I push guys away.
Whenever a guy shows interest, likes or pursues me, I push them away.
I don't know why I do it but I seem to run a mile in the opposite direction.
I've been doing this for as long as I remember, since high school. I am now just past 20.
I will break their heart sub-conciously. At the time I don't know what I'm doing, but obviously we all control our reactions right, so this is why it is sub-concious.
I had difficulties with parental love at earlier childhood where parental presence was not really there due to work etc. Sometimes I was brought up by other people and child-minders or nannies. I craved for real affection from parental love but it was subsituted by materialism I suppose. The utility from materialistic substitutes gradually diminished and I became rather resentful and did not appreciate this kind of love anymore. My emotional needs were not met and I began to feel neglected, even though love was there but in a different form. I felt taken for granted.
I approach relationships with a distorted view and actually do not know when a guy likes me. It's crazy, they can tell me straight up they like me, love me, are crazy about me but I won't believe them at all. I just think, 'Yeah right, whatever you're mad.'
Why do I this and what can I do to overcome it?
I don't know why I do it but I seem to run a mile in the opposite direction.
I've been doing this for as long as I remember, since high school. I am now just past 20.
I will break their heart sub-conciously. At the time I don't know what I'm doing, but obviously we all control our reactions right, so this is why it is sub-concious.
I had difficulties with parental love at earlier childhood where parental presence was not really there due to work etc. Sometimes I was brought up by other people and child-minders or nannies. I craved for real affection from parental love but it was subsituted by materialism I suppose. The utility from materialistic substitutes gradually diminished and I became rather resentful and did not appreciate this kind of love anymore. My emotional needs were not met and I began to feel neglected, even though love was there but in a different form. I felt taken for granted.
I approach relationships with a distorted view and actually do not know when a guy likes me. It's crazy, they can tell me straight up they like me, love me, are crazy about me but I won't believe them at all. I just think, 'Yeah right, whatever you're mad.'
Why do I this and what can I do to overcome it?
(edited 12 years ago)
You sound just like me, no joke. I had 16 nannies/au pairs in 12 years so I get the lack of parental presence thing.
I don't really know what to tell you in terms of overcoming it cause my thing wasn't a 'lack of love' thing it was an 'everyone leaves' thing, but what I would suggest is taking a chance and letting your guard down a little when there's someone you really like - opening up will be the key to overcoming it i reckon but that's just my opinion.
I don't really know what to tell you in terms of overcoming it cause my thing wasn't a 'lack of love' thing it was an 'everyone leaves' thing, but what I would suggest is taking a chance and letting your guard down a little when there's someone you really like - opening up will be the key to overcoming it i reckon but that's just my opinion.
Urgh I know this feeling so well, never ever believe anyone likes me no matter what they do or say.
I dunno if you do this as well but I can find myself reaaally into someone, then the second they show any inclination of wanting something a bit more serious I just freak out and run a mile.
Can empathise with you so well, wish I knew the right answer!
I dunno if you do this as well but I can find myself reaaally into someone, then the second they show any inclination of wanting something a bit more serious I just freak out and run a mile.
Can empathise with you so well, wish I knew the right answer!
I'm no psychologist, but I think I understand where you're coming from, I sort of have the same feelings, but for different reasons.
You don't believe it's possible for someone to love you; you don't feel worthy of it, because you weren't loved appropriately as a child.
Lay your life out on the table - look at what sort of person you are, look at what you can do, your achievements, your personality and imagine this was another person. Can you imagine this person being loved by someone else? And if not, what would you change about this person to make them seem more appealing?
Also look at what you're doing objectively. Have a sort of plan ready in your head, so when your heart wants you to do something that you know will push the other person away, your brain will override it. As soon as you've got over this stage, it'll be much easier for you in the future.
You don't believe it's possible for someone to love you; you don't feel worthy of it, because you weren't loved appropriately as a child.
Lay your life out on the table - look at what sort of person you are, look at what you can do, your achievements, your personality and imagine this was another person. Can you imagine this person being loved by someone else? And if not, what would you change about this person to make them seem more appealing?
Also look at what you're doing objectively. Have a sort of plan ready in your head, so when your heart wants you to do something that you know will push the other person away, your brain will override it. As soon as you've got over this stage, it'll be much easier for you in the future.
Original post by Anonymous
You sound just like me, no joke. I had 16 nannies/au pairs in 12 years so I get the lack of parental presence thing.
I don't really know what to tell you in terms of overcoming it cause my thing wasn't a 'lack of love' thing it was an 'everyone leaves' thing, but what I would suggest is taking a chance and letting your guard down a little when there's someone you really like - opening up will be the key to overcoming it i reckon but that's just my opinion.
I don't really know what to tell you in terms of overcoming it cause my thing wasn't a 'lack of love' thing it was an 'everyone leaves' thing, but what I would suggest is taking a chance and letting your guard down a little when there's someone you really like - opening up will be the key to overcoming it i reckon but that's just my opinion.
