Suffering from severe intimacy issues.
Hey guys 
I'll try and keep this as short and to the point as possible. Basically, I'm totally infatuated with this girl that I know for definite likes me back. You're probably thinking so what's the problem? The problem is I think I like her too much to the extent that taking things further with her and risking it all going wrong is too much for me to take. This will sound so childish (i'm almost 20 btw) but in work (we work together) I'd intentionally avoid her cause I new i'd get all red-faced and awkward talking to her and I kinda thought it would be best to avoid that situation. For a while we'd only really talk when we ran into into each other at a club with both attend regularly, obviously alcohol was my aid here. I'm a fairly shy guy and have never been the best conversationalist where as she's incredibly outgoing and doesn't have a problem making a fool out of herself. She's not a girly girl which I find super cool. On this level I'm a little bemused as to why she likes me but (and dont take this the wrong way) i'm the better looking person of the two. Thats just what i'm told and has lead me to believe that all she see's in me is a pretty face :/ We were out the other night and she told me I was really depressing and boring and I was like 'oh god, thats it over' but then she text me in the morning asking about plans for a date. I was confused beyond belief. Whenever I know I'm gonna run into her I get soooooo nervous and get that sinking feeling in my gut which is totally irrational as I know she likes me.. Even her friends have told me so.
Another factor is the fact that ive never been in a relationship before and I guess i'm a little retarded when it comes to the whole 'turning a crush into a girlfriend thing'. Whereas she has an ex and probably has a lot more experience in the sack than me as well.
So I guess i'm just wanting some advice on how to move things on with this girl as she clearly likes me despite my social flaws. And an explanation into the whole telling me i'm depressing several times but still wanting to go on a date with me would be a great help. Thanks
I'll try and keep this as short and to the point as possible. Basically, I'm totally infatuated with this girl that I know for definite likes me back. You're probably thinking so what's the problem? The problem is I think I like her too much to the extent that taking things further with her and risking it all going wrong is too much for me to take. This will sound so childish (i'm almost 20 btw) but in work (we work together) I'd intentionally avoid her cause I new i'd get all red-faced and awkward talking to her and I kinda thought it would be best to avoid that situation. For a while we'd only really talk when we ran into into each other at a club with both attend regularly, obviously alcohol was my aid here. I'm a fairly shy guy and have never been the best conversationalist where as she's incredibly outgoing and doesn't have a problem making a fool out of herself. She's not a girly girl which I find super cool. On this level I'm a little bemused as to why she likes me but (and dont take this the wrong way) i'm the better looking person of the two. Thats just what i'm told and has lead me to believe that all she see's in me is a pretty face :/ We were out the other night and she told me I was really depressing and boring and I was like 'oh god, thats it over' but then she text me in the morning asking about plans for a date. I was confused beyond belief. Whenever I know I'm gonna run into her I get soooooo nervous and get that sinking feeling in my gut which is totally irrational as I know she likes me.. Even her friends have told me so.
Another factor is the fact that ive never been in a relationship before and I guess i'm a little retarded when it comes to the whole 'turning a crush into a girlfriend thing'. Whereas she has an ex and probably has a lot more experience in the sack than me as well.
So I guess i'm just wanting some advice on how to move things on with this girl as she clearly likes me despite my social flaws. And an explanation into the whole telling me i'm depressing several times but still wanting to go on a date with me would be a great help. Thanks
Sorry man, this is university of life stuff, no-one can teach you confidence and easy social interaction.
You're just going to have to figure out on your own that women are just women and are nothing especially scary.
Try and look at it this way: Nothing ventured nothing gained. You know she likes you, that is a lot more than a lot of guys/girls know when they are crushing on someone.
When I first came to uni my philosophy was "right, give everything a go at least once".
You might mess it up, but look at it this way, if you don't do anything you definitely won't get anywhere.
You're just going to have to figure out on your own that women are just women and are nothing especially scary.
Try and look at it this way: Nothing ventured nothing gained. You know she likes you, that is a lot more than a lot of guys/girls know when they are crushing on someone.
When I first came to uni my philosophy was "right, give everything a go at least once".
You might mess it up, but look at it this way, if you don't do anything you definitely won't get anywhere.
^ What he said.
I'm pretty much the same, if I liked a guy I could not speak to him at all, I would get all red-faced and embarassed and talk total rubbish. However, met an amazing guy at uni and for some reason I've managed to get a grip of myself and actual tell him I liked him [and vice versa] and now things are actually going somewhere.
It's really hard to just bite the bullet, but you just have to force yourself to because otherwise you could be missing out on something potentially amazing. As the dude above me said, if you don't give it ago, you're missing out. At least if you try, and it all goes wrong, then you won't be forever thinking 'what if.'
If she's told you she likes you, it's hardly likely that she's lying. Try your best to relax and get to know her, her comments about you being 'depressing' and 'boring' might be her crappy attempt at flirting [y'know, a bit of ribbing] you just need to relax and be yourself about her.
Good luck!
I'm pretty much the same, if I liked a guy I could not speak to him at all, I would get all red-faced and embarassed and talk total rubbish. However, met an amazing guy at uni and for some reason I've managed to get a grip of myself and actual tell him I liked him [and vice versa] and now things are actually going somewhere.
It's really hard to just bite the bullet, but you just have to force yourself to because otherwise you could be missing out on something potentially amazing. As the dude above me said, if you don't give it ago, you're missing out. At least if you try, and it all goes wrong, then you won't be forever thinking 'what if.'
If she's told you she likes you, it's hardly likely that she's lying. Try your best to relax and get to know her, her comments about you being 'depressing' and 'boring' might be her crappy attempt at flirting [y'know, a bit of ribbing] you just need to relax and be yourself about her.
Good luck!
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