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What should I do exactly

Had a bad split from an ex a year ago. We had been going out over two years (very end of year 9 till just before christmas last year.)

Every now and then he sends me a text saying Hey how are you/we should meet up etc.
He hasn't talked to me since before the summer and then the other day he sent me a message asking to meet up for coffee (he has a girl friend, it's definitely not meeting up to have "coffee").

I told him I have a lot on my plate at the moment, which is true with History and art coursework deadline and University application it's all a bit crazy. I just wonder when thats all sorted should I meet up with him to catch up? We were so close for such a long time and I guess I still care about him a lot, but he did treat me like **** so I don't see why he wants to talk after all that unless it's to make him feel better about himself. I'm also bound to run into him at one christmas party or another, should we talk then? He will be drunk and with his girl friend so maybe not the best plan?

What should I do?
Reply 1
Some people like closure. If something worked out bad and stopped abruptly, it would feel like there's something unfinished. I'm sure it's bothered him in the back of his mind, wondering if you hate him or anything. So that may be why he's asking to meet up again, just to see how things are now. Guys usually get over things quite well, but these things can still nag at the back of your head.

Don't feel pressured to meet up, do it when you have the time... But just be careful because he had got a girlfriend.. Either you may start caring more about him or he asks for you back.. I can't help you on this because I don't know the entire situation, and it's not for me to say whether you should or not. But if he's got someone, he should stay with them because otherwise he'd be causing pain to another girl.

It'd be an awkward meeting, I'm sure of that. You may well eventually steer the conversation to the point where you split up, look back at the situation and figure out what actually happened. Hopefully this will put his mind at rest and he'll feel a bit better :smile:
Reply 2
Original post by Ruthless Dutchman
Some people like closure. If something worked out bad and stopped abruptly, it would feel like there's something unfinished. I'm sure it's bothered him in the back of his mind, wondering if you hate him or anything. So that may be why he's asking to meet up again, just to see how things are now. Guys usually get over things quite well, but these things can still nag at the back of your head.

Don't feel pressured to meet up, do it when you have the time... But just be careful because he had got a girlfriend.. Either you may start caring more about him or he asks for you back.. I can't help you on this because I don't know the entire situation, and it's not for me to say whether you should or not. But if he's got someone, he should stay with them because otherwise he'd be causing pain to another girl.

It'd be an awkward meeting, I'm sure of that. You may well eventually steer the conversation to the point where you split up, look back at the situation and figure out what actually happened. Hopefully this will put his mind at rest and he'll feel a bit better :smile:


Thanks for the reply, thing is this isn't a one of closure thing, he does this every few months. It's not he wants me back, he dumped me for his last girl friend who he stayed with for a good few months but I think he only contacted me when they were having issues. I don't really know the situation with him and his new girl friend how/why his last relationship ended but I do know he got in contact with me quite soon after it did. I'm guessing maybe he felt guilty about things with his ex which also made him feel guilty about things with me?

Only way I know is if I talk to him but I don't see thee point of these random little closure sessions that only really seem to be to help him not feel guilty?
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the reply, thing is this isn't a one of closure thing, he does this every few months. It's not he wants me back, he dumped me for his last girl friend who he stayed with for a good few months but I think he only contacted me when they were having issues. I don't really know the situation with him and his new girl friend how/why his last relationship ended but I do know he got in contact with me quite soon after it did. I'm guessing maybe he felt guilty about things with his ex which also made him feel guilty about things with me?

Only way I know is if I talk to him but I don't see thee point of these random little closure sessions that only really seem to be to help him not feel guilty?


When's the last time you actually talked to him though?
Reply 4
I can totally see the need for closure. Sometimes people break up with people they care about a lot and they hate doing it even though it's the right thing when taking into account how the relationship's going and how they feel in their heart. If he's the one who ended the relationship he probably hated the thought of hurting you. He won't have forgotten how much you meant to him during that time in his life, and he probably looks back on the relationship positively.

Don't meet up with him if you don't feel ready but I think it would be a good thing to do when you're able to. You need to make sure there are no hanging feelings between you two but at the moment I would assume that he's just being friendly. Obviously I don't know your entire situation but definitely give it some thought.
Reply 5
Original post by Ruthless Dutchman
When's the last time you actually talked to him though?


After he had asked to meet up and I said I was busy we had a brief word the other day, we bumped into each other but I really wanted to get my work done and made that quite clear, he said give him a text if I ever wanted to grab coffee. Last time I have had a long talk with him would have been before/during summer exams on the phone and before then I'm guessing sometime around easter.

Original post by Lucia.
I can totally see the need for closure. Sometimes people break up with people they care about a lot and they hate doing it even though it's the right thing when taking into account how the relationship's going and how they feel in their heart. If he's the one who ended the relationship he probably hated the thought of hurting you. He won't have forgotten how much you meant to him during that time in his life, and he probably looks back on the relationship positively.

Don't meet up with him if you don't feel ready but I think it would be a good thing to do when you're able to. You need to make sure there are no hanging feelings between you two but at the moment I would assume that he's just being friendly. Obviously I don't know your entire situation but definitely give it some thought.


Thanks, I guess the problem is we started going out when we were both 14 and things ended when we were 17, it was probably to long a relationship for that age. He also is one of those people who can't be alone, from what I can see he has to jump from girl friend to girl friend (sometimes with a slight overlap) and maybe he just was feeling a tad alone? I don't know it's just the way he acts and the timing of it all which confuses/annoys me.
Reply 6
:bump:
Reply 7
No more advice from anyone? :confused:

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