Coming out
Hey everyone, I'm just on here looking for a bit of advice and/or guidance really.
I have recently decided to come out to my close friends, although I am struggling to. I think the main problem is that I haven't accepted it myself, and I am worried that other people won't be able to either.
I think this stems from the sever homophobia I have experienced throughout my childhood, be it my Dad making it clear that he is against gays and all that they stand for, or the bullying I went through during secondary school.
Secondary school has had the biggest impact on my self esteem, as it was completely shattered by the actions of some of the other students. The bullying started off lightly at first, with me being called a 'faggot' or 'queer' which I could handle, but it developed into physical abuse, and got so bad that I would hide in the toilets at lunch time and avoid talking to people or making eye contact with anyone, in case they would hit me or push me over etc.
I think I knew deep down that I was bi from about year 8, but I kept it suppressed in the hope that it would go away. Eventually, I couldn't ignore it so I decided to experiment with another guy, to see if I enjoyed it or not. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well and I ended up hating myself for going through with it.
These all stopped me from accepting myself until a few weeks ago, when I couldn't lie to myself or my friends any longer, so at a small gathering I told them. They were incredibly supportive and understanding, even when I told them about what I had done. However, it still hasn't given me the confidence to come out completely, so I'm just asking if there is anyone who has gone through something similar who can give me some advice.
Thanks for listening, Joe x
I have recently decided to come out to my close friends, although I am struggling to. I think the main problem is that I haven't accepted it myself, and I am worried that other people won't be able to either.
I think this stems from the sever homophobia I have experienced throughout my childhood, be it my Dad making it clear that he is against gays and all that they stand for, or the bullying I went through during secondary school.
Secondary school has had the biggest impact on my self esteem, as it was completely shattered by the actions of some of the other students. The bullying started off lightly at first, with me being called a 'faggot' or 'queer' which I could handle, but it developed into physical abuse, and got so bad that I would hide in the toilets at lunch time and avoid talking to people or making eye contact with anyone, in case they would hit me or push me over etc.
I think I knew deep down that I was bi from about year 8, but I kept it suppressed in the hope that it would go away. Eventually, I couldn't ignore it so I decided to experiment with another guy, to see if I enjoyed it or not. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well and I ended up hating myself for going through with it.
These all stopped me from accepting myself until a few weeks ago, when I couldn't lie to myself or my friends any longer, so at a small gathering I told them. They were incredibly supportive and understanding, even when I told them about what I had done. However, it still hasn't given me the confidence to come out completely, so I'm just asking if there is anyone who has gone through something similar who can give me some advice.
Thanks for listening, Joe x
I can't say I've been through the same thing, but I can tell you what I would do, given your situation 
Being bi/gay in the modern world can be quite difficult, luckily not as difficult as it used to be in the past.
It's great that you have a group of understanding friends to support you.
In my opinion, there's no need to 'come out'. It's natural and it's a part of you. You should be honest about it when you need to
However , if you just feel like you want everyone to know, then what i would do is just take it on the chin.
You will come off as a strong and individual person if you are just cool about it, and don't try to draw too much attention to yourself.
But beware, posting silly statuses on facebook about it is definitely the worst way to go about it. you will quickly earn a reputation as being whiny and annoying.
Hope i've been some help
Cheers
Being bi/gay in the modern world can be quite difficult, luckily not as difficult as it used to be in the past.
It's great that you have a group of understanding friends to support you.
In my opinion, there's no need to 'come out'. It's natural and it's a part of you. You should be honest about it when you need to
However , if you just feel like you want everyone to know, then what i would do is just take it on the chin.
You will come off as a strong and individual person if you are just cool about it, and don't try to draw too much attention to yourself.
But beware, posting silly statuses on facebook about it is definitely the worst way to go about it. you will quickly earn a reputation as being whiny and annoying.
Hope i've been some help
Cheers
Not gay or bi myself, but just wanted you to know that your post has been read and some is thinking kind thoughts your way.
I do know that sex and relationships can be confusing for people all sexual orientations, so don't beat yourself up.
Try not to take on board the views and opinions of child bullies. They're immature and stupid and most will grow out of it (some won't, sadly). Bullying can mess you up and it might be useful for your to speak to a counsellor or psychologist to work through the knocks the bullies have given your ego/self esteem.
