Voting for TSRs Ultimate Study Playlist is NOW OPEN >>

I feel like I have no true friends at uni, feeling lonely.

I feel like I have no true friends at uni anymore. I'm in second year and honestly I'm feeling a bit isolated. I feel like I'm always the person arranging to meet up with people, and if I were to stop doing it honestly no one would message to meet up or would check in to see how I'm doing. I normally meet a handful of people separately every week to get coffee together, or study together or to go out, but recently so many people I consider myself to be quite close with have been cancelling on me, which I understand as it's exam season, but I really feel as if no one prioritises me.

I talked to one of my closest friends about it, who last year I would've considered a true friend, but now they are very hot and cold with me, they either treat me like I'm their favourite person, or just aren't very nice to me when they see me or just don't want to see me, I mentioned I felt like I was putting all the effort in our friendship which they agreed with. That was a few weeks ago, and I haven't seen much of a change, they've messaged once first asking to meet up, and the rest of it has been me. My friendship with them in particular is a bit complex, we dated for a few months first term second year, until they decided they weren't feeling it so we went back to being friends. This term I've seen a lot of them, and they're probably the person I see the most at uni, but they've been giving me mixed signals, talking about how platonic we are, not friends, platonic, but all of their flatmates and my friends have asked me if we're dating again. We've met up quite frequently for food and drinks and have had lots of film nights and other things, my flat have said that we are basically dating again at this point, but we're not, although part of me would consider it again, particularly after getting such mixed signals after Easter. I've decided to not message first and see if they actually reach out, I just feel like nobody, even them, really tries to make an effort to see me, even to just quietly work in the library together and revise, as I always ask people to. If I don't I'll just be by myself. I always seem to be people's second choice friend, as a lot of my friends are busy with their boyfriends.

I try to put myself out there as much as possible, I tried three different societies last term and I went to a sports society twice a week in first year and first and second term this year, but haven't been back so far this term as my mental health hasn't been great and it makes me really anxious. The people in the society I haven't really clicked with in all honesty, I feel very different from the rest of them. I don't know whether to try another society, or what would help to make me feel less lonely.

Reply 1

Sarararara

I feel you, there was many times in my life where i felt the same thing and was in the same position, something that helped me was focusing on myself more and learning to enjoy spending time with myself, it can be either going on a solo date or a self care night etc. when finding friends you should not force it and try to enjoy being alone and thats when a friend might come around, im not saying dont put yourself out there, always go out of your comfort zone and be social, but if theres something ive learnt is that dont force a relationship it should just come to you, and you deserve better than being someones second choice. Good Luck