be sober at the end of the night. I'm sorry if I sound dull but I just never fit in with the loud drinking types.

Reply 6

OnlyMe!

Just hang in there.

In my first year, although I had a group of friends in my halls of residence, it took me a while to make friends on my course.

Reply 7

Moleymann

After months and months of not being able to wait to go to university, I was shocked and surprised how homesick I felt. I've been away from home many times before for varying lengths of time, but never felt so lonely and isolated at uni.

The very best advice I could give you is don't sit in your room all day. Go about anywhere and talk to people. The guys on my floor are proper loud and love to get smashed of a night, which isn't my thing. I enjoy a drink and to socialise, but not to get smashed at some club. So I wandered around a couple floors, or in different blocks, and just got chatting to people. Our halls are a bit far from the uni, but that means we have our own bar, so somewhere different to go than the kitchen.

And going about the union, by just uttering the magical phrase: "Do you mind if I join you guys?" I found it easy to just slip into groups and have a chat. If I had a quid for everytime I've shook hands with someone new, my tution fee for this year would have been paid off before even starting :biggrin:

Reply 8

InTomsWonderland

I'm not big on alcohol (or drunk strangers... have had bad experiences in the past) either and I know what you mean - most societies will feel like they're all about drinking. It's a bit of a shame really in my opinion but then again I guess the majority of students are happy about that!

Anyway once you start tutorials/seminars or whatever you guys have apart from lectures you will get to know people that are 1) on your course and 2) have a very similar timetable to you. I met a girl in one of my tutorial groups for a specific module in my first year, and after a few weeks it was just sort of natural that she came and sat with me and this other girl I had met during induction week in the lecture that was right after. The three of us are still super close and we're in our third year now. They got to know each other through me sort of thing. So I wouldn't worry too much, once you make a few friends, then they'll have friends that you will get to know too and before you know it you won't feel so lonely anymore.

Also I'd say just be open about how you feel when you do meet people. It might feel a bit embarrassing but chances are if you chat with someone and say "I'm finding all of this a bit scary" they'll know exactly what you mean! You're all in the same situation, and even though people might look all paired up, or stuck in little groups, it's just your first week - the majority of those people won't be in those little groups because they're super close friends already, the groups change later on I promise.

Reply 9

Rakas21

I would not worry too much. Humans are communal animals and as such cliques do tend to form fast (mainly flatmates) however what you will find is that after the first week or two they will lose/gain people as other social groups have formed (they may prefer a coursemate), as such you have plenty of oppertunities to get to know people.

The best advice is probably to go to the SU or a bar near you (you don't have to get drunk) and just sit near where a lot of the action is or the bar with a newspaper and just say hello or ask them to play pool. You will get talking.

I have not made any real friends so far either, but my course and societies have yielded better results than halls.