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Crush on straight male friend is interfering with my relationship

Hi, I'm a 21 year old guy and I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. Our relationship is really good- we really like and trust and each other and enjoy each other's company. The problem is that the heart wants what it wants, and I'm just consumed over lust for one of my straight male friends. When I'm with him I feel this feeling of excitment that just isn't there with my bf.

It's making it difficult because my friend dominates my thoughts. Even when I'm with my bf my mind wanders to him. Me and my bf have a very strong emotional connection and I do love him, but I find my friend so attractive and engaging that it clouds my mind with lust. But it's more than that- I get these paranoid and possessive thoughts if my friend shows even mild disinterest in me which I KNOW are just plain retarded but I can't help it. I'm not like that at all with my bf or anyone else. I only met this guy fairly recently (in the last month or so) so I'm wondering if it's just the novelty of having a friend like him? Or should I try limiting contact with him so I don't get so attached to him?

I just wish these feelings could be helped, I want them to go away!

Bump

Well first things first, your friend's straight, so you've got a kind of safety blanket - you know he doesn't have romantic feelings for you and never will simply by virtue of his sexuality, so you know nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you. So at least be glad you have a crush on a straight guy rather than a gay guy.

You've got two options - become closer to your friend in the hope that as your friendship deepens, these romantic feelings go away (you know how sometimes you really like someone but once you actually become good mates with them, you can't really see them in that way anymore?). Or, you limit contact with him, force yourself to think of something else every time he enters your head, and make an effort to make your relationship with your boyfriend more exciting and fulfilling. Think back to how things were when you first met, going on dates etc.

Reply 3

The Real Quaid

Isn't this just natural?

When you're with someone for a long time it's likely that you'll fall for someone else as it seems fresh and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should jump ship and abandon what you have with your boyfriend.

You need to work out what you want - do you want the loving, stable relationship that could last forever or do you want to try something new?