I know a lot of gay people and they've all got a wide circle of friends (gay and straight) and they all have a good base in the gay "community". It might be worth joining some of the many lgbt societies that are out there. Most of people thereabouts will have gone through what you are going through and can empathise and it'll be reassuring to know that you are not alone.
Good luck.
I do know that sex and relationships can be confusing for people all sexual orientations, so don't beat yourself up.
Try not to take on board the views and opinions of child bullies. They're immature and stupid and most will grow out of it (some won't, sadly). Bullying can mess you up and it might be useful for your to speak to a counsellor or psychologist to work through the knocks the bullies have given your ego/self esteem.
I know a lot of gay people and they've all got a wide circle of friends (gay and straight) and they all have a good base in the gay "community". It might be worth joining some of the many lgbt societies that are out there. Most of people thereabouts will have gone through what you are going through and can empathise and it'll be reassuring to know that you are not alone.
Good luck.
Ok mate this is how it is. No matter how much your mother or father are against gay's i'm telling you right now there is not a chance on this earth your dad will disown you because you are gay. At first he will be disapointed that his son has turned out gay, the reason for this is because he has to live with telling people that his son is gay but this will eventually pass.
I know loads of gay people, some of which suffered being bullied like yourself and unfortunately however sad it is this is just life. I strongly suggest telling your mum first, get her on side so that you immediately have her to turn to. She in turn will talk to your dad and trust me it will be ok. Once your dad accepts that your gay his views about gay people will change totally seeing that they are indeed just normal people like everybody else.
I'm straight myself but have no problem with gay people whatsoever and lets get real here this is the 21st century and if people don't accept it, it's very simple, **** them. **** their judgement and after all who are they to you? Nobody.....
I'm positive your dad will accept you it may take some time but after all you will always be his son. Like I said get the mum on side first.
Good luck and don't hide away from who you really are. Not for your dad, not for nobody.
I know loads of gay people, some of which suffered being bullied like yourself and unfortunately however sad it is this is just life. I strongly suggest telling your mum first, get her on side so that you immediately have her to turn to. She in turn will talk to your dad and trust me it will be ok. Once your dad accepts that your gay his views about gay people will change totally seeing that they are indeed just normal people like everybody else.
I'm straight myself but have no problem with gay people whatsoever and lets get real here this is the 21st century and if people don't accept it, it's very simple, **** them. **** their judgement and after all who are they to you? Nobody.....
I'm positive your dad will accept you it may take some time but after all you will always be his son. Like I said get the mum on side first.
Good luck and don't hide away from who you really are. Not for your dad, not for nobody.
Original post by Davey1
Ok mate this is how it is. No matter how much your mother or father are against gay's i'm telling you right now there is not a chance on this earth your dad will disown you because you are gay. At first he will be disapointed that his son has turned out gay, the reason for this is because he has to live with telling people that his son is gay but this will eventually pass.
I know loads of gay people, some of which suffered being bullied like yourself and unfortunately however sad it is this is just life. I strongly suggest telling your mum first, get her on side so that you immediately have her to turn to. She in turn will talk to your dad and trust me it will be ok. Once your dad accepts that your gay his views about gay people will change totally seeing that they are indeed just normal people like everybody else.
I'm straight myself but have no problem with gay people whatsoever and lets get real here this is the 21st century and if people don't accept it, it's very simple, **** them. **** their judgement and after all who are they to you? Nobody.....
I'm positive your dad will accept you it may take some time but after all you will always be his son. Like I said get the mum on side first.
Good luck and don't hide away from who you really are. Not for your dad, not for nobody.
I know loads of gay people, some of which suffered being bullied like yourself and unfortunately however sad it is this is just life. I strongly suggest telling your mum first, get her on side so that you immediately have her to turn to. She in turn will talk to your dad and trust me it will be ok. Once your dad accepts that your gay his views about gay people will change totally seeing that they are indeed just normal people like everybody else.
I'm straight myself but have no problem with gay people whatsoever and lets get real here this is the 21st century and if people don't accept it, it's very simple, **** them. **** their judgement and after all who are they to you? Nobody.....
I'm positive your dad will accept you it may take some time but after all you will always be his son. Like I said get the mum on side first.
Good luck and don't hide away from who you really are. Not for your dad, not for nobody.
Thank you and everyone else for the help, it's really made me feel better about the whole thing. People actually told me how much they respect me at college today x
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