Yes, it's exactly that. I know there was love but it was shown in a different form. But the fact that disappointments were often made from lack of emotional bonding, I think it stems from there that I am afraid the person I end up trusting will break this trust and disappoint me. If somebody with blood relation can disappoint highly, then somebody who is not blood related can also disappoint.
Original post by xfeelingthis
Urgh I know this feeling so well, never ever believe anyone likes me no matter what they do or say.
I dunno if you do this as well but I can find myself reaaally into someone, then the second they show any inclination of wanting something a bit more serious I just freak out and run a mile.
Can empathise with you so well, wish I knew the right answer!
I dunno if you do this as well but I can find myself reaaally into someone, then the second they show any inclination of wanting something a bit more serious I just freak out and run a mile.
Can empathise with you so well, wish I knew the right answer!
There's been mutual attraction on both sides and then I pull away and close up. I've been told off and confronted directly on whether I am messing the guy around, taking the piss or screwing the guy over.
Sounds exactly like me. I was just about to post this thread myself. Except that I don't have a valid reason for pushing guys away, I get more than enough love from my family and I have some great friends. I reckon I'm just a horrible person. But I'll be perfectly happy being friends with a guy and as soon as I realise they're interested I want to run, very far away and very, very quickly. First (and last) time a guy ever asked me out, I thought it would be "best" for him if I left him alone and that hanging around him would make him feel worse. So I deleted his phone number and didn't see him for a year. Finally talking again but my God was I an idiot. But as soon as a guy shows interest in me I get this urge to avoid them because I don't want to face letting them down and ruining the friendship. It actually makes me angry and I don't know why I'm angry or who the anger is directed at but unrequited love (not exactly love but still) puts me on edge. Plus, why would they like me? I'm not a good person and I'm so irritating that I frequently annoy myself, let alone everyone else. So I really don't know what's wrong with me but I can empathise with you. When you find a solution, let me know, because I hate this. Hope things get better for you. 
Original post by Anonymous
Whenever a guy shows interest, likes or pursues me, I push them away.
I don't know why I do it but I seem to run a mile in the opposite direction.
I've been doing this for as long as I remember, since high school. I am now just past 20.
I will break their heart sub-conciously. At the time I don't know what I'm doing, but obviously we all control our reactions right, so this is why it is sub-concious.
I had difficulties with parental love at earlier childhood where parental presence was not really there due to work etc. Sometimes I was brought up by other people and child-minders or nannies. I craved for real affection from parental love but it was subsituted by materialism I suppose. The utility from materialistic substitutes gradually diminished and I became rather resentful and did not appreciate this kind of love anymore. My emotional needs were not met and I began to feel neglected, even though love was there but in a different form. I felt taken for granted.
I approach relationships with a distorted view and actually do not know when a guy likes me. It's crazy, they can tell me straight up they like me, love me, are crazy about me but I won't believe them at all. I just think, 'Yeah right, whatever you're mad.'
Why do I this and what can I do to overcome it?
I don't know why I do it but I seem to run a mile in the opposite direction.
I've been doing this for as long as I remember, since high school. I am now just past 20.
I will break their heart sub-conciously. At the time I don't know what I'm doing, but obviously we all control our reactions right, so this is why it is sub-concious.
I had difficulties with parental love at earlier childhood where parental presence was not really there due to work etc. Sometimes I was brought up by other people and child-minders or nannies. I craved for real affection from parental love but it was subsituted by materialism I suppose. The utility from materialistic substitutes gradually diminished and I became rather resentful and did not appreciate this kind of love anymore. My emotional needs were not met and I began to feel neglected, even though love was there but in a different form. I felt taken for granted.
I approach relationships with a distorted view and actually do not know when a guy likes me. It's crazy, they can tell me straight up they like me, love me, are crazy about me but I won't believe them at all. I just think, 'Yeah right, whatever you're mad.'
Why do I this and what can I do to overcome it?
OP I'm exactly like you only male and 20. I too was bullied and my mum left us to come to the UK for a better life. We were only 8 or 9 years old and we lived with our cousins who would torture us and deny us food. I don't think I've ever felt that horrible in my entire life as i did on the first night my mum was 3000 miles away.
I'm now depressed anxious and have been suicidal but still that pain of being left by my mum and with cousins who hated us still lingers in my mind.
I've tried filling the gap with materialism but it doesn't work at all.
I'll buy something which looks amazing in the shop, only to get home and totally forget about it. I do this with clothes and i don't even wear them.
Right now i fill the gap with internet abuse. I stayed on my laptop once for 14 hours straight. I didn't eat nor sleep. I failed an exam recently because of it and i really need to kick this terrible habit.
I've been apportioned by girls countless times and they always looks and smile at me constantly but i just subconsciously reject them without even knowing that i'm doing so.
I've never been in a relationship and once i talk to people especially girls and see just how they are i just lose all interest immediately.
How old are you now and what coping methods do you use?